HaltAndCatchFire wrote:Sounds like you backed off the dread game when she started asking about so-and-so. That is when you ramp it up not quit. You had her attention and then lost it when you backed off.
You've got some great advice about this topic. Ever think about creating a guide for it in the reference section? Hindsight is 20/20 for me, but doesn't have to be for the next guy that comes here.
FWIW, she didn't start insinuating there was another woman until after I told her we are divorcing, so I guess I needed to step up my game. Right now she's looking for reasons to blame me for the divorce, instead of accepting accountability in our failed marriage. I recognize and take responsibility for my part in our failed marriage. This is part of the confabulation I'm dealing with, which is why I will be deposing her early. She insists that I've done nothing as a father up until a year ago. Instead of arguing the point, I gut checked myself by putting together a parenting retrospective for the past three years detailing every extracurricular, social and educational event I could prove
(photos, third party, email, calendar, etc). It's essentially a lite version of a parenting journal and shows a pattern of superdad behavior that counters her absurd claim. Each retrospective year is an average of 30 MS Word pages. For comparison, my parenting journal for the first four months of 2017 is 24 pages. If anyone here would appreciate that, I think it would be you.
I felt ignored in our relationship for years, to the point I was there only there to pay the bills, and told her as much many times. It took divorce to get her attention but I'm not interested in using divorce as an ultimatum catalyst. She's motivated to stay together because she's afraid of the uncertainty that comes with divorce, and doesn't want to give up any time with our kids. When I say she doesn't want to give up any time with our kids, she thinks me getting EOW would be more than I deserve.
The only way out is through.