Getting Started: Texas

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Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby deepintheheart » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:37 am

Married: 10+years; son 6 years old
Basic Stats:
I have stable (20+ years) job. Minimal if any drinking, never done drugs. No domestic or police issues in my life.
Wife started part time job.
I'm the caregiver to my son (taking to school, picking up from school, reading, giving baths, homework, brushing teeth, feeding). Absolutely love it.

Wife is addict and bipolar; has been in inpatient treatment center multiple times during our marriage.

She is just out of program doing sober home for a couple months. She just relapsed again...

My goal is to make sure the best happens for my son; his mother has a disease, but how do I account for that in my planning? Does going for the throat help my son? I have a feeling I am holding all the cards, but I don't know how to start the hand.
Last edited by deepintheheart on Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:02 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:55 am

have you read the list and are making one of your own? How does your soon to be ex get money? Are you documenting all the activities you do with your child?

Your strategy is to show how superdad you are, not tear down mom. By all means have that ready, but your case should be why status quo shouldn't go unchanged and that it isn't in the child's best interests to disrupt status quo.

What are your custody goals? Do you have a personal digital recorder on your person recording 24/7 anytime your soon to be ex is around? Are you still sexually active with her? If she has been an addict all this time, have you left your child in her care? Meaning are you saying on one hand she is an obvious addict, yet you allow your child to be around this person?

Do what is in the best interests of the child. Your love for them should outweigh the hatred/dislike for their mother.

Read other threads to get an understanding of how the process will work. There are folks from your very state that can help walk you through the process.
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:59 am

Hello, I'm a friend, take this as kind and not an attack.

You knew your wife's nature when you made children with her. You can't use it against her.

You are not familiar with the science of compulsive behaviors, your wife does not suffer from a disease. And certainly your wife does not suffer from a fatal disease that may only be cured by trusting a diety and receiving divine intervention as a result. In other words, your 12 Step understanding of your wife is garbage based on superstition, not science.

Your ignorance is in only recording, knowing you have a serious problem for 7 years and not intervening. What you have done is proven you are equally negligent. Those recordings will never see a Courtroom because your child will be placed in foster care - if your wife has such a problem, you willfully and intentionally subjected your child to it.

So here's where we start - what you think is true is not, and the feeling you have right now is cognitive dissonance. Can we change your irrational beliefs?
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby Minerva » Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:45 am

From a different perspective, often times in divorce court people say things like, "I know this person, they are a terrible parent! I need to be the full time parent!" And yet, in almost every circumstance, for many years they allowed that person to have control and responsibility for the child in a variety of circumstances.

Your wife doesn't magically change into the Devil as soon as you file paperwork.

So I think it's important to walk into court with an attitude of "I want to share parenting responsibilities, I think our child deserves that. However, due to the struggles that mom has had, I think it's important that she's sober if she's going to be have the child unsupervised. I'd like to discuss 50/50 but with regular drug tests. If she fails, then we can look at supervised time."
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby deepintheheart » Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:57 am

Just to clarify (I won't get emotional over your posts)

5 times I've found out my spouse was abusing herself post-arrival of my beautiful son.

3 of those times I've setup inpatient treatment and an 1 time outpatient for 60 days which she has attended.

Last night was the 5th time and I want to move on.

You are stating since I didn't leave my wife in lieu of getting her help I'm responsible and could lose my child to a foster home?
Last edited by deepintheheart on Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Apr 14, 2017 10:11 am

Bro hang in there but DO NOT MOVE out!

Worst thing ever you could do for your kid(s).

Read some more threads here. You have the help of the "great one" and others will chip in to help you thru this.

I did something similar to you as many before me have done as well. It won't be easy but it is doable. Now more than ever keep that digital audio recorder running covertly 24-7 around her. If that's not what you have been using then get out and get one like 30 minutes ago brudda. Could become crucial if she is or begins to get coached.

Critical time here duce. Use the tactics and strategy here to succeed for your kid(s).

We are all rooting for you so stay close to the forum and pretty much 24-7 someone is on or close to being on due to the different gents and auxiliary on different time zones. Don't beat yourself look forward and you WILL succeed.

Did I shout loud enough in all caps about not moving out? Don't do it bro. You need to use the home as a bargaining chip and solid base for your kid(s).

Edit) Went back and saw you said "Move on" not out. Ok I can take a breath now.
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby deepintheheart » Fri Apr 14, 2017 10:42 am

Copy...I just panicked when foster home came up.

She uses mucinex...you can get in any store. Cheap. No drug test to detect.

When I had suspicions, I used recorder until she admitted her use. My only goal for the recordings was to use them to show her what she had done IF she didn't agree to go to treatment. She always agreed. I have them, but never thought to use them for other purposes until I read here.

I won't move out...she came back this morning and is setting up her moving into another sober home.
Last edited by deepintheheart on Mon Apr 24, 2017 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Apr 14, 2017 1:38 pm

Generally I'd agree that you can't use previously known behaviors against someone in a divorce. Example: you knowingly married a convicted felon or a drug addict, they haven't been in trouble or used substances in years, but you want to bring it up in the divorce. That's not useful.

I disagree that current documented behaviors are irrelevant. If she's using now, it's relevant.
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby Timeflies » Fri Apr 14, 2017 2:38 pm

She uses mucinex...you can get in any store. Cheap. No drug test to detect. She always used at night when asleep.

Help me out here... How does she use mucinex? Please walk me through the process of "using mucinex."
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Re: Getting Started: Texas

Unread postby astrolink » Fri Apr 14, 2017 2:57 pm

If she's using, get her into another 60 day inpatient recovery program. File for divorce, exclusive of the home and primary custody while she's there.

You can expect to pay alimony for sometime, but should do well if you play your cards correctly. You need an attorney.
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