What is the first step!??

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What is the first step!??

Unread postby InAlcatraz » Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:31 am

Things are unbearable here. We fight all the time. I can't stand it any longer.

I went to see a renowned lawyer here - with a reputation as a shark. I don't want a legal battle, but I did want frank and useful counsel.

Basically what I received was info I already had. I paid $350 for an hour of basic knowledge. I want STRATEGY! What can I do to protect my assets? I basically heard was "You don't want a legal battle - you both lose". I know that.

Here are my basic questions:
1) everyone says DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. Well, she will not go to an MEDIATOR - so what do I do? If she won't make a deal, do I serve her leave and then lose my shirt? Do I stay here in misery until she agrees to go see someone to help us settle this shitshow?

2) Are there things I should be doing to lessen the financial blow? Should I secretly use credit card and money to get an apartment and furnish it, etc BEFORE filing? This way the money / debt used to do this is marital and thus split??

3) Should I take money out of 401(k) and squirrel it away for living expenses - again, lessening the loss of funds to her?

I appreciate your help, comments and advice.

Thanks,
B
Last edited by InAlcatraz on Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:34 am

The first step would be to learn which words to use.

Like arbitrator - what does that mean to you?
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby InAlcatraz » Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:45 am

BartSimpson wrote:The first step would be to learn which words to use.

Like arbitrator - what does that mean to you?


Sorry - "Mediator" is better word. Someone to help us reach an agreement to keep us from fighting and racking up huge legal bills and stressing the family even more by the ugliness of a legal battle.
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby Timeflies » Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:11 am

You're going to have to do some research. There is no magic pill that just makes this go away. To find a lawyer go to the local county courthouse and watch family law trials. That is how you find a reputable trial lawyer.

A wise man on this forum once told me mediation is for those that can sit down at the kitchen table and write down an agreement. In Florida you have to mediate at least once. But you have to decide how much you want to go back and forth before you let a judge decide who gets what.

In Florida it's pretty cut and dry. 50/50 custody and equitable distribution. You go in knowing about what the outcome could be. You just let a person you've never met make the ultimate decision. If you two don't agree now what will be different at mediation?

What state are you in?
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby afc » Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:25 am

Why would you move out? You have an 11 year old daughter, right?

You stay put.

until a custody agreement is signed.
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby InAlcatraz » Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:59 am

afc wrote:Why would you move out? You have an 11 year old daughter, right?

You stay put.

until a custody agreement is signed.



In South Carolina.

Like I said - what if she doesn't agree to anything and I have to serve her? What is the process if this is the case? I just stay and have a toxic marriage and my little girl is subjected to this shitshow of us arguing and I stay indefinitely?
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby InAlcatraz » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:00 am

I just made an appointment with another attorney for next week to explore options. In the mean time, I will try and get her to the bargaining table.

This sux
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:27 am

You are going about this backwards.

First you hire a lawyer and file for divorce. That is step one. Cant mediate if you haven't even filed for divorce yet.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOME!
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:43 am

B-Rad wrote:I just stay and have a toxic marriage and my little girl is subjected to this shitshow of us arguing and I stay indefinitely?

Yes. But don't engage her. A couple can't dance if one of them is sitting down. Then it'll be clear who is the douchenozzle.

Do not leave. Get a digital recorder today. To-fecking-day.
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Re: What is the first step!??

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:00 pm

Basically what I received was info I already had. I paid $350 for an hour of basic knowledge. I want STRATEGY! What can I do to protect my assets?


No lawyer will tell you his or her strategy during an initial consultation, they will only give you the big picture, generalities. That's what I got, and it sounds like that is what you got. So:

Step 1. Do a thorough research on divorce lawyers (martindale.com, ask around, court house hearings)
Step 2. Pick 2-3 and interview them. Many/most do offer free or discounted initial consultations - you just need to ask ahead of time. $350 is way too much for an initial consultation.
Step 3. Select one and retain him or her.
Step 4. File for divorce.
Step 5. Depending on what your issues are (custody? alimony? assets?) discuss strategy with your lawyer. In many cases that is only possible after financial discovery.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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