BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

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BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby Marlie » Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:19 am

Just wanted to offer something that has helped me deal with crazy (HCP) when I have to, it is generally via email.

What is a High Conflict Personality (HCP)? HCP’s have a pattern of increasing high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than resolving it. Bill Eddy, Therapist, Lawyer, and Conflict Management Expert, says that there is an Observable High Conflict Pattern for HCP’s that can be identified by the following four characteristics:

• All-or-nothing thinking – HCP’s see only one solution and don’t take into consideration others points of view. Compromise and flexibility seem impossible for them.

• Unmanaged emotions - HCP’s are often very emotional about their points of view, expressing intense fear, anger, yelling or disrespect for those involved.

• Extreme behaviors - HCP’s frequently engage in extreme behavior. They may shove, hit, spread lies and do whatever they need to in order to get their own way.

• Blaming others – HCP’s don’t accept responsibility for their own actions and blame others for problems in their lives. They are highly critical of others, but see none of their own faults. They feel as if they might not survive if things don’t go their way.

It seems we all know someone with these characteristics. Using BIFF responses, we can at least take the stress off of ourselves a bit because it works to end the escalation of emotion:

BIFF:
Brief
Informative
Friendly
Firm

BIFF Responses avoid the 3 “A’s”:
1. Admonishments
2. Advice
3. Apologies (They will use this as proof that YOU ARE WRONG)

I really enjoy this site, I have gained a new perspective. I hope that the information is helpful to others as it has been to me.
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:29 am

BIFF is something we teach here on the reg.

However, we don't prefer that men psychologically analyze their ex's.
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Apr 04, 2017 11:35 am

The correct forum for talking politics is Miscellaneous.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Apr 04, 2017 11:44 am

BTAIM, Great post. Welcome to the forum.
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby iamthedad » Tue Apr 04, 2017 2:50 pm

What has confused me is the following:

These HCPs sound a ton like PDs (pick your type). The thing is that these people are so well defined that one can read about them and begin to feel as though they're reading about their own lives. It is as if someone were looking in through the window the descriptions/traits are so precisely documented.

But don't you dare suggest it to be true. You might know it to be true but it's nearly impossible to get anyone else to see it. I'm dealing with one of these people and I'm still learning how to reduce things to "just the facts". Doing so has resulted in even more lashing out. It's hard to just ignore it, but it can be done. For those times when it can't this thread is good advice, but let's just call it PD, because that's what it is.
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:12 pm

Penile Dysfunction?
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Apr 04, 2017 5:39 pm

Another women's auxiliary member?
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby iamthedad » Tue Apr 04, 2017 7:42 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:Penile Dysfunction?


Personality Disorder
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby Marlie » Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:40 am

The suggestion by the inventor of BIFF is not to try and diagnose, but the the majority of HCP individuals do have personality disorders. The one that I deal with is a Narcissist. I read up on that disorder so that I know what to expect from her, but the BIFF and EAR that is recommended by Bill Eddy seems to throw her off balance and makes it a little easier for us to deal with her. Nothing is fool proof, but I think it is key that we make things easier for ourselves by accepting that these type of people will NEVER change, and work to make sure that we don't let them escalate the situation (not always easy to do).
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Re: BIFF is helpful when dealing with HCPs

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:42 am

Are you a medical professional that is qualified to diagnose someone?
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