Want to divorce, but not sure it's the right play (MA)

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Re: Want to divorce, but not sure it's the right play (MA)

Unread postby dadforever » Sat Apr 08, 2017 3:49 pm

whatever_works wrote:Criminal court RO's are probably worse for dads. I've had a criminal court RO for 2 years and I can tell you that the confusion is worse than the actual order. The probate courts don't know how to handle it. My custody was in a sense settled by the criminal court. The judge doing temporary order hearing in probate court said he does not want to step on the toes of the criminal court judge. My wife's attorney used to relish the confusion and my first two attorneys were clueless.

From my understanding, probate court RO's are easier to handle for men's divorce attorneys.


I have also seen this as the jurisdiction questions cloud the issue. For example, my exes restraining order, which she gets renewed every year despite the fact that I have not spoken to her since 2012, is out of criminal court. However, a part of the restraining order is that I cannot contact my daughter's school. Of course the criminal court tells me to go to the probate court when I complain about this, and the probate court tells me to go to the criminal court.

This is sadly very common. For this reason unscrupulous attorneys are now mostly pursuing restraining orders out of criminal court. It is very difficult to win these cases in MA. They can usually only be won on appeal.

Bottom line: those statistics are very deceiving, because a criminal restraining order 'not in the file' is just as deadly to Dads case as a restraining order 'in the file'.
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Re: Want to divorce, but not sure it's the right play (MA)

Unread postby whatever_works » Sat Apr 08, 2017 9:11 pm

dadforever wrote:renewed every year despite the fact that I have not spoken to her since 2012, is out of criminal court. However, a part of the restraining order is that I cannot contact my daughter's school. Of course the criminal court tells me to go to the probate court when I complain about this, and the probate court tells me to go to the criminal court.


Btw, I had the same school < parenting time > restriction as well. The way you are supposed to beat it is by having your divorce attorney ask the divorce judge to explicitly write that you are allowed to visit schools. My current (good) attorney told me that the divorce court's order overrides criminal court's order as the criminal court's order has been included in the divorce court's order. Every time we visited the divorce court, we had to request a fresh copy of the criminal court's restraining order by asking the crim court to fax the latest to the probate/divorce court on the day of the hearing. Lucky for me though, I was able to challenge the RO and get it vacated with the help of a good criminal lawyer while my divorce lawyer was working to get the school change incorporated. My wife hired a separate criminal attorney just to keep the RO.

I think you should take one of these two approaches. Not talking to her is not going to help - you will have to fight the RO with the help of a lawyer.
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Re: Want to divorce, but not sure it's the right play (MA)

Unread postby dadforever » Sat Apr 08, 2017 9:36 pm

whatever_works wrote:
dadforever wrote:renewed every year despite the fact that I have not spoken to her since 2012, is out of criminal court. However, a part of the restraining order is that I cannot contact my daughter's school. Of course the criminal court tells me to go to the probate court when I complain about this, and the probate court tells me to go to the criminal court.





Btw, I had the same school < parenting time > restriction as well. The way you are supposed to beat it is by having your divorce attorney ask the divorce judge to explicitly write that you are allowed to visit schools. My current (good) attorney told me that the divorce court's order overrides criminal court's order as the criminal court's order has been included in the divorce court's order. Every time we visited the divorce court, we had to request a fresh copy of the criminal court's restraining order by asking the crim court to fax the latest to the probate/divorce court on the day of the hearing. Lucky for me though, I was able to challenge the RO and get it vacated with the help of a good criminal lawyer while my divorce lawyer was working to get the school change incorporated. My wife hired a separate criminal attorney just to keep the RO.

I think you should take one of these two approaches. Not talking to her is not going to help - you will have to fight the RO with the help of a lawyer.


Great info, thank you.
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Re: Want to divorce, but not sure it's the right play (MA)

Unread postby Minerva » Fri Apr 14, 2017 10:00 am

Having been married to a BPD, I can tell you that the moment you cut her out of your life, you will forget how fun life was. You have no idea the toll that she is taking on your life because you're so addicted to her toxicity.

Also, as scary as not seeing your kids every day is, now that I've been doing it a while, I would say that having kids some days and not others is an amazing way to have children. Having kids every day is a grind that wears you down and you don't even know it. When you get a few days to be yourself you can really focus on the kids when you see them, and you don't get that stress of never getting a break. The downside is that trying to co-parent with a BPD is a < feces > show. You will be the devil to her for the rest of your life, and she will use the kids to hurt you.

Still better than sticking it out with her cordially for 10 years though...IMO.
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