Dating Before Divorce is Final

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby RockyCali » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:14 am

Optimist630 wrote:Also, not sure about others here but 5 months in I felt ok, but as the end came and passed, the emotions ramped back up. I wouldnt have wanted to be dating me.

Ditto.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby MegaDad » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:21 am

Another thing to consider is to ask yourself, "What is the quality of a woman who is willing to get involved with a man still going through a divorce?" It would take a real saint of a person to inject themselves into such a potentially volatile situation.

Through the experience of those on this forum it is far more likely any woman willing to do that is either not entirely stable herself, or is trying to take advantage of you.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby afc » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:23 am

Nope, saints don't do that stuff.

More likely a woman who just really LOVES drama.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:50 am

I've written about self-reconstruction, and I think they can still be found by searching for "peart" on the forums.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby newman » Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:04 pm

dave534 wrote:I am 5 months into my divorce. We had mediation in early February, and it was a disaster. So now we are moving toward trial.

My wife has already been dating, and has even gone on a 3 day trip to the coast with a guy.

From my understanding, her dating and infidelity after the divorce papers were served will not do much for my case.

Considering she is dating, what are the repercussions of me dating other women at this point?


Thanks!


My ex did the same thing - who cares? Let your STBX do whatever she wants. The reality is you need to focus on getting the divorce finalized, and you need time to heal from the loss. You definitely don't need a new relationship right now. Work on yourself and have some fun finding yourself and being ok alone for awhile.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:18 pm

MegaDad wrote:"What is the quality of a woman who is willing to get involved with a man still going through a divorce?"



In my experience the majority doesn't care if your married or not, they don't even care if they are married/divorcing too. If you are a guy with an education, career, cars, house and look to be financially stable its been my experience that they just don't care.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby JimRockford » Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:32 pm

lovingfatherof2 wrote:
In my experience the majority doesn't care if your married or not, they don't even care if they are married/divorcing too. If you are a guy with an education, career, cars, house and look to be financially stable its been my experience that they just don't care.


From what I have observed, 95% of women are in a relationship it may not be a good relationship, but it appears that to a woman,any relationship no matter how bad, is better than no relationship. As for the remaining 5%, most of them suddenly got dumped and it is only a matter of a very short time before they find a relationship, they will be turning over every potential guy as fast as possible to find one, even though they know that this tactic puts them at serious risk for a bad one.

So if they can find the financially stable dude going through a divorce, it sure beats someone living in his mother's basement.
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby dave534 » Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:11 pm

Thanks Again.

All good advice.

I definitely miss the companionship of a woman. It is a void in my life. But like you all have recommended, it is in my best interest to put it off.

I suppose my other option is to join new groups or clubs to be exposed to other woman - though not romanticallly.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby gamingdad » Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:24 pm

Being exposed like that is just dry humping.
It's always gonna be in the back of your mind if you go thinking about the women participants in whatever activity you choose.
Self-awareness is key to avoid those pitfalls, and that comes from spending time focusing on yourself.
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Re: Dating Before Divorce is Final

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:46 pm

You're not catching the good advice. You see the words but aren't really reading them.

A core problem with you is that you have the delusion that someone else can fill a void in you. If you don't fix that deficiency now, you'll regret it. Not only do confident and competent people avoid the dependent ones, some of them also can find you easy prey, too.

Want female companionship? Internet videos of an adult nature abound, at no cost to you. Your arms are evolved to be the perfect length to put your hands where they're needed to perform the preventative five-knuckle shuffle, thus mitigating stupid decisions that dependent people tend to make about "needing a woman."

Join groups for you, not to put you in proximity to women. Why? Because women will sniff out readily a vulnerable, needy guy like you and either be repulsed, or see you as a dupe from which they can separate money. Before you conclude I'm just jaded, understand that this is our recommended, time-tested, and proven strategy for long-term happiness that only asks you not to be impulsive and dependent on others for one year. If that's too much to ask of you, do yourself a favor and ask yourself why is that true. Ask why your kids aren't worth that effort to cultivate a great Dad out of that one year of self-reconstruction.

Tell me about the threads you have read where I talk about self-reconstruction...and please cite the book title that I often recommend for guys to read during the phase you're now in...I'll be waiting for your response. You've got this if you stay engaged here.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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