Brother could be in trouble.

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby MegaDad » Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:43 am

Disclaimer: I know we don't do third party advice here, but my brother is in what I see as a dangerous situation.

About 6 months ago his wife was pretty much ready to "issue him his walking papers" as he put it. Nothing unique really, she felt he didn't do enough around the house, not enough with his two girls, not enough time with her, etc. He is the sole breadwinner and she a SAHM. From my limited involvement (he came to me asking what to do, as he knows I've been through a divorce) and I directed him here. He didn't quite think things were that bleak yet but did start utilizing some of the advice we give here (parenting time journal, financial austerity) They talked it out, individually met with some attorneys, he basically told her that if she wanted out, she could go, but he would fight tooth and nail for 50/50 and their marital home. At present it seems things have improved and are back to "normal."

My concern stems from the fact that after 6 years of marriage she just NOW got what could be considered an actual job which pays enough for someone to actually live on, is also going to the gym almost nightly, and turned on the sex again after what my brother referred to as quite a dry spell.

Last bit of pertinent info: She is originally from another state, she has NO family in this state at all. The only thing tying her here are him and their kids. Also, starting in May my brother will be gone for about 6 or 7 months as he enlisted in the Air National Guard and is going to basic training and his AIT as well.

Am I the only one seeing the writing on the wall here? I see this potentially ending horribly, based on stories from these forums. In your guys' experience is there any way to help someone who no longer thinks he needs help?
User avatar
MegaDad
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2014 5:22 pm

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:52 am

I see the writing on the wall. I know how this is going to go down and its not going to be pretty.
I type butter on mah phon
User avatar
lovingfatherof2
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2002
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby afc » Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:54 am

So now getting a job and having sex with your husband is a bad sign?
afc
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7030
Joined: Wed Nov 06, 2013 4:22 pm

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:54 am

Introduce him to the concept of Jody and its prevalence.
User avatar
Fatheroffour
Moderator
 
Posts: 35840
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:37 am
Location: Top of the world

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby JimRockford » Mon Mar 20, 2017 11:01 am

The counselor that my ex and I started going to and who also saw right through her BS told me that when couples both sincerely see their parts in what went wrong and both do their own parts to work at it believes that in his experience that 70% of relationships can be saved. In cases where one or both do not acknowledge their faults or do the work, they all fail, even if they somehow manage to stay married.

Hopefully, they are doing the work and can arrive in the former category.
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
JimRockford
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 825
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 12:48 am

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Mar 20, 2017 11:54 am

MegaDad wrote:.....my brother will be gone for about 6 or 7 months as he enlisted in the Air National Guard and is going to basic training and his AIT.....
This is exactly what your brother's NJ was talking about - not being available. Being gone for that length of time will set him up for disaster. WTF is he thinking??

Perfect storm = While your brother's playing fly boy for the next 6 mos, if ever there was a time for NJ to file first, this would be it. In fact, I'd be surprised if she didn't.

And as for that sudden surge in great sex?? That's nothing more than a temporary distraction. Because when the cat's away, mice will play.

Tell your brother to look what's in store for him in his not-too-distant future. Tell him to read The List:

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13374

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
Tom Kirkpatrick
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 6949
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:31 pm
Location: Pacific NW

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Mar 20, 2017 12:27 pm

Cliff notes:

She wanted a divorce but they talked it out and she found out he'll fight tooth and nail for 50 50.

She knows he's going away in a few months for a few months.

It's all good now.
User avatar
Fatheroffour
Moderator
 
Posts: 35840
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:37 am
Location: Top of the world

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby MegaDad » Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:50 pm

^^^^^ Right?

I see the dominos being lined up but he seems to think that everything is okay. I hope like high hell that it is and I am just being a bitter divorced dude, lol. Is there no way to clue him in?
User avatar
MegaDad
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2014 5:22 pm

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby afc » Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:57 pm

And tell him what?

"Your wife is now behaving exactly how you want her to. She's employed, losing weight and jumping you. Dude, you should divorce her"

If she were really lining up dominoes, wouldnt she continue to be a sahm?

Question: Why did he sign up for the guard when he had doubts about his marriage?
afc
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7030
Joined: Wed Nov 06, 2013 4:22 pm

Re: Brother could be in trouble.

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:57 pm

Buy a clue for the clueless?

Deployment is tough on a strong relationship. His isn't. While he wants to believe everything is OK, it's a dissonance we've all experienced.

Everything isn't OK.

The divorced seem to want to warn the married, however, some things are only learned through experience.
User avatar
Fatheroffour
Moderator
 
Posts: 35840
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:37 am
Location: Top of the world

Next

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Abyssclimber and 12 guests