Scorched earth or good enough deal?

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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby quantum » Mon Mar 20, 2017 12:08 am

60 min commute to work each way is a norm atleast where I live during peak hours. The days I pick and drop off its almost 90 minutes. I only have one kid but I think its still doable in your situation as well. Don't settle to something which cannot be reversed later due to inconvenience now
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:48 am

dofb wrote:She has verbally agreed to 50/50. And even agreed to how much she would ask in SS and CS. Now, do we just give that to the lawyers or are the amounts and $$$ good to go?


If you've read a few posts on the forums you'll see references to the Mr. Wonderful effect. It's a short lived time where your STBX is wholly focused on her new relationship and will offer favorable terms in order to be free from her current marriage ASAP. I'm not telling you this in order to get you suspicious or angry that there could be another man breaking up your marriage, but because this mental state is very short lived and even shorter if her new relationship fizzles. In other words if she's offering 50/50 legal/physical custody you should act quickly and nail that down.

Does your STBX work, is she educated? You mentioned a CS number, but how does that compare with a accurately completed CSOW (Child Support Obligation Worksheet)? What is the maintenance offer and for how long?
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Mon Mar 20, 2017 8:51 am

She's dropped out of college a few times. Going back again. The numbers are pretty close on the online worksheet and frankly, I am not going to worry about 50-100 a week. Support is for 2.5 years or when she starts working. Older two go on 2/2/3. Child 3 goes on 2/2/3 next year. Still figuring out #4. All kids come half of spring break and half of fall break, plus 10 days after Christmas to me. I get older children slightly more than 50%. She will have me keep exemptions for the next three years and then split 50/50. I get head of household. Next year, we will split extra-curricular activities 75/25, then moves to 50/50. Still gotta work on dental and orthodontia. Childcare will be 50/50 and I will pay my share of 4-5 years up front. We both get right of first refusal.

I told her that everything is going to be spelled out or no deal. She also stated that her lawyer was pushing more and I told her flat out that it's not going to happen. I am sure I am missing something, but that's what I got right now. She wants to move as soon as the schools are out and I want things written down and finaiized before then. Thoughts?
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Mon Mar 20, 2017 9:46 am

dofb wrote:She's dropped out of college a few times. Going back again.

Is she currently working, if so how many hours a week?
dofb wrote:All kids come half of spring break and half of fall break, plus 10 days after Christmas to me.

The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines has a very well laid out holiday parenting plan, why not follow that? Splitting spring break and fall break virtually ensures there will be future conflict when either parent wants to take a trip.
dofb wrote:I get head of household.

Keep in mind that HOH cannot be governed by a divorce decree, you have to meet the IRS requirements to file as HOH.
dofb wrote:Childcare will be 50/50 and I will pay my share of 4-5 years up front.

Can you explain this statement? You should ALWAYS pay childcare directly to the childcare provider, as well as receive a credit on the CSOW for childcare payments. Paying up front directly to your ex would be a horrible idea.
dofb wrote:We both get right of first refusal.

Your attorney has probably already explained this, but case law in Indiana has deemed that an adult living in the household negates the need to offer ROFR parenting time to the other parent. If your STBX moves in Mr Wonderful a month after the divorce is final, she is free to leave the children with Mr Wonderful whenever she leaves her house without offering ROFR. Just something to consider when you weigh the expected benefits of ROFR.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Mon Mar 20, 2017 10:37 am

Hoosierdad - I cannot make budgets meet if I don't pay up front. That's only until the youngest is in kindergarten. Then it's a 50/50 split. And I will pay the providers up front. I want ROFR - I don't want some Mr. W taking up my kids' time.

She's not working now. She'll probably do some version of part time work and online classes until the daily workshops start for her.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Mon Mar 20, 2017 11:41 am

dofb wrote:Hoosierdad - I cannot make budgets meet if I don't pay up front. That's only until the youngest is in kindergarten. Then it's a 50/50 split. And I will pay the providers up front.

I still don't understand what you mean by pay up front. Are you paying for years of childcare in one payment, are you paying up front each quarter to get a discount? What does pay up front mean in this situation?
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Mon Mar 20, 2017 12:56 pm

One lump sum payment for my part of childcare for four years.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:04 pm

Very unwise. Much will change within 4 years.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:43 pm

dofb wrote:One lump sum payment for my part of childcare for four years.


Absolutely horrible idea, do not do this.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Mon Mar 20, 2017 2:06 pm

Can you please elaborate? Pros, it simplifies my finances. Cons, what if she uses it all? She actually suggested a trust or something along those lines to protect against such an event. What else am I not seeing?
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