Scorched earth or good enough deal?

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Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:09 pm

Howdy folks, dad of four girls (all under 9 here). I am from the state that has a basketball movie named after it. Married 14 years, of which STBX chose not to work or work part time after child 1 was born. A while ago I got the “I love you but not in love with you” spiel that many people here have gotten. It’s weird because just a month ago, she was in with the sex and plans for summer and house improvements. I don’t really know what threw the switch – hoping it’s not another man, but more of a selfish “I am not content” and will do something deal, but even if it is, I am awake and alert and done. We had a big argument a few years ago, but didn’t really fight or argue recently. Sure, we disagreed, but people are not twins and are entitled to their opinions. So, this came as a shock, but she managed to break me off my “oh < feces >, I can work on this” in two weeks when I saw her make-up face sending pictures to someone else (who she claimed to be her girlfriends). Oh well. And if it’s a man, I wouldn’t really be surprised as I have seen the MIL’s behavior over the years.

I have read the list and am exercising some of it, and she’s starting to see some reality as she’s out looking for things. So, the recent offers haven’t been too bad. I will still serve her with my list first, and see where it goes. That said, I have a question for folks: is it settle for something good enough, or is it full scorched earth? I am in a job that handles a lot of negotiations, and am willing to do the “truly” equitable deal, but will turn it into a “burn the universe” if I sense STBX and OC are trying to pull a fast one on me. Also, I have heard from my attorney, whose office was highly recommended for father’s rights, that they don’t want me to be overly aggressive. I am thinking of doing a “here’s the deal” or we see each other in court. I actually reminded my attorney that they work for me last week. Thoughts please?
Last edited by dofb on Sun Mar 19, 2017 8:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:12 pm

Hello,

I don't watch movies or basketball, so what State do you reside in?
What are your goals for custody and parenting the children?
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:32 pm

Indiana. I want 50/50. I would do 100% for the school age children, but 50/50 is fair. For child 3, I want 50/50 as soon as she's in kindergarten. Child 4, I want to transition to weekends in the next few years and then to 50/50. I want my kids period. I am willing to give up on assets, but only for a fair deal that's cleanly spelled out over time.

I will PM you more particulars. I would assume OC is strolling these pages.
Last edited by dofb on Sun Mar 19, 2017 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:33 pm

You strolling all the women's forums looking for the wifey?
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:38 pm

Well, I guess I am an idiot... didn't think about that.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:43 pm

Actually, you're being smart to limit what you write about your legal matters on a public forum, but we've got your back and will let you know if it's too much. Frankly, watch how many men use their real name over the next week and you'll see how smart you were to start at your highest level of security.

Your goals seem to suggest you can't parent toddlers? Is this because you think your work schedule will hinder you doing 50/50 for all the boys?
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby grandetaco » Sun Mar 19, 2017 7:00 am

dof4b,

If you are worried about stbx finding this forum, change the ages, gender of your 3 kids etc.

Not in love with you = Another man, ask how I know.

Mindset, you need to accept that there will be changes and you can take care of these children. You have to started thinking of solutions for what you perceive are road blocks to you being an able father.

Start stashing cash away very discretely. Read the list, and then tell us why do you think she will negotiate with you and why will not.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Sun Mar 19, 2017 8:16 am

I got wind of what was going on and filed first. I didn't want to get hit with a TRO. I haven't left the house and told her point blank that I am not letting her keep the house. I did read the list just in time.

I think she will negotiate because she thinks grass is greener on the other side and knows that I can and will be hard to deal with if I am pushed. The reasons to not negotiate would be to get more child support, spousal support, and child care expenses.

There aren't any roadblocks for the older kids. 50/50 is not that difficult. I can adjust my schedule at work to 50/50 on-site and remote. The pre-schoolers are a different story. One I can handle. The youngest is too young. The major issue becomes finances: CS and CC combined will put me over what I am making.
Last edited by dofb on Sun Mar 19, 2017 9:20 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Sun Mar 19, 2017 8:23 am

Also, is it beneficial to confront her for an infidelity? Or just don't say anything?
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Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Mar 19, 2017 9:24 am

Don't say anything to the mother about your suspicion. It is just as likely she happened to discover her value on the open market, and has a certain fantasy of a bigger, better deal.

You paranoia isn't going to help us help you. The suggestion to change the genders and ages is not appropriate as it matters to the advice we give - it feeds your paranoia, you will have trouble keeping it straight, and later it will appear non-sensical when you have to correct other members due to your fiction in posting.

Opposing Counsel is not going to cruise the internet looking for you, the mother couldn't tolerate the men's style of discussion, and the content here is not going to help them win against you. The source of discovery is much more likely to be yourself, and your computer hygiene, than randomly finding you like a needle in a haystack. Please be rational about this.

You have 4 boys, under the age of 9, some not in school yet.
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