Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Tue Mar 21, 2017 1:22 pm

Based on my tax research, the child care tax credit will be minimal in my case - at most 1200. I have heard everything you guys have said and will probably do a big withdrawal from the 401k to cover child care and pay as we go.

Hoosierdad, you stated 60-70c on the $ for the child care. But we both will need to have child care - at the end of the day it probably becomes a wash, right?
dofb
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2017 9:29 pm

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby Timeflies » Tue Mar 21, 2017 3:43 pm

dofb wrote:Based on my tax research, the child care tax credit will be minimal in my case - at most 1200. I have heard everything you guys have said and will probably do a big withdrawal from the 401k to cover child care and pay as we go.

Hoosierdad, you stated 60-70c on the $ for the child care. But we both will need to have child care - at the end of the day it probably becomes a wash, right?



Do your research before you borrow from a 401k....

https://www.forbes.com/sites/stuartrobe ... 296d1476b2
Timeflies
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 63
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2017 1:23 pm

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Tue Mar 21, 2017 3:54 pm

Agreed, and I wouldn't think about it under any circumstance, but this isn't a normal circumstance. Having two kids who are not in pre-school means I will have to pay child care. I have calculated that amount to equal to about 40k after tax. I have listened to the folks on the forum about making sure that the care is provided at a qualified place and not some random person. This is also the reason I thought about giving her more of the 401k up-front. Obviously, if she's not working, she can take care of the kids and we have no child-care expenses, but I cannot bank on that.

There are still some issues to be worked out, but this is the biggest issue that I am struggling with.

Also, another question, since we have agreed to the 2/2/3 plan, should I implement that right away, even though we are still in the same house to ensure status quo come pre-trial hearing time?

I really appreciate all the feedback here.
dofb
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2017 9:29 pm

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby Bobby5000 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 6:46 pm

"I want 50/50. I would do 100% for the school age children, but 50/50 is fair. For child 3, I want 50/50 as soon as she's in kindergarten. Child 4, I want to transition to weekends in the next few years and then to 50/50." This seems a little confusing. Judges tend to like the person who makes their job easier.

The lump sum seems perplexing. If I am a wife's attorney and that's offered, don't I say, great, we need the lump payment and some more money paid over time. I wouldn't go into a bar in a tough area flashing cash and wouldn't tell my wife and her lawyer that I had a whole bunch of money ready to be paid now. Why not suggest a more modest amount up front so that the monthly payments are within your budget.

Emotions do come into play and in many divorces, there is one spouse still in love or very angry, with both influencing decisions and prolonging the matter. It looks like you are the wronged party, she may be reasonable knowing that she is primarily at fault, so try to work on something that seems fair and get it done. Note litigation has a way of making both sides angry and less reasonable.
Bobby5000
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 493
Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2013 8:23 pm

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Wed Mar 22, 2017 5:50 am

dofb wrote:Hoosierdad, you stated 60-70c on the $ for the child care. But we both will need to have child care - at the end of the day it probably becomes a wash, right?

Probably, you'd need to run the numbers. The norm in Indiana Family Court rulings is for the non-custodial parent to pay all childcare and receive the full credit. If you both pay 50% you'll need to run the CSOW with the numbers.
dofb wrote:I have listened to the folks on the forum about making sure that the care is provided at a qualified place and not some random person. This is also the reason I thought about giving her more of the 401k up-front. Obviously, if she's not working, she can take care of the kids and we have no child-care expenses, but I cannot bank on that.

A qualified childcare provider is an obvious necessity, but the point we keep pounding on is that you should not pay your ex for childcare. I get the feeling that you are not only planning on that, but are willing to put that language in your decree. That would be a big mistake.
User avatar
hoosier_dad
Moderator
 
Posts: 4732
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2010 10:02 am

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby steelmark » Wed Mar 22, 2017 8:48 am

Protect your kids residency beyond the standard move away notice as mentioned above.

You have no way of knowing what may happen during or after divorce, things often get goofy.

Get a temp order locking the kids to their current school district, district during the pendency of the case. It locks up status quo. After filing, I sniffed out my ex wanted to move the kids, so I jumped on the TRO to prevent it. We made a case that we needed the temp order to prevent a tug of war while the case was active.

In the end, that TRO couldn't be overcome, and while it took nearly 2 more years, my case was won then and there. I has 2 of 3 kids in school at the time of the temp order.

Lock it up, make no assumptions.
Prepare and execute to win by a thousand miles, just to be in position to win by an inch.
User avatar
steelmark
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1663
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:01 am

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby big guy » Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:51 pm

Are you going to be in for a rude awakening!

Things are not going to be as simple as you think. Moms think they have a lot more right over their offspring than dads do. It will happen sooner of later. Be prepared for the change.
big guy
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1366
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2013 8:12 am

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby dofb » Sat Apr 15, 2017 10:33 pm

I wanted to update the forum on what's going on...

We have verbally agreed to 50/50 - 2/2/5/5 schedule for older boys and every other day for child #4 and he will start overnights at 2.

CSO was calculated without childcare and child care is split 50/50. I have figured out a way to make child care work. It will be tough in the first 3 years, but doable.

SS will be 150/week and CSO will be 350/week (that's $15 different than the norm). The only portion that I am not agreeing with is her wanting to negotiate it in 3 years again. If she's employed, that would reduce the number significantly, but I am worried that she would try to bring other stuff in... so attorney is working on a fixable solution.

We will stay in the same school district.

Medical / dental will be 70/30 for three years and move to 60/40 after that.
Orthodontia will be 50/50

School and extra-curricular activities will be split 50/50

I get to keep the house, she moves away to an apartment 5 minutes away.

Both have agreed to right of first refusal.


I have found out about the other men... so, while I am really hurt that someone would do that, I told STBX and my attorney to get this done and filed. Also, gave an ultimatum to STBX, that should she not sign the agreement, we are going to trial.

Attorney and I have talked and we feel we have a pretty good case. This week the draft agreement goes out and if she hasn't signed it, next week the discovery goes out...

I want this over with and she's surprised that I will not talk to her other than in short sentences and only when kids are concerned. Whatever... I hope the hurt she's inflicted comes back to her 10 times.
dofb
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2017 9:29 pm

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby Me_and_my_boys » Sat Apr 15, 2017 11:07 pm

dofb wrote:The only portion that I am not agreeing with is her wanting to negotiate it in 3 years again.


Isn't CS up for review every three years anyway? (Not sure how this varies from state to state.)

dofb wrote:We will stay in the same school district.


Will this be directly stated in the agreement as a radius restriction?
User avatar
Me_and_my_boys
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:23 pm
Location: NYC

Re: Scorched earth or good enough deal?

Unread postby Trevor » Sun Apr 16, 2017 6:11 am

The "no overnights til the kid is two years old" part is < bovine scat >.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 22790
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests