Its About Freaking Time

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Its About Freaking Time

Unread postby Overdonedad » Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:28 pm

I've been a casual reader of this forum for some time as I have been contemplating divorce for several years.

Details of present situation:
-Living in Nevada and married 14 years
-Have S15 and D7
-NJ has not worked a job for 14 years
-She has written out the bills for years (what a dumb@< hindquarters > I am)
-For years her fiscal planning constituted buying everything on CC's and paying minimum payments. I was not fully aware of this until fairly recently (again what I dumb@< hindquarters > I am)
-We are near the point of not covering monthly bills (mostly due to CC payment's). Only debt are home and CC's.
-NJ's been a good mother to our kids, but we have shared all the typical duties of raising them (except for me paying for everything)
-NJ has been "trying" to find a job for years now, but its obvious she does not want to work
-I want divorce but she vehemently does not (go figure...she gets to live off my paycheck
-Told NJ I want a divorce and she is in denial stage
-I believe she has coaching from friends

-Secure lawyer
-Sell house (already in motion...only remaining equity I have besides 401k) to payoff CC debt prior to filing (or is after filing or actual divorce better?)
-Stay in house until sold, then get appt. for kids and me without NJ until process is through.
-Work through as much of the details directly with NJ as opposed to through lawyers to keep $'s down.
-Propose joint legal and physical custody
-Child support is formula based in NV, but limited to certain max (which I believe i would be maxed out here). This I have no problem with and presumably not recourse anyway.
-Work out property split as needed. I believe NV is pretty straight forward 50/50 split of post marital stuff here.
-Marital 401k split down the middle. Premarital 401k's retained by original owner.
-Alimony: Here I need some opinions....she refuses to work but had $80k/yr job in retail mgt until after we got married. She was to stay home only until kids were in school. Should I expect to only pay alimony based on her working in her previous career (14 years ago $'s or current market value of her working?) or based on no job? I don't want to support this freeloader any longer!

-Should I go nuclear by directing all my income into new account (I already have one set up), locking down all CC's (how do I go about this?), only giving small allowance in cash to NJ and pay all bills out of my new account?
-Best way to convince NJ this is the best way forward for kids since we argue all the time and have no $ for creating memories with the kids (at least good memories)? She, is according to her, willing to do anything to keep the kids and us can I use this to my advantage?
-Can I expect to pay for her lawyer costs?
-Expected alimony to NJ? I make $135k/yr and right now she makes $0 (WTF?)
-Did NV just pass a more kind to dad custody ruling? Any details?

Let the games begin.......
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Re: Its About Freaking Time

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:46 pm

Your plan is weak, but we can get to that.

Yes, direct your paycheck into a new account. Pay all the household expenses yourself. But do not give her a small "allowance", Captain. She can get a job for money.

Do not attempt to convince the mother of anything, Captain. You are getting a divorce, practice radio silence.

Our family law legal system does not depend on one party paying for both. The award of fees is rare, and usually limited to an average retainer. Lawyers expect to get paid up front and will not take the case on the speculation that you would be ordered to pay later. Her legal fees are not your concern, Captain, she will find a way to pay.

Rehabilitative alimony is possible. Not a worry now.

Custody depends on you - how involved are you in the children's lives? Health care, school, activities, and all the other parenting stuff? You have an uphill battle because the status quo has been mom as the primary caretaker, not because the Courts are friendlier to one parent over the other.

That's a start, how involved are you with the kids, Daddio?
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Re: Its About Freaking Time

Unread postby Chasbo » Fri Mar 17, 2017 5:41 pm

You seem focused on the financial side.

I had a super cheap divorce, pay way under market child support, minimal alimony, I had a working spouse and make more then you. After my divorce I nearly had to declare bankruptcy. The disruption and cost of a contested divorce is unreal.

What I would do is tell wifey that there are new rules now. She needs to get a job. No more credit cards etc. Give it a year and build your case.

Then in a year reassess the situation.
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Re: Its About Freaking Time

Unread postby Overdonedad » Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:37 pm


Thanks for the comments...

My involvement with my kids has always been very strong. The basics of early child care things (i.e. feedings, diapers, putting to bed, etc.) have always been at least 50% if not more on my part. To this day the bedtime ritual for my daughter (7) is still at least 50%....son (15) bedtime ritual was 50% til he became to old to want mom and dad to continue. All sports and extracurricular activities have always involved me virtually 100%. I'm usually the one that gets them out to the parks, skating, and general fun time activities and I have always had special days with them individually (since its hard for a 15y/o boy and 7y/o girl to have fun at the same outing) for special daddy/daughter/son days. School homework help (nightly) for my son from about 6th grade to now (10th grade) has been 100% me, but currently my daughters homework help is my wife with me helping when needed.

Overall we both have been very involved parents, so I can't knock her there....we just can't provide a household with happily married mom and dad.

I don't see how my child care levels point to me being at a disadvantage for getting 50/50 legal and physical? I don't really want to limit the kids time with mom to less than equal to me....maybe I'm being naive here though.


I do not want a contested divorce not only for financial reasons, but more so to make the transition for my kids to be as healthy as possible for them. That is my ultimately want a smooth divorce, but realize that is a difficult proposition at best.

I have stayed in this loveless marriage for years in order to keep the kids life stable and happy, but realize that this is not happening. I have realized during the dad only experiences with my kids that I am a better dad to them when I'm not with the NJ.

So, my plan at this point is to do the revocation of CC's, no access to any money unless she gets a job, pay all bills out of my new account and move forward with selling the house. Then strengthen my plan but here is where I need more input.
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