Thanks for the comments...
My involvement with my kids has always been very strong. The basics of early child care things (i.e. feedings, diapers, putting to bed, etc.) have always been at least 50% if not more on my part. To this day the bedtime ritual for my daughter (7) is still at least 50%....son (15) bedtime ritual was 50% til he became to old to want mom and dad to continue. All sports and extracurricular activities have always involved me virtually 100%. I'm usually the one that gets them out to the parks, skating, and general fun time activities and I have always had special days with them individually (since its hard for a 15y/o boy and 7y/o girl to have fun at the same outing) for special daddy/daughter/son days. School homework help (nightly) for my son from about 6th grade to now (10th grade) has been 100% me, but currently my daughters homework help is my wife with me helping when needed.
Overall we both have been very involved parents, so I can't knock her there....we just can't provide a household with happily married mom and dad.
I don't see how my child care levels point to me being at a disadvantage for getting 50/50 legal and physical? I don't really want to limit the kids time with mom to less than equal to me....maybe I'm being naive here though.
I do not want a contested divorce not only for financial reasons, but more so to make the transition for my kids to be as healthy as possible for them. That is my ultimately reason....to want a smooth divorce, but realize that is a difficult proposition at best.
I have stayed in this loveless marriage for years in order to keep the kids life stable and happy, but realize that this is not happening. I have realized during the dad only experiences with my kids that I am a better dad to them when I'm not with the NJ.
So, my plan at this point is to do the revocation of CC's, no access to any money unless she gets a job, pay all bills out of my new account and move forward with selling the house. Then strengthen my plan but here is where I need more input.