Finally Trying to do this Right

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Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby WantToMoveOn » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:17 am

A few months ago I found these forums, got some tough love and quickly realized that I had no idea what I was doing down the road of divorce. I have been in contact with an attorney to complete a separation agree we can both sign. I wanted to follow up with where I am now and get some more feedback from the group.

Quick recap, we have a 3 year old daughter, wife is unemployed (for the past 4 years but was very gainfully employed previously) and is currently trying to find a job so she can move out. I have offered to go ahead and put our daughter in day care to help facilitate her job hunting. This has become very frustrating for both of us as we both want our own space. Verbally, we agree on custody arrangements post separation and there after (50/50). We agree of division of property as well as profits from the sale of our house. Obviously, I will pay any and all child support the state tells me to. I have also offered to pay for day care post separation/divorce permanently. On top of this I have verbally offered to use the 1/3-1/3-1/3 rule to determine spousal support for the next 24 months. This is the sticking point. She doesn't know what to expect out of spousal support and wants to make sure it's fair to her. I explained that she can always obtain an attorney to rep her but I will not pay for it. She will have to put it on her credit card and pay it off later.

I guess my question is, what is fair with spousal support? I don't want stick her (and my daughter when she is there) in a poor standard of living. I don't want to live a poor standard so she can have everything she wants. I want her to be able to take care of herself and I am willing to help her with that, but I don't want to end up helping her forever.

Thanks in advance for an advice.
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:53 am

Are you accounting for the mother getting a new boyfriend who will pay for everything?
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby Rssooner » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:48 am

WantToMoveOn,

I am finalizing my divorce without mediation and obviously without a court so I am a bit further along in the process. My STBX didn't work, moved out, now has a job but not enough to support herself and my S8 50% of the time. So pretty similar.

It sounds like you two are keeping a level head so far. Depending on what state you live in (I live in TX) spousal support is 100% tax deductible as long as it's 3 or more years and you can lump some the amount if you want vs. monthly. You may want to pay her more in SS to obtain other things. My wife wants the cash so I am giving her 60/40 in equity in home for way less in my retirment.

You need to see if your STBX is willing to list out her soon to be expenses for living on her own. That will give you an idea on what you may have to pay at the beginning until she gets a job. SS (in tx) is defined as financial support for essential expenses to help get STBX on his/her feet. Doesn't mean you pay for the brand new home.

First, it's good that she is willing to move out. Like everyone says on here...DO NOT MOVE OUT. Secondly, I would do what it took to stay in the house together until she finds a job. That's less you will have to pay out of your pocket in the long run. Just look at it as a roommate situation and just do everything and say everything with the mindset of what is best for your daughter.

I hope this helps. Unless I am misssing something, I wouldn't worry about what Bart says regarding a boyfriend. That's something you have no control over. IF she has one and moves in with him or vice versa than that's a different story.

I hope this helps some. Good luck. It sucks but will get better.

RS
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:58 am

IF she has one and moves in with him or vice versa than that's a different story.
That's what I am referring to - a woman can have all her post-divorce expenses paid, something most men will not enjoy post divorce.

Fretting over the mother living in a single-wide trailer down by the railroad tracks, because the OP is the only guy in the world who will support her in the manner she is accustomed, ignores the reality that women enjoy in our culture. If she can fog a mirror, there are many men willing to pay her expenses.
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:15 am

Some don't even have to fog a mirror and that meat hole will still have a line of men willing to pay for everything.
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby WantToMoveOn » Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:35 am

Rssooner wrote:WantToMoveOn,

I am finalizing my divorce without mediation and obviously without a court so I am a bit further along in the process. My STBX didn't work, moved out, now has a job but not enough to support herself and my S8 50% of the time. So pretty similar.

It sounds like you two are keeping a level head so far. Depending on what state you live in (I live in TX) spousal support is 100% tax deductible as long as it's 3 or more years and you can lump some the amount if you want vs. monthly. You may want to pay her more in SS to obtain other things. My wife wants the cash so I am giving her 60/40 in equity in home for way less in my retirment.

You need to see if your STBX is willing to list out her soon to be expenses for living on her own. That will give you an idea on what you may have to pay at the beginning until she gets a job. SS (in tx) is defined as financial support for essential expenses to help get STBX on his/her feet. Doesn't mean you pay for the brand new home.

First, it's good that she is willing to move out. Like everyone says on here...DO NOT MOVE OUT. Secondly, I would do what it took to stay in the house together until she finds a job. That's less you will have to pay out of your pocket in the long run. Just look at it as a roommate situation and just do everything and say everything with the mindset of what is best for your daughter.

I hope this helps. Unless I am misssing something, I wouldn't worry about what Bart says regarding a boyfriend. That's something you have no control over. IF she has one and moves in with him or vice versa than that's a different story.

I hope this helps some. Good luck. It sucks but will get better.

RS


Thanks for the advice RS. We are currently are doing the roommate situation. She moved into the spare bedroom a few months ago which has helped. To your point, she and I would both prefer for her to find a paycheck prior to her moving out. I have even explained that if we can continue to get along (ebbs and flows of course) she can stay in the house post job securement to save up some money for a bit. She has been seeing someone (we both have) and he has offered her to stay with him but she wants to have her own place understandably. I have even offered to pay him rent. I admit, we are both at least trying to be agreeable and understanding. We both still care for each other but we were better friends than spouses even years ago.
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:22 pm

WTFrick you are both seeing someone?

Ignore the Great One at your peril. Sooner perhaps you should spend more time researching cupcakes and Captain Savaho before you start giving out dating advice.

Stick to picking NCAA teams and I would suggest looking away from your home state of your namesake:-)

Kidding on the last line Boomer. Remeber with newbies be careful gong against proven strategies and veterans posts (and I am a newbie to).

OP look at how long someone had been a member here before you take their strategy seriously and although not a litmus test telling some to date while still married AND living together?

Reallly? Jumped off any cliffs lately. But go ahead and get back to us on how that all worked out.

Geez.
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:39 pm

WantToMoveOn wrote:.....wife is unemployed.....and is currently trying to find a job so she can move out.
1) She's using her unemployed status to bilk more alimony out of you.

2) Do whatever it takes to get her moved out ASAP. Because, as a general rule, he who gets the house also gets primary.

3) Before anything else, lock in parenting plan first and foremost - 50/50.

Tom
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby afc » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:43 pm

If you're seeing someone while not divorced then you learly didnt get enough tough love here.

Women who latch onto a man who is still married and has a small child are usually stupid and desperate.

Do you want to be dating someone stupid and desperate?
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Re: Finally Trying to do this Right

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:49 pm

Thinking the same about a guy who is going through a divorce who has a small kid and is out looking for a < female dog >.
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