I don't understand the logic behind using the newspapers other than her trying to deliberately hurt you. I only say this because me ex has become someone who goes out of her way to continually try to hurt me mentally and emotionally. Before the split, we also had an amazing sex life, told each other how much we loved each other and I thought both wanted to spend our lives together.
The day she decided she wanted to end the relationship was the day she decided to literally hate me with total distain. And I mean hate. In the beginning, I begged, pleaded and tried by any pathetic means to get her to change her mind. She would give me hope. Saying just enough to make me believe that if I jumped through every hoop, did what ever she wanted that she would consider reconciling with me. She went back and forth like this, because I let her, for months. One day, crying because she was so upset that I could have done this to her. The next, insulting me and telling me how horrible, selfish and manipulating I was. Pointing out every mistake I ever made through out the entire relationship. The following, she would tell me she still loved me but just couldn't forgive me. And it went on like that for what seemed like forever. All the time, putting my child in the middle by restricting my ability to see her whenever she felt it would hurt me.
I really thought that she must still love me deep down inside despite all the terrible things that she is doing to me. < feces >, I still loved her despite how bad she was treating me. I realize now that those thoughts were a bi product of my low self esteem created by her. I mean, how the hell can I let someone walk all over me and keep my child from me and still want to get back together? I had to wake up, and it was difficult.
I realize now that she is not the person I fell in love with and no amount of problems I may have caused by my issues with alcohol justify her actions. I had to come to the realization that people change, she changed. And what is the worst, I have to fight her for custody of my child and continue to have a relationship with her in some level, forever because of the child.