Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Mar 17, 2017 2:41 am

The new guy picks up the shovel on aisle 12!

Welcome OP and you are definitely in the right place.

You can do this as many before you have with the asssitance and strategy of these highly paid volunteers.

Strap in and as far as the recovery thing take what you like from either program. You are on the right track just don't fall of that wagon.

Well done getting on board and seeking help.

Keep getting SMART and keep coming back!
”No is a complete sentence” Unknown
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1302
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Rexg1979 » Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:37 am

Thanks everyone for the posts (even the ones I don't want to hear). It is a tough time; my world is shaken. Despite my addiction(s), I've always been a successful person, a vehemently independent person. I've always prided myself on NOT needing help. My personal life has always taken the brunt, but I've never really cared until this point and never wanted any of this to happen. I'm trying to move past self-resentment and guilt, but it's difficult. I'm riddled with self-doubt and depression for the first real time in my life. The harsh reality for me is: I need help with my addiction; I need help with going through this divorce. I'll read the forums and try to learn.

My question is: If she doesn't want anything (other than what she's already taken, which values over $10k), do I really need an attorney? We didn't own anything together. I consulted a lawyer and she said that no judge would award alimony because the marriage was so short.

Thanks.
Rexg1979
New
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:39 am

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:45 am

You do need an attorney to review the documents and make sure that everything is to form. This should cost you less than $1800. Keep in mind that you have a complex lawsuit involved here, and even with the willingness of the other party, it will impact the future.

I saw this thread and thought you might appreciate the easier situation you are in compared to others:
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=78693
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 25722
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby InTheRightFight » Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:30 pm

That thread is my story. After I read yours I had to comment. My relationship ended in one way or another due to the same thing. Although I was 8 months sober before my ex decided she wanted to leave me and cited my previous struggles and mistakes made because of my addiction as her reasons. In the end, the lies, relapses, DUI's , House Arrest, and everything that else that comes with it was enough for her to decide life would be better without me. I to consider myself to have a successful career never effected by my addiction and a child, also never effected, but the person I loved the most was lost because of it.

The only difference between our ex's at this point is that you have no contact with yours and mine is embattled in a custody dispute with me and has plenty of opportunity to remind me how much I destroyed her trust, love, and family. She is angry and constantly insults and degrades me when ever she can. The relationship ended several months ago but She won't stop hurting me at every opportunity and it includes using my child as a weapon to hurt me.

I had to come to accept that I did make mistakes but ultimately it is her choice not to forgive me and her feelings for me now, are her own and I can not control that. I have all the same emotions as you do and some days are better than others. I begged, pleading, bargained, and tried to guilt her into getting back together and that only made her push away more and recent me more.

The only way I can recover is to focus on myself and my child and to be a better version of myself. And if I ever hoped at one time that we would get back together one day, I know that it would only be possible if I was a person she wanted to be with and one that has truly changed.

It gets easier each day, and then it gets bad again. But when I am confident and show her a thick skin and commitment to becoming someone better for myself. She has little or no negative effect on me that day. So by accepting that this happened and it can't be changed and that I can control certain aspects of my life to make a positive impact. I am able to feel better knowing that this to shall pass.
InTheRightFight
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:25 pm

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Rexg1979 » Sat Mar 18, 2017 12:08 am

Thanks, intherightfight. I did read your post and do identify in many ways (although our circumstance are different). I have found myself avoiding what is inevitably coming...unable to accept it or even set up the means to receive the papers. I've just been so blindsided by the fact that somebody could be outwardly enjoying a relationship, making love, and telling you how my much she can't wait to see you, literally up until 45 minutes before you arrive home to find her and all her things gone...then to totally cut off all communication. It has rocked my world. And then I find out today that she has served a notice of divorce in the newspaper; I've lived in the same house for over 15 years; we've lived together 4 of those years. It's not like she couldn't locate me or I was hiding. I did not even know you could be served in the newspaper. And I still don't know what the implications of that are.

I feel the same as you...one day it seems like things are getting better and the next I get hit with something that brings me down. But I'm sober and working on myself the best I can. Thanks for your post.
Rexg1979
New
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:39 am

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby InTheRightFight » Sat Mar 18, 2017 2:43 am

I don't understand the logic behind using the newspapers other than her trying to deliberately hurt you. I only say this because me ex has become someone who goes out of her way to continually try to hurt me mentally and emotionally. Before the split, we also had an amazing sex life, told each other how much we loved each other and I thought both wanted to spend our lives together.

The day she decided she wanted to end the relationship was the day she decided to literally hate me with total distain. And I mean hate. In the beginning, I begged, pleaded and tried by any pathetic means to get her to change her mind. She would give me hope. Saying just enough to make me believe that if I jumped through every hoop, did what ever she wanted that she would consider reconciling with me. She went back and forth like this, because I let her, for months. One day, crying because she was so upset that I could have done this to her. The next, insulting me and telling me how horrible, selfish and manipulating I was. Pointing out every mistake I ever made through out the entire relationship. The following, she would tell me she still loved me but just couldn't forgive me. And it went on like that for what seemed like forever. All the time, putting my child in the middle by restricting my ability to see her whenever she felt it would hurt me.

I really thought that she must still love me deep down inside despite all the terrible things that she is doing to me. < feces >, I still loved her despite how bad she was treating me. I realize now that those thoughts were a bi product of my low self esteem created by her. I mean, how the hell can I let someone walk all over me and keep my child from me and still want to get back together? I had to wake up, and it was difficult.

I realize now that she is not the person I fell in love with and no amount of problems I may have caused by my issues with alcohol justify her actions. I had to come to the realization that people change, she changed. And what is the worst, I have to fight her for custody of my child and continue to have a relationship with her in some level, forever because of the child.
InTheRightFight
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:25 pm

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby ib536 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:42 am

Rexg1979 wrote:And then I find out today that she has served a notice of divorce in the newspaper; I've lived in the same house for over 15 years; we've lived together 4 of those years. It's not like she couldn't locate me or I was hiding. I did not even know you could be served in the newspaper. And I still don't know what the implications of that are.

I would not delay in getting those papers. Her lawyer has tried to get you served. She is using the newspaper to send notice of filing for divorce.

In TX, if a spouse can't be found or served, a notice in the newspaper will suffice as being served. If you don't respond, they will go to court without you, hold a hearing without you, and rule on the divorce without you. At that point, you will be divorced and will have had no say in any of the agreements. She could take everything away from you.
ib536
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:10 am

Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:24 pm

I would also check to see if your court system has an online family court section and see if anything has been filed.

It should also give you court dates or at least how long ago she files.

I'm of the feeling she is trying to get an uncontested divorce. The Newspaper ad is a last ditch effort to contact you prior to court date. Lets get hopping on this ASAP. If So you'll have to show up for court and request more time as you weren't aware of this going on and that you two have lived in the same house for 15 years.
Phoenix
User avatar
Phoenix853
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1422
Joined: Sun Mar 23, 2014 9:50 pm
Location: Arizona

Previous

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bruce Banner, Data and 8 guests

cron