Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

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Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Rexg1979 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:10 am

I was away on business (not a regular thing but a one time travel) in California. My wife and I talked/texted throughout the entire trip. In fact, early on in the trip, she had expressed how much she missed me and wished I was there. She was in contact with me via text up until I arrived at my car at the airport for the 45 minute drive home to PA. She even sent me a video of our dogs playing outback while I was driving home. When I arrived home, her car was gone. I walked inside to find all the furniture, bedroom suite, TV (everything really) gone. She left a note saying essentially that she would always love me but she couldn't work through my lying any more and that all contact should be directed to her attorney. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I immediately admitted myself into 30 day inpatient treatment. In the meantime, my wife filed for divorce within 7 days of leaving. Her lawyer has e-mailed twice to try and set up for me to receive the divorce papers; I have not responded.

She had cut off all contact with me and all contact from her family and friends (social media and everything). I have heard nothing from her in almost 2 months. I was never abusive or anything like that. In fact, we hardly ever fought. We were getting along very well, having great sex, laughing and enjoying each others company before I left. I did lie about my drug use (I had relapse that she found out before this) and had lied, in the past, about my drinking. But I just can't fathom why she would have zero contact with me whatsoever. I've written her two letters, but have received no response. I guess I'm just looking for any advice...on if/how to start moving on? Whether I should try to find out where she is? Contact her family? Should I continue to ignore her lawyer? She has filed for a consent and no-consent divorce. I guess I just need help/advice. Thanks!
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby afc » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:13 am

If you have no kids then this is pretty simple.

Do not contact her. Do not contact her family. Get the papers, get a lawyer.

She is done.

Next wife, don't lie. Lots of people can handle being with an addict but not the lying and other behaviors that go with it.

Your marriage is over. Just accept it.
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:37 am

Hello,

What was your drug of choice? It probably matters.
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Rexg1979 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:56 am

BartSimpson wrote:Hello,

What was your drug of choice? It probably matters.


Alcohol...I haven't had a drink since May 21, 2016. I had a drug relapse...adderall, prescriptions drugs. Been clean for almost 2 months.
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:21 pm

Time to prepare for divorce.

Retain and Attorney.
Get a separate bank and bank account.
Change all your passwords and account information she may have access too.
Get off social media

Prepare for the worst as she is 100 steps ahead of your and has been thinking about this for some time. she has prepared for this and has planned the day you left for out of town work to take action.

You may be reeling from the news, but it's going down with our without you. You have a steep learning curve and need a crash course in divorce. You STBX has been schooled and is driving the bus. It's you job now to learn as much as you can about the process as to not get taking for a ride on that bus. It would behoove you to read this forum, ask questions, and catch up as to not get steam rolled by your stbx and her attorney.
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:23 pm

Are you involved in a 12 step program?
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Rexg1979 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:35 pm

[quote="Phoenix853"]Time to prepare for divorce.

Retain and Attorney.
Get a separate bank and bank account.
Change all your passwords and account information she may have access too.
Get off social media

She already closed our bank account and took our money. She took all of our wedding gifts, the appraisals for the rings, and all the vet bills. The only thing she paid for was our cell phones, that she closed. I'm just absolutely dumb-founded that she could have pretended like this for whatever period of time. How long ago did she make this decision, etc. How long does it take for an attorney to file divorce papers typically?
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Rexg1979 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:35 pm

BartSimpson wrote:Are you involved in a 12 step program?


Yes I am...going to meetings just about every day and going to addiction counseling.
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby afc » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:36 pm

Wedding gifts?

How long were you married?
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Re: Wife left, filed, and has had no contact...

Unread postby Rexg1979 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:37 pm

afc wrote:Wedding gifts?

How long were you married?


A year and a half...together almost 8 years...living together for 4.
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