How can I not move out?

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How can I not move out?

Unread postby kayak4511 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:09 am

I'm in NJ...and been married for 25+ years..both kids in college...
We now realize that we have grown apart...been going on for quite a long time.
She wants someone "who loves her" and she realizes that I don't...and has led her to be in-secure.
I've told her a few months back that I want a divorce..
However we still sleep she is hoping..but as she says..I'm using her as a pacifier.
So if my indecision doesn't kill me do I go about packing and leaving?
I have no savings to speak friends or family to count on..
I'm truly alone if I leave the home.
Any recommendations would be great..
I've even stooped so low to think about sleeping on my office floor..
What a miserable life I could have....
I'm really in a touch spot...
However, I'm sure others have it much worse!
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:22 am

You will get the same advice from others but...

Do. Not. Move. Out.

I assume you own the home, yes?

If you want a divorce, and to move on with your life and find happiness (which is most definitely out there), then there is only one solution to your problem.

File for divorce.

Get the ball rolling and get it over with. I assume if you have children in college and you were married for 25 years then you are around 50 or older. There is a LOT of life to be lived and happiness ahead. Go find it.

File and tell her to move out. Or sell the house and split the assets. You seem to be wishy-washy and that alone will kill you in a divorce because divorce favors the bold and confident.

I have posted this on other threads but your indecision warrants me posting it here for you. This is my advice about making the divorce decision...

    Imagine you haven’t been feeling well for a long time. For years you’ve been dragging, feeling tired, and have aches and pains that started small but have worsened over time. You have a few days every once in a while where you feel better but overall you know something isn’t right.

    So you go to the doctor and he says “I can tell you exactly what’s wrong; you have cancer.”

    You’re surprised but he continues, “Now, you can keep living as you have been and you’ll probably survive another 15-20 years, but today is about as good as you’ll ever feel. In the end this cancer will kill you and it won’t be pretty - it’s a really unpleasant way to die. OR… you can go through surgery and chemo which will be a year of hell - you’ll throw up every day, feel like < feces >, and your hair will fall out. But the other side of that is that your hair will come back, you’ll be cancer free, and feel happy and healthy again, in fact - you may survive another 30-40 years feeling far better than you do today.”
It’s a tough choice but it’s your choice; continue your current path, or go through some tough times to get your life back and find happiness.

Good luck.
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby kayak4511 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:30 am

I'm 55
we own our home outright...have no debt.. we are lucky..and college savings are ok to cover remainder of college years
Can't see how I could live at home...and survive..
We aren't at the point of hating each other..but how can we live together?? and survive..
for me this seems so foreign/strange
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:34 am

Consider it a roommate you don't like and a lease you can't break.

People deal with it all the time, you can too.
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 10:54 am

file for divorce

Pick a room to live in until it's all over. It really isn't any different then now.

My guess is you don't talk to each other or very little. You don't hang out together. So really there isn't' any difference now and when you file. Pick a room to live in and file. Eazy peazy.

sac up and get it done. Split your assets down the middle the move on.

After, get a small home or apartment and do what you do.
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Mar 15, 2017 12:43 pm

Game plan first and foremost. Do not move out.

Maintain radio silence. You must never tip your hand.

Is she gainfully employed??

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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby kayak4511 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:00 pm

We talk to each other...we are friends with benefits if you will
No..she isn't working right laid off a few months back..she is looking for work however..
just don't know if I can live in the same house with someone under completely different terms that originally intended when we first got married..
Ok things haven't been great for several years...and after I aid I had enough at the end of last year..I should have filed then..but she made such overtures and came back to the bed and etc..
I think she realized I really meant I was cleaning my old stuff out in dec..
What are the cons to moving out?
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:31 pm

Do I smell cupcake?
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby astrolink » Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:25 pm

What are your respective yearly incomes? What is the value of your home? What is the value of your retirements?
“There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”
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Re: How can I not move out?

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:57 pm

Welcome OP!

Let me rephrase the question; Why should YOU move out?
"No." is a complete sentence.
Do not move out of your house.
What are you grateful for?
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