Listen to this forum

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Listen to this forum

Unread postby chuck123 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 1:48 am

I thought I had an amicable divorce. I made her feel "invisible", in that I overwhelmed her personality. There was nothing I could do to fix it. Fifteen years of marriage, and two kids and that's what I got. Five more years of groveling and being a total pu$$y, we get divorced. I did fine, I didn't get screwed on the deal. This week she sent a text to me, meant for her lover. Heavy stuff. "Love you....Soulmate....". She owned up to the fact that it was workplace attraction, five years ago. Friendship grew into love, but because of his "complicated" situation (being married?), it never got physical. So for all you other idiots out there, don't believe it for a second. These negative guys on this board are all on point. "They're all sisters"
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby JimRockford » Fri Mar 10, 2017 2:20 am

During the separation, I found a journal that she had been keeping for about a year, she still does not know that I have it. Of all 200 plus pages of this drivel, I found the following:

"I was driving up to school just now to get XXXX and it hit me like a brick. I love one, he is a good man and he has grown up and is doing everything he can and he gives us everything we need, monetarily and materially and he puts our best interests first, and I feel in love with the other."

I was in such shock when I read this, at that moment it made me realize that I was nothing more than a meal ticket. I guess the only solace here is that "the other" that she was in love with was actually playing her and this passage is what woke me up that everything was now over and she was not who I thought she was.

The saddest thing is that she threw away our son's intact family over this fantasy.
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby grandetaco » Fri Mar 10, 2017 10:59 am

chuck123 wrote:I thought I had an amicable divorce. I made her feel "invisible", in that I overwhelmed her personality. There was nothing I could do to fix it. Fifteen years of marriage, and two kids and that's what I got. Five more years of groveling and being a total pu$$y, we get divorced. I did fine, I didn't get screwed on the deal. This week she sent a text to me, meant for her lover. Heavy stuff. "Love you....Soulmate....". She owned up to the fact that it was workplace attraction, five years ago. Friendship grew into love, but because of his "complicated" situation (being married?), it never got physical. So for all you other idiots out there, don't believe it for a second. These negative guys on this board are all on point. "They're all sisters"


Count this idiot in too, even with all the obvious signs my inner reaction was "denial" and to keep things smooth for kiddos, but it was the kiddos who endured the worst.
It is near impossible for most women to speak the truth. Looking back I want to nominate myself biggest idiot award, but I see my fellow brothers are vying for it also, maybe a shared award ;-)
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby MegaDad » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:16 am

A very common theme on this forum is women tossing a grenade into their families in the name of their "happiness" (men are obviously capable of this as well, not singling the ladies out)

It is something I will never understand. I mean if there was legit abuse or something major like that I would get it, you can't stay with someone who does that to you. But to just nuke a stable home into the shitstorm that divorce can be....just because "content" apparently isn't enough....to me it is such a selfish decision.

So many times it seems the men never see it coming. I know I didn't. I mean I knew the butterflies and rainbows and unicorn farts weren't there anymore, but that is because I thought we had settled into being comfortable with each other. Apparently that feeling was only one sided. My ex and I never argued, fought, or hell, even TALKED about any problems. I found out a year and half too late that she kept it all bottled up because "she was trying to be the bigger person." She went to a convention for 3 days and when she came back it was like a switch had been flicked and all the emotion was gone.

And just like the stats say, the dude she left me for split it off in less than a year. Now she has a bankruptcy under her belt and had to move back in with her parents....2 years plus change later and she is still there.

When did "content" become "not enough"?
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:24 am

I was in such shock when I read this, at that moment it made me realize that I was nothing more than a meal ticket. I guess the only solace here is that "the other" that she was in love with was actually playing her and this passage is what woke me up that everything was now over and she was not who I thought she was.

The saddest thing is that she threw away our son's intact family over this fantasy.


Kinda like me when I discovered my X' hundreds of texts to one guy, then a torrent of FB to another, then her burner phone.

Although our son is by and large "functional", he never really got over this, four years later. He is 12 years old and she has been taking him to a psychologist, trying to get the doctor to fix the damage she has done to him. She does not understand there are things no shrink can fix - not at that age and not even much later.
Last edited by lionel2013 on Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:39 am

Looking back I want to nominate myself biggest idiot award, but I see my fellow brothers are vying for it also, maybe a shared award ;-)


Oh, most definitely a shared award. I did not see it coming for months and months, and then after she started discussing divorce I wasted four more months trying to convince her otherwise. But the reality is when you are in that position you cannot get yourself to just give up, you just feel like you have to try. At least I did, and I don't think that can be avoided for most of us, even though after the fact we realize we were idiots.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:45 am

And just like the stats say, the dude she left me for split it off in less than a year.


My X' fairy tale story lasted longer, - two years, - but it ended the exact same way. He never was who she wanted him to be, she just tried to will him into that person, and after two years he had had enough.

Now she has another year and a half of alimony left on the clock after which she will be on her own, because she won't be able to survive just on CS.

So, as you can see, really nothing, absolutely nothing new under the son. It's all a wide-spread "disease".
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:53 am

MegaDad wrote:She went to a convention for 3 days and when she came back it was like a switch had been flicked and all the emotion was gone.

It wasn't a switch that got flicked, it was a little man in a pink canoe.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby JimRockford » Fri Mar 10, 2017 12:57 pm

A few weeks ago I was on a plane and was looking for a movie to watch and saw that "The Bridges of Madison County." was one of the selections available. I knew nothing about this movie other than that it was a big hit in the 90s and knew that Clint Eastwood was in it and being unable to Google at 30K feet, I thought it would be a good bet.

Spoiler Alert for those who have not seen it:
Woman is in long term marriage with good man, man takes off with kids to an event for the weekend, while they are gone interesting mysterious man comes along, woman bonks new man and almost takes off with him. She keeps this secret for the rest of her life, upon her death her two children now grown read through her journal and at first shocked, angry then sympathetic and understand it. Her daughter then tells her husband that she does not know when she is coming home and her son realizes that he needs to better satisfy and interest his wife before it's too late and she "justifiably" does what his mom did to his dad.

After watching it I thought what a crock of crap, then I realized that in my case and obviously many others, I have in a way lived this movie. I guess the only difference is that her husband died without knowing anything about the affair, as the woman in the movie stayed with her husband and never told him. Given the choice, I would rather know and be able to make my own decision on what to do as I did.

So now, whenever I hear about a similar situation, my response will be, "So your wife went all Bridges of Madison County on you?" Welcome to the club.
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
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Re: Listen to this forum

Unread postby MegaDad » Fri Mar 10, 2017 1:25 pm

Trevor wrote:
MegaDad wrote:She went to a convention for 3 days and when she came back it was like a switch had been flicked and all the emotion was gone.

It wasn't a switch that got flicked, it was a little man in a pink canoe.



Bwahahahaha! Yup, almost certainly.
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