Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

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Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby Rssooner » Sun Mar 05, 2017 12:40 pm

Hello everyone

Getting to the end of settling without mediation. It will be 50/50 custody, I will most likely be paying spousal support of around $40k over 3 years, doing 60/40 split on equity in home, 25% of retirement and 50/50 on cash accounts going to her. Her attorney spoke to my attorney about me paying all of S8 expenses (with exception of food when he stays with her) in exchange for no child support.

Child support would be around $1300-1400/month. What's interesting to me is that if we were together still happily married I would be paying for all of his expenses anyway. Since stbx just started working full time the increase in expenses for summer camps, etc will definitely be more than when she wasn't working and was at home.

Has anyone heard of doing it this way?? Do you think I should consider it if it could be arranged that I make the decisions on where, when, why and how things are decided on since I would be paying for everything??

Thanks in advance for your input.

RS
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Mar 05, 2017 12:48 pm

No, it's a blank check and a huge source of future conflict.
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sun Mar 05, 2017 2:49 pm

Rssooner wrote:Her attorney spoke to my attorney about me paying all of S8 expenses (with exception of food when he stays with her) in exchange for no child support.
Big red flag!!

Rssooner wrote:Has anyone heard of doing it this way??
Yes!!.....and it spells disaster.

Once the order is written, terms and conditions of your decree are locked in. The lone exception is child support. She can come back post-divorce and get that, you know. She won't even hafta go to court.

All it takes is one phone call to Support Enforcement. They'll handle everything administratively - wage garnishment, the whole thing. Didn't your attorney tell you that??

Bottom line: In a situation like this, a child support order actually protects you. Be sure to pay child support thru Support Enforcement. Believe it or not, that protects you too. NJ can't come back years later and claim you never paid. And in case you didn't know, ex wives are known for doing that.

Tom
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby grandetaco » Sun Mar 05, 2017 4:54 pm

Let me tell you a story about nocsbee, a single mother.
nocsbee gets a monthly check from the trust D17.5's grand parents setup instead of the dad paying CS every month, back when D17.5 was 5 years old. Now that D is going to turn 18, that check is going to stop soon, so
nocsbee went to court to get CS and all back CS claiming the dad never paid any CS. The agreement and the divorce was in a different state, so nocsbee tried to a pull a fast one.

Any amount you agree on should be put in court paper work and filed as your CS amount and why you are deviating from formula.
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby Chasbo » Sun Mar 05, 2017 7:12 pm

You need the ex to pay a share of expenses or else there will be no end of them potentially.

You need to limit your downside. 12 weeks of summer camp is about 15k for example.
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby massdaddio » Sun Mar 05, 2017 9:36 pm

Who would decide what your son's expenses are?

- Your ex buys him $300 sneakers instead of $50 sneakers, you have to pay for them?
- Your ex finishes working at 4pm, but keeps kid in daycare until 6pm and you have to pay for it.
- Is some of Mom's rent included in son's expenses?

Unless you can specifically define every expense (limit of $1k/year for clothes, $2k for music lessons, etc), no way you want to end up in an open-ended agreement.
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby lionel2013 » Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:50 am

Her attorney spoke to my attorney about me paying all of S8 expenses (with exception of food when he stays with her) in exchange for no child support.


To pile up on what the others have said, just in case you weren't sure: very bad idea, since there are no limits to what she could ask for. As for that in exchange for CS, not sure if it would hold up in court if she were to change her mind after the divorce is final, even though both of you will have signed an agreement.
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby Minerva » Thu Mar 09, 2017 10:24 am

Is your attorney saying to go for it? If so get a new attorney because this is the oldest trick in the book.

For starters, think about it, why would the mother give up a steady, tax-free income every month?

It's because she can go back to court 2 years later and get the full amount of support AND you're still on the hook for expenses.

And actually, if you don't put support in the order at all (like $0 child support), they can come back to you for back support, because it goes to the first order of support. Which is why you should always put in the minimum even if you agree to no child support (most states it's $25-$50 a month).

If for some reason you've married a unicorn who wants to do what's fair and right (slim chance), then put in for minimum support allowed in your state, cap the expenses at a certain amount each month, and say that in the future if child support is ordered, the cap on expenses will be the difference between the two (so if you cap at $1000 of expenses with $50 of CS, and CS goes to $800 later, then your new expense cap is $200).
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Mar 09, 2017 12:42 pm

Minerva - I agree with what you're saying. But you don't go far enough.

Minerva wrote:.....if you don't put support in the order at all (like $0 child support), they can come back to you for back support, because it goes to the first order of support. Which is why you should always put in the minimum even if you agree to no child support (most states it's $25-$50 a month).
1) A decree with no CS order would leave the door open for potential post-divorce arrearage. Because when NJ petitions the court for CS after divorce is finalized, it will be the first order for CS. And that first order could occur the day after divorce is finalized, or it could occur 10 yrs hence - at which time (depending upon his income at that time) OP could be on the hook for hefty arrearage.

2) An order for State minimum CS would prevent such arrearage. But CS could still be modified post-divorce.

3) Whether OP chooses option #1 or option #2, all other terms of his decree would remain unchanged. In this case, those terms would be S8's expenses (aka, CS deviations) that OP agreed to pay at the time divorce was finalized.

Remember, S8 is only 8 yrs old, and those expenses will increase significantly as he gets older.

In this case, OP's best scenario is to lock in CS per state calculator and agree to no CS deviation and no college expenses. Granted, OP can always pony up for those extras, but ideally, there should be no mention of this in his decree.

Tom
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Re: Pay for S8 expensive for no child support

Unread postby Rssooner » Sun Mar 12, 2017 4:16 pm

Thank you all for your feedback. My attorney is not recommending this. He thinks CS is much cleaner and eliminates potentinal conflict, etc. I was not sold on the expenses vs. CS idea. For some reason STBX thought that is what I wanted.

It is just very hard for me to accept that STBX will be taking in so much money and my S8 does not cost $1300/month (which is what I could be paying). Can you negotiate CS or do you hae to pay the state formula amount? Maybe I would agree to pay for x, y and z only for say $750/month versus $1300.

Thanks again for the replies.

RS
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