New, have no idea how to start this....

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New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby Electrical Guy » Tue Jan 10, 2017 10:19 am

Here goes:

Married 25 years. Caught wife cheating with co-worker last year. She immediately ended it and put herself thru intense therapy. Lots of FOO issues. I personally worked hard on MY OWN issues. Months and months of IC, MC. Months pass, we are slowly recovering. Things seem ok, but I still have issues with her and OM working together. Wife gets decent promotion at work now, but as time goes on, I'm growing uncomfortable with them still working together, even tho W assures me nothing is going on. I have total transparency to her work emails, phone, etc.

Long story short, even with my own IC and MC, I've lost trust. I can't work through it. I've tried EMDR, I've tried hypnosis, I gave it a full year. Nothing is helping. Spent literally $6k in all that therapy. Even if she quit, the trust is gone. Our last MC, she said she can't live under a microscope any longer (I have snooping issues). She wants to separate now, can't take my constant lack of trust.

I'm ok with all this. We tried.

So here's the questions:

1. Two children live with us - ages 26 and 16. The 26 is an adult, so it doesn't matter. The 16 does NOT want anything to do with mom. She states she wants to live with me. Can she, or is that something the court needs to decide?

2. We have a house with about 60k in equity. I want it, my income can support it. My wife's income is maybe 20k a year. She obviously cannot afford it.

3. We have about 40k in outstanding loans and CC debt. CC's are not joint, they are individual names, but I'm assuming its still considered community debt.

Some minor 401k stuff, not big. Otherwise, no other assets. Oh yeah, a car that in both our names. She wants it.

State is Pennsylvania.

What are my options? I want the house. I don't wanna sell it.

2x4's welcome.
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Jan 10, 2017 10:23 am

Hello,

How does a decent promotion at work translate into $10/hr? What is your wife's income?
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby Electrical Guy » Tue Jan 10, 2017 10:40 am

BartSimpson wrote:Hello,

How does a decent promotion at work translate into $10/hr? What is your wife's income?


Well, not exactly a money promotion. More responsibility type promotion with limited $$ increase, but the promise is huge potential cash flow.

Sorry I'm being vague.
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Jan 10, 2017 10:55 am

How do you intend to foster the relationship between the 16 year old and the mother, so as to not allow this immaturity to impact their adult-child and parent relationship?
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby Electrical Guy » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:04 am

BartSimpson wrote:How do you intend to foster the relationship between the 16 year old and the mother, so as to not allow this immaturity to impact their adult-child and parent relationship?


I don't know yet. Perhaps therapy is indicated.

Otherwise, what are my options concerning the house and debt? I'm consulting a lawyer now, but any other advise would be appreciated.
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:09 am

Your assets are as simple as dividing by two. If you have the ability to finance the home, pay off your share of debt, and make the mother whole on the day the divorce is final, you're good.

However, I don't see you having that luxury. My math says that after you're done paying legal fees to enforce some child's choice, you will be more than broke. Hence my question - you're the parent, therapy is not the answer to everything, your child needs to have a meaningful relationship with both parents - your biggest job right now, to preserve your wealth, is to rein in your recalcitrant child.

What sort of parenting plan would you offer - how often will the child see the mother?
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby Electrical Guy » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:18 am

BartSimpson wrote:Your assets are as simple as dividing by two. If you have the ability to finance the home, pay off your share of debt, and make the mother whole on the day the divorce is final, you're good.

However, I don't see you having that luxury. My math says that after you're done paying legal fees to enforce some child's choice, you will be more than broke. Hence my question - you're the parent, therapy is not the answer to everything, your child needs to have a meaningful relationship with both parents - your biggest job right now, to preserve your wealth, is to rein in your recalcitrant child.

What sort of parenting plan would you offer - how often will the child see the mother?


Good questions I do not have answer for. I would hope we would be able to come to some kind of custody agreement. I would have to discuss this with our child and wife. I'm sure we would be able to work something out until child turns 18.
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby Electrical Guy » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:19 am

So any loans or credit cards, even though in separate names, are considered community debt?
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:29 am

Yes.

Divide all the assets and the debt by two. My back of the napkin calculations say you're broke - $30k in assets, $20k in debt and half a car. That $10k left over will pay $5k in legal fees for a civil divorce with custody. You've got $5k for your down payment. Oh, then there's alimony and child support.

Looks like you're selling the home to me. What am I missing?
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Re: New, have no idea how to start this....

Unread postby Electrical Guy » Tue Jan 10, 2017 11:34 am

BartSimpson wrote:Yes.

Divide all the assets and the debt by two. My back of the napkin calculations says you're broke - $30k in assets, $20k in debt and half a car. That $10k left over will pay $5k in legal fees for a civil divorce with custody. You've got $5k for your down payment. Oh, then there's alimony and child support.

Looks like you're selling the home to me. What am I missing?


Bummer. Well, the remaining balance on the house is 110k. Something I could easily afford on my own, if I didn't have those nasty alimony and child support payments.

However, if child lives with me, do I have to pay child support?
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