MA - Strategy and feedback

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MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:52 pm

We have been at the Divorce station for quite some time, I am finally going to pull the trigger but want to run some thoughts by the group.

Multiple children - aged 8 through 2.

Married 8 years, STBX works part time 20-30 hours a week. I work from home and pay all marital bills. Wife contributes nothing, receives nothing in terms of financial amount (food/water/shelter yes). I work from home. She works 3-5 days a week, typically weekends and holidays (restaurant biz.) I am looking to be primary parent. I have recently found out that STBX is cheating. My original plan was to file in July time frame with 12+ months of status quo of primary parent, supportive of their relationship with their mother and have my schedule completely mapped to the children's needs.

What kind of proof would be needed to prove adultery? Is the only purpose to account for that in funds that should be credited as part of spousal support as the income gap will be a factor. Her earning around $20K, roughly $90K over her rolling average at date of file. Any suggestion in case law to check up on from MA alums?

Game plan- Primary custody, in marital home, school address parent, Physical custody, 60/40 ish, 2 children will be in compulsory school, the other seems to enjoy going to public baby siting for hire. What is typical for that scenario? Only one child needing to stay at home or be handled by a 3rd party (not that it matters, but have family local she doesn't). My work schedule allows me the ability to be with my children all day if needed.

Any suggestions on leveraging infidelity to obtain custody goals? Any reason not to lower spousal support? My thoughts were to offer a somewhat honey deal up front if agreed upon (status quo 12+months) and a buy out lump sum, if no, radio silence and bunker down for court.

Not worried about money, going to have the recorder, batteries, well documented journal and lawyer briefed when I intend to file, but I will be honest, happy to have a relationship with their mother be positive as it has started to become, but see no reason to not try and win this business transaction while still being professional and clear about it. If we go to court, I will except the outcome, however the quicker we can move to a positive position as parents, the better for me, just now counting down the days.
Last edited by massdad1234 on Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:35 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:15 pm

Hello,
TB12 wrote:build a case on her laziness to never try and seriously reenter the work force, even after documented efforts by her spouse at the time (part of game plan), trying to get her to rejoin her former industry to work more stable hours, higher income and more time with kids. Is this realistic?
No. It's silly.

What State do you reside in?
Why are you primary? Why are you not interested in 50/50?
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:36 pm

Massachusetts

She isn't a very good parent and I don't honestly believe she wants 50/50.

I'm not too concerned with the spousal support, my only focus is on custody. She is currently working and has no problems working 5+ days a week typically leaving for work around 4PM and getting off work long after the kids are all asleep. I also do morning routine. 50/50 isn't reflective of status quo in my opinion and plan to use journal to highlight the data point.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Aug 18, 2016 10:16 pm

TB12 wrote:I'm not too concerned with the spousal support.....
In Massachusetts you should be.

Make her get a job. She needs to become fully self-supporting.

BTW - Massachusetts is tough on fathers. You'd best have a well-orchestrated game plan B-4 you file.

Tom
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 10:30 pm

RE: Spousal support - what I should have said is my only focus is the children and custody. I'll deal spousal when the time comes but it is what it is. My kids are top priority.

She currently has a job and works 4-5 days a week sometimes 30 hours.

The game plan is to show I have the support system in place - family within close proximity, a good routine, job flexibility to allow for appointments and that I'm already doing all of that already (and have been for the most part) and the economic means to provide status quo for the children. I have and continue to do the heavy lifting and love every second of it. She will essentially living in the marital home, but it looks like she has already moved to the guest bedroom. I'm hoping to file within the next 2-3 months in hopes of putting down more data points on routine plus the kids will be starting school soon.

I have taken over roles she traditionally did, and no longer give her any money due to taking over those roles that required such. She now has her own money which is deposited into a joint account. My pay is in a separate single account that she doesn't have access too. I'm in the process of getting a new bank for the processes.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:43 am

The only problem that I see is you "seem" to be focused on her not being a good parent, it "seems" that that is the crux of your position.

That is not the position you want to take.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 9:16 am

No, I can only control what I can control. My plan is to focus on me being the best parent I can be and the best situation for the children. I can't nor DGAF what STBX does, however part of the reason for the pending divorce is our complete disagreement on child rearing. I don't plan to focus on her weaknesses, I plan to focus on my what I bring to the table as dad. I'm planning for the worst, hoping for the best. Regardless, there needs to be a change in the current situation, hence divorce as it is unhealthy for the children.

Question for the group
- When you say document in your journal, Are you recording times along with dates?
- Do you record information about STBX that might help tell the story? Example, by recording I do 95% of the morning/evening routine, i'm also inversely recording her lack of?
- Any heartburn around the pre-paid legal benefit?
- STBX has gone back to work as of early part of this year, should I wait until 6 months of their work schedule to file or is that too risky and I should file once I have all my affairs in order?
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Aug 19, 2016 11:11 am

Have you read The List?? Are you building a list of your own?? Are you keeping a well-written journal and parenting time tracker?? Do you have a dedicated digital recorder up and running any time you're around her?? It'll be your only defense against phony DV charges.

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13374

Maintain radio silence. You must never tip your hand.

Do not move out of your house. It'll be the biggest mistake you could make.

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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 4:18 pm

read the list? yes
Building one? yes
Keeping journal? Yes, see questions above
Recorder? Ordered, waiting for pickup
I am staying in the house in the master suite.

Would like to hear your feedback on the questions outlined above.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback

Unread postby knowbuddycares » Sat Aug 20, 2016 12:19 pm

TB12 wrote: Question for the group
- When you say document in your journal, Are you recording times along with dates?
- Do you record information about STBX that might help tell the story? Example, by recording I do 95% of the morning/evening routine, i'm also inversely recording her lack of?
- Any heartburn around the pre-paid legal benefit?
- STBX has gone back to work as of early part of this year, should I wait until 6 months of their work schedule to file or is that too risky and I should file once I have all my affairs in order?


When I did mine, I did just the date. if I needed specific due to an occurrence with the Ex, I would have the time listed and this way I could match to recorder if I had to.

I recorded everything, but my goal was not to sling mud in front of the judge.

Pre-paid legal? No idea, but good for you that you have that option.

6 months of their work schedule, what is the risk you are saying? If you have everything in order, you can file. But I doubt that waiting hurts either. Depends on what the motive for the 6 months schedule is.
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