Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby JustAboutOver » Thu Dec 29, 2016 3:00 am

While I can technically afford a legal battle, why continue to through money out the door? Never expected a short divorce to cost north of 40k. If I knew before marriage that a divorce would cost double or triple our marriage, I would had ran away. This is just crazy. It's not the assets, it the damn legal fees which are killing me. Just because I have money in the market from my sale of my business, why should I have to sell stocks and bonds on something where she's just running up my legal bill. If I tell the attorney to file for Judicial relief, I do not want to go through discovery and other motions. I can only imagine what the costs will be. I am tempted to just get up and move to Monaco.

Is she a gold digger? No. She's an angry woman who is trying to hurt me financially. She's succeeding. He's not that old. He's about 50. His reviews on Martindale and Avvo are very good. Start all over with another attorney. Geez..
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Dec 29, 2016 6:58 am

If I knew before marriage that a divorce would cost double or triple our marriage, I would had ran away.


I doubt it. The information was there. Its always been there. The gripes about marriage and divorce are as old as the institutions themselves.

I am tempted to just get up and move to Monaco.


I triple dog dare you.

(Sorry, Christmas Story is still fresh on the mind)
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Thu Dec 29, 2016 9:34 am

JustAboutOver,

I am joining a few of my board brothers here in either giving you a reality smack or calling BS.

Facts:
- You say you're worth 2-5mm that is (mostly? all?) separate property.
- You had the wherewithal to protect your assets in a trust because your wife wouldn't sign a prenup.
- You say you can't find, or don't know where to find a good lawyer.
- You also complain that the 12k your atty requested as an initial retainer was too high and that 40k in legal fees is excessive.
- You say your wife agreed to the stipulated judgement and her lawyers acknowledge that, but she simply won't sign it.

Something doesn't add up. Anyone who had the brains and balls to earn 5mm should be able to solve these problems. Here's my .02¢

- Stop nickel and diming legal fees. Are you SERIOUSLY complaining about spending 40k to protect 5mm? I have already spent 70k to protect 400k. There are guys on this board who would give their left arm to be in your shoes. Wake up man.
- Find a new lawyer. Again, if you earned all that money then you have the brains and resources to find a new lawyer. They're like cockroaches, they're everywhere and there's millions of them.
- Sit down with your lawyer and say "I need a strategy for getting her to sign the stipulated judgement that (according to you) she has agreed to. Find out exactly what the delay is and report back to me immediately. If she doesn't sign by X date, send a letter stating that I am taking her refusal to sign the agreement as a rejection of it, so we must settle the matter at trial and then cut off all communication."

Bottom line; rip the band aid off as fast as possible, as you have been told many times here. Maybe it's more painful to you that the legal fees are higher than you wanted than it is you are getting divorced. Who cares? Your marriage is clearly over and you will barely feel the financial impact of this. Focus on the future. Get this over with as fast as possible and move forward to find happiness again. I promise you, it's there and you can find it with the right attitude.
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby JustAboutOver » Thu Dec 29, 2016 12:24 pm

All assets were made prior to marriage. I essentially left those assets alone and just earned an income never touching a penny. I complained about the legal fees as I know people who are millionaires and they both just signed the damn paper for $400.00. Having to pay more than 100 times that amount is just insane.

Yea, I know, you are right. I just don't want to nail her to the wall and file so many motions it will make her head spin. Just about everyone has told me to do this. I was just trying to avoid going down that route. It was an option at the beginning, and the atty stated to her atty that is what I will do, and that got things moving again. I know, stupidly, I thought we could settle this amicably.
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby afc » Thu Dec 29, 2016 12:30 pm

The only way for you to have done it amicably was to get her 1 to 2 million. Surprised your lawyer didnt tell you that
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby Poor4Four » Thu Dec 29, 2016 1:21 pm

I understand what you waived and gave up, but what was she supposedly giving up. Help us understand what the marital assets are that were accumulated during the marriage. You mention the wedding cash... how big is that number? You owned the home you lived in, but how much equity was built in those years you were together? She got the China, but ow much did you set aside in retirement while married?

One strategy would be that the offer is off the table if she does not sign by a certain date, but it doesn't sound like she is getting much or giving up much or stands to lose much more if you threaten Court. On the other hand, if she senses you are desperate to get this signed, she herself may start asking for all sorts of stuff during a second round of negotiations.
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby JustAboutOver » Thu Dec 29, 2016 1:44 pm

She's not giving up anything. She moved into my place, left in early 2016 voluntarily. There are no marital assets. I took a regular income for two years at a job. Since I was paying everything, she had little in the way of expenses. She does have a 403b (20k) and a Pension (vested 4k per month). I have a 401k (Maybe 65k). She took the cash, 5k+, I took the checks and paid off the wedding expenses. She took all wedding gifts, another few grand easy. I also paid her medical premiums of approx. 9k for the year.

We never had any joint assets, checking accounts, credit cards, etc. She refused.
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby Poor4Four » Thu Dec 29, 2016 2:27 pm

Do you have any idea how much cash she saved up those years she was banking her money since she lived virtually for free while she collected a larger income than you? All of those lovely things come out when you file and begin discovery.
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby JustAboutOver » Thu Dec 29, 2016 4:06 pm

Savings? Not much. I had access to all her accounts. She spent it as fast as she earned it. It was under my guidance and assistance that she enrolled in the 403b. She doesn't invest in a Roth IRA either. I took over her investments and eked out a 30+ plus gain for her. She texted me out of the blue today and said she signed the papers today (I didn't reply). How weird is that. However, no Judge will sign til next week or week after.

Bitter sweet I guess.
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Re: Marriage fell apart, it seems divorce is the only answer

Unread postby Poor4Four » Thu Dec 29, 2016 6:04 pm

Well, I am very sorry but happy that her disasisfaction revealed itself before babies. You may not yet appreciate how very fortunate you are to have a failed marriage before you become forever chained to the wrong person. I wish you the best.
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