Advice needed

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Advice needed

Postby cowboy » Fri Mar 08, 2013 2:00 am

So far I'm in the middle of the divorce. A little background: I have been married 8 years, and the stbx only worked occasionally and never really held a job very long so I was forced to work to provide while she sat at home. We have 3 chioldren boys are are 7 and 2 and a girl 3. I moved out due to the stbx was getting physlical with me in hopes I'd retaliate and strike back. I tried moving into my camper in the back yard but she would come out and keep me awake until time to go to work then while I was working she'd sleep so naturally this wouldn't work because I can't go to work without any sleep. I left and moved my camper in hopes of being able to work things out and move back but after a few weeks of nothing changeing I filed for divorce. We had a PDL hearing 2 months later where the judge had the lawyers work out a < parenting time > agreement since she had been keeping the kids from me, and a child support since she was now receiving welfare because I only paid the necessary utilities and she had to have money so she wouldn't lose her cable and internet. The PDL didn't go as planned, I was informed that since I lived in my camper it wasn't big enough for three kids, I argued this with the fact that it is 35 foot long and sleeps 12 people. Then was told well it isn't tied down so it's not safe to live in. I was ordered to get the normal every other weekend < parenting time > but had to keep the children at my family members home at night. The CS was a joke because she somehow had her welfare reduced the month of court and showed less income than she had been receiving and it's based off gross pay (welfare is 100% tax free). Now I live on half my normal salary and she has well over minimum wage a month. I was told to get custody I needed to provide a suitable place for the children so I got a house by selling everything I owned except my vehicle. Then the kicker came in of being told that the PDL ruling can't be changed until court so the children can't stay in the house. We were set to see a AD LITEM and she has a huge problem with the fact that I work swing shifts. Currently I have family that can stay at my house every day I am at work but apparently this is not good enough because the stbx refuses to work she is better suited at being at home with the children at all times. I can't seem to figure out how to prove that I can take care of my children and continue to keep working the shifts I work. I'm not against a joint custody if it wasn't for the fact that the children are mentally abused by the stbx and she has proven she can't even get the oldest to school on time. I took my job because I had to provide for her being lazy and the children and now if I quit my job with the CS and bills I have from the house I'll lose my house and vehicle before I can get the CS amended. I'm wondering if anyone has an idea of how to prove I can take care of my children and still work my current job. The schedule is one week days, one week evenings, and one week nights off every weekend. Is this a worthless cause to keep fighting custody even though I am better for the children but she's a deadbeat and seems to be in the better position. I offered to take custody and leave her the marital house with everything in it and her vehicle but her response was no I want the money so I don't have to work and the only way to get that is to be the custodial parent.I have a lot of proof on unfit if they will hear it all.
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Re: Advice needed

Postby chris » Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:00 am

Buddy, try breaking this up into paragraphs - you'll get much more responses that way.

I made it about 1/3 of the way through, but that was enough to see that you're definitely dealing with a nut job. If you're not doing so already, make sure you start journaling all her craziness, as well as you being a great dad to your kids. Also, it is imperative that you have a digital recorder, on your person, running 24x7. You don't need to actually touch her for her to file a DV claim.

You’ve come to the right place, keep checking back and we’ll get you on the right track.
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Re: Advice needed

Postby Fatheroffour » Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:13 am

I got far enough to say....moving out is a big mistake.

You should carefully review the links in my signature.....and use paragraphs. When you read this stuff all day giant blocks of text it a challenge.
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Re: Advice needed

Postby hoosier_dad » Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:38 am

cowboy wrote:I'm not against a joint custody if it wasn't for the fact that the children are mentally abused by the stbx and she has proven she can't even get the oldest to school on time.

cowboy wrote:I have a lot of proof on unfit if they will hear it all.


Voluntarily moving out and leaving your children in the care of your STBX counters the accusations you make above. If you deemed your STBX fit to care for your children when you moved out then a judge usually isn't going to take these accusations seriously.

The better strategy is showing your positives as Dad.


cowboy wrote:if I quit my job with the CS and bills I have from the house I'll lose my house and vehicle before I can get the CS amended.


In the scenario you describe your CS will most likely remain at the same level even if you are unemployed since you voluntarily quit your job.
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Re: Advice needed

Postby cowboy » Fri Mar 08, 2013 5:18 pm

Well moving back in is not an option the pdl says she remains in home and I stay at camper. I am keeping a journal also neighbor and mom (keeping kids 90% of time) keep one. There's a lot on the recorder but the physical was only with me and in front of kids so they only have emotional abuse which started after I served her. I'm currently working on the proving of good dad, only issues I have are lies told to school teacher, and kids doctor that I was abusive. Those should come out during questions of recovery phase whenever she answers them. The first set we received them 3 days before she got contempt charges.
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