Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

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Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby malcontent » Mon May 28, 2012 3:48 am

So I'm not sure how to feel about this and could use some thoughts from the other dads here.

Last night my wife was baking some apple thing for herself when I took the dog for a walk. When I got back, she asked if I wanted to watch TV or something, so I said I was tired and planned on going to bed.

She started her usual song and dance of getting angry, so I let her have her show, until she hit me with the fridge door.

Now, I'm not physically scared of her, and this didn't really hurt, but damn if it doesn't tear me up inside.

She's never gone so far as to hit me with something before.

So at this point I'm worried it could escalate further one day and I'm not sure what to do. I want to stick out a couple more years so my son is old enough for me to get primary custody, but after this, I don't know where I stand. Not sure if I just want out or what...

I'm just very confused at this point and feel that even though it wasn't painful, it was clearly an act of aggression.

Thanks kn advance for your help. I really, really appreciate it.
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby malcontent » Mon May 28, 2012 3:48 am

Sorry for any misspellings, writing all this from my phone...
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby defaultuser » Mon May 28, 2012 5:05 am

It's technically domestic violence, but not a huge deal. Document it and move on.

Read the List. Get a plan for what you will do next time. If you want primary, having a couple arrests on her for domestic violence will help a lot.
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby malcontent » Mon May 28, 2012 6:49 am

defaultuser wrote:It's technically domestic violence, but not a huge deal. Document it and move on.

Read the List. Get a plan for what you will do next time. If you want primary, having a couple arrests on her for domestic violence will help a lot.


Thanks.

Read and re-read the list and have been journalong my butt off the last few weeks. :)

Good idea on the plan too. Never thought it's go that far. Hopefully it won't ever again.
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby dobradavid » Mon May 28, 2012 7:06 am

Yes, it will...she is testing her boundaries...

malcontent wrote:
defaultuser wrote:It's technically domestic violence, but not a huge deal. Document it and move on.

Read the List. Get a plan for what you will do next time. If you want primary, having a couple arrests on her for domestic violence will help a lot.


Thanks.

Read and re-read the list and have been journalong my butt off the last few weeks. :)

Good idea on the plan too. Never thought it's go that far. Hopefully it won't ever again.
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby malcontent » Mon May 28, 2012 7:40 am

dobradavid wrote:Yes, it will...she is testing her boundaries...

malcontent wrote:
defaultuser wrote:It's technically domestic violence, but not a huge deal. Document it and move on.

Read the List. Get a plan for what you will do next time. If you want primary, having a couple arrests on her for domestic violence will help a lot.


Thanks.

Read and re-read the list and have been journalong my butt off the last few weeks. :)

Good idea on the plan too. Never thought it's go that far. Hopefully it won't ever again.


What are your recommendations when it does? Just call the cops and let them deal with it?
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby dobradavid » Mon May 28, 2012 7:52 am

Document it and wait for the next incident.

If there were any marks or bruises - see a doctor.

malcontent wrote:
dobradavid wrote:Yes, it will...she is testing her boundaries...

What are your recommendations when it does? Just call the cops and let them deal with it?
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby nighthawk » Mon May 28, 2012 9:39 am

If it were me, just my thoughts, I would try to involve a third party into this, if you think it may be her testing the waters. Maybe a pastor, or someone you both trust. Hopefully, if you come into it as a concerned loving spouse, concerned about her and the relationship, she will admit to doing this, and you will gain a witness. Then it's evidence.
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby defaultuser » Mon May 28, 2012 11:59 am

Next time, walk into another room, lock the door and call 911. Tell them your wife is really angry and she just hit you and you need the cops there ASAP.

Don't tell your wife you called the cops. When they come, they will separate you and get your version, then her version and compare. She will most likely admit to hitting you. Stick to the facts.

They will likely try and talk you out of arresting her. Say something like: "I don't want to be left alone with her. I want to press charges. When you leave, she's going to get worse."
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Re: Does this constitute domestic violence, if so, what now?

Postby demurrer » Mon May 28, 2012 5:43 pm

[depends on your jurisdiction and current divorce status]

It's really important you call 911 to get it documented when it happens.

If you wait you can still file a police report but asking for an arrest warrant would have two (or more) outcomes:
a) no court order in place and the arrest warrant might be issued or
b) with a court order it's up to you/your attorney to motion the court to summon stbx for a chit chat with the judge overseeing your case.

On the flip side if she were on the receiving end of DV: It's very likely she wouldn't hesitate to call 911 on you and the boys in blue wouldn't hesitate to hog tie and taser you when they arrive to save her.

Advice: keep a voice recorder in your pocket and start recording these memories.
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