My stbx and I both both decided that divorce was in the best interest for us and our family. We were constantly fighting each other, silent treaments and our attitudes with one another was spilling over into our relationships with our children.
We both decided that yes we needed to move on. Since our initial discussion, we've actually gotten along alot better. We've had the occasional fight, but we want what is best for the kids and we cool it quickly.
We both came from divorced families. Hers was very violent and caused alot of emotional stress and mine was simply my father leaving and showing up a couple of times.
We don't want that to happen to us this time.
I'm having an issue right now though. Actually a discussion that we had today that has me concerned, even though I understand the rational behind it.
When we initially discussed custody, we considered her having the primary physical custody as I'm currently working full time and going to school full time. We've actually discussed living close to one another, to make the transition for the kids to be as painless as possible. We then discussed 50/50 physical custody for a bit. Today she brought up her having full physical custody, but continuing our plan for week on week off. Initially this caught me off guard, but I called a close friend and asked him about it. The state of Missouri has two types of custody. Physical and Legal (I believe). Physical is where they primarily live and usually leaves the other parent with weekends and one night a week. Legal has to do with decision making processes, like what school and so on.
The advice I got from this divorced father of one, was the same advice he got from his first lawyer. Your going to lose. He didnt believe him and ended up paying 2400/month in child support/maintenance. He was saying that the best interests for the kids, especially in our relationship where we may have issues with one another, but want each of us to be a part of their lives, would be to allow her full physical and 50/50 legal and then we can make our own arrangements (week on week off) once the process is done. She has stated to me and her family as well ( We still have a pretty good relationship. We still go over and hang out with them sometimes) that my stbx wants me to have as much time with the kids, as she needs a break and the week on week off would give her that.
Financially and honestly, I'm a joke. I make 30k a year, work extra hours to make ends meet and donate plasma. She has a degree in mechanical engineering and is currently looking for employment. From a financial standpoint, it would make sense for her to have primary physical custody as receiving child support (what little can be taken from me) would allow her to get financial assistance from the government which would help with the our kids.
I need to hear advice about all this. Alot of you guys have these horrible stories and I get that, but I havent been able to find someone who had a positive experience with working through a divorce. I know divorce can be messy, but...yeah.
Anyone with advice is appreciated!
Last edited by FiveClovers
on Thu May 31, 2012 10:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.