Hi, hope everyone's having a nice Memorial Day weekend (hopefully with your kids).
I could use some advice, if anyone has the time and a little wisdom. D5 has been seeing a therapist on and off for several months, to get help coping more constructively with her parents' marriage disintegrating around her. NJ takes her, by default, since I'm at work during business hours. I believe the therapist, a young woman, HAS been fairly helpful to D5. D5 likes her.
Recently I got wind that not only has NJ been taking D5 to the therapist, but that NJ has made appointments for herself with the same woman. Supposedly they are about what NJ can do as a parent to help D5 through this, and so on - not so much the therapy NJ herself badly needs. Without having the office bugged, but having known NJ for so long, I can guarantee that the therapist is hearing some pretty negative things about me, gross exaggerations at best, but spoken in all apparent sincerity. NJ has begun boasting and taunting me about it.
Apparently the therapist wants to talk to me. I would like to have that conversation as well. Even NJ tells me to go talk to her, because she confidently expects the therapist to "tell me off". (She kept expecting our marraige counselor to do the same thing, which never happened.) NJ's eternal goal is to make me realize I'll be so poor and lonely after a divorce that I'm better off accepting that she controls the kids and the money and I should keep my mouth shut except for saying, "Yes", "You're right", "We'll do it your way", and "Sure, we'll just take it from savings". If NJ has this therapist ready to say, These kids need to be with mom", then even with the excellent lawyer I've got lined up...that's going to hurt. Badly.
So how do I approach a meeting with this therapist? I don't want to come off as defensive, nor to I want to tip my hand as far as some evidence I've got. I can and will keep it kid-centric and find out what we can do to further insulate D5 from our problems. (Not that NJ will let that happen - since I don't give a hang what she says or does anymore, her only control over me is to thrust the kids into the line of fire.) But in an hour or whatever - any tips on how I can at least ease this potentially important woman out of the NJ camp without spending the whole time rebutting NJ's lies, recounting her own misdeeds, and looking paranoid? SHOULD I plant some seeds against NJ? My concern also is that D5, knowing how much the therapist talks to NJ, may be reluctant to say how much some of NJ antics have upset her. She may fear that the therapist will tell NJ, and then she (D5) will face the backlash.