I'm seeking input from a few guys that have been there, because I read that if you are having chronic indecision due to a lack of experience, the best thing to do is ask someone who does have the experience. So, please, chime in if you've been through a divorce and have teenage kids.
Married 21 years, two kids, son 18 starting college this fall, and a daughter, 15 and apple of my eye. Both wonderful kids. I have a good job, pays well, and a nice home in the suburbs. My wife had a 4-yr business degree but has stayed home since our son was born. Some 10 years ago I became resentful towards my wife for not spending time with me, and after she refused to show up for a dinner at work where I was honored for a major promotion, I felt it was over. I had an affair. I'm not proud of it, but...it just grew out of the need to talk someone and as you know, that kind of honesty leads to the intimacy that I craved. Big mistake but I see howi got there and finally forgave myself. However, when the other woman called the house to 'out' us and force the issue, eight years ago, all hell broke loose. The screaming and violence my wife unleashed terrified me. I spent months trying to make up for it, all the while she was calling me worthless, sh_t, a cheat, and worse. She physically assaulted me several times. not breaking bones, but bruising and scratching me. One night it was especially bad, and I was trying to draw her away from the kids so they wouldn't hear the fighting, and she kept hitting me. So I said I was gonig to call 911 if she didn't stop. I called them, right in front of her, and she kept slapping me and the phone dropped and I didn't finish telling them what was going on. But I wanted officers to show up so she would see how serious this was and stop hitting me. At that time, I was unware of the DV laws in this state,or I woudn't have called. They took one look at me and arrested her. put her in jail over the weekend. I don't have space her to go into the horror of the next few weeks as I moved into a hotel, the judge issues a temp sep order, i had ot see her in cuffs and orange jumper in the courtroom. She hated me. I hated myself. But I kept trying ot make up for it. But every few months the violence would resurface, as well as name calling, emotional abuse, etc. I had to emotionally harden myself and distance myself to deal with it. I didn't leave because I was afraid of teh effects on the kids. Now I am afraid what my staying did to them. It has been two years since teh last violent outburst. I never turned her in again, as I promised her, but I cannot love her again either. I cannot trust her to share my feelings and concerns, and she cannot trust me to be faithful and she opens my mail, goes through my things, etc. I've had trouble keeping friends because she doesn't trust them and I never have anyone visit. But she also still does not want to socialize with me and try to rebuild. The last few months, she seems to be nicer, trying harder, but I can't seem to recover. I haven't been able to have sex with her in over two years, due to feeling repulsed and fearful, though I feel sorry for her and for what I've done. She refuses to consider marriage counseling. Esp after she was forced to go to anger management--which she got through early while she was still abusing me.
So the kids are older now, and I've survived, adn I think I can afford it. I'm 50. Maybe there is stil time. I just want to hear from a few guys that have made it through the divorce process. I love my kids so much. But I want to have a chance at a fresh start. Can anybody share that they made it. I am afraid to bring this isue up and still am not sure i can but I have to believe there is light on the other side for all. I am hurting her by staying and not being able to love her. My daughter welcomes me home every day and makes me so happy.