Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

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Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby tomahawk » Thu May 03, 2012 9:31 am

I never thought I'd be in this situation. Married 11 years (together 18 years), two young kids, both of us have good jobs, nice house, cars...now...she doesn't love me anymore.

For the last 8 years sex she's been un-interested in sex. Like all men, I assume, it means more to us? She reluctantly obliged every 2 weeks but did so angrily. Last night she told me she "can't stand to have sex with me". Wow. For the record, I'm not the get in and get out kind of guy. She is un interested in sensual foreplay as well.
I'm not fat and ugly. ;-)

This morning she appoligized for saying that, but she still feels that way.

My whole world (kids, job, wife, house, lawn, garden) is falling apart in front of me.
I feel the worst when I think about our 2 young kids. The only household they know is in critical condition...

She works way too much and I feel she derives her self worth from work rather than wife and mother.

Can counseling make her realize she may still love me? I think not, but I'm interested in what others think.

Sleepless in Seattle.
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby keko » Thu May 03, 2012 9:35 am

Are you sure there isn't another man in the picture?
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby defaultuser » Thu May 03, 2012 9:43 am

tomahawk wrote:Sleepless in Seattle.

I was ready to help you out until I read that. Then I threw up in my mouth a little.

Just kidding :)

Anyway, I suggest you prepare for divorce and at the same time try and make the marriage work. You should be learning everything possible about how the courts decide on the important things and set up things so that if you do get a divorce, you're in a position to suffer less than you would otherwise if you weren't educated on the subject. The number one thing you can do in that regard is meticulously document your involvement in the kids' lives and her uninvolvement.

At the same time, suggest counseling, do what you can to patch things up. If that doesn't work, file for divorce and keep the offer of working on the marriage on the table. Some women will get a new found respect for a man when they understand that they no long sit atop a pedestal.

My 2 cents.
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby tomahawk » Thu May 03, 2012 9:44 am

I've asked her. I told her I'm seeing signs that make me wonder if, at a minimum, she's emotionally attached to someone else. She denies it and says "when exactly do you think I'd have time for that"?. She's right. It's very unlikely, but I haven't totally ruled it out. I'm definately in-tune to that possibility.
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby tomahawk » Thu May 03, 2012 9:46 am

defaultuser wrote:
tomahawk wrote:Sleepless in Seattle.

I was ready to help you out until I read that. Then I threw up in my mouth a little.

At the same time, suggest counseling, do what you can to patch things up. If that doesn't work, file for divorce and keep the offer of working on the marriage on the table. Some women will get a new found respect for a man when they understand that they no long sit atop a pedestal.

My 2 cents.



LOL, pertty lame huh. :oops:
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby defaultuser » Thu May 03, 2012 9:48 am

If you're going to get divorced you need balls of steel, not a soft heart Tom Hanks :)
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby tomahawk » Thu May 03, 2012 9:57 am

Just a flip of a switch... :twisted:
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby keko » Thu May 03, 2012 10:00 am

tomahawk wrote:I've asked her. I told her I'm seeing signs that make me wonder if, at a minimum, she's emotionally attached to someone else. She denies it and says "when exactly do you think I'd have time for that"?. She's right. It's very unlikely, but I haven't totally ruled it out. I'm definately in-tune to that possibility.


Can you monitor her texts/calls/emails?
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby MrCoolDC » Thu May 03, 2012 10:18 am

Has she begun to wear a lot of flannel, or hang around with women who do?
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Re: Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

Postby defaultuser » Thu May 03, 2012 10:20 am

tomahawk wrote:Just a flip of a switch... :twisted:

Yeah. It takes time. It will take less time if things get ugly and you spend some time in jail for something you didn't even come close to doing, you're barred from seeing your children, don't have access to any of your money and have no place to live.

Things like that can happen a lot faster than you might expect. You should check out the LIST. Just so you can understand what you could be facing in divorce.
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