Could use advise

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Could use advise

Postby ghr444 » Mon May 14, 2012 3:08 pm

Been on here for awhile, I have gotten a lot of advice and need some again. Wife voluntarilly moved out Jan 1, and lives in a house her parent bought, Alcohol and depression issues with her, I have been working this and have a marital agreement with her, and she seems to be stalling, she is not paying rent, and is broke, and I have and will maintain marital house, kids s19, s16 and d12, are with me 75% of the time for the minors, and things have fallen into place.

She is stalling on the mariage agreement, and I have done the following; please advise, again we have not filed. She works 2 days a week and could earn 85k if imputed full time, I make 90K as a accounting consultant, with periods of unemployment due to ecomony over last few years, averaging about 70K per year the last 3 years.

1) cell phone - In her name, and for her call in hospital industry, does not get paid for cell, but gets paid to be on call, kids piggy back off that, I have paid for years, but with her out, I gave her bill, and she balked, and I will take care of kids if she defalts, but not paying anymore.
2) Car insurance- I have her on my plan and I have paid through the seperation, and my agent now says since the policy is up for renewal, and she does not reside in the marital house, she should be excluded, so i adviced her, as of next friday she or the car are not covered, and she needs title from me, which I will sign over, in exchange for registration and license plate, to make sure she does not drive without coverage, and I submittied form to DMV advising of ownership transfer.
3) I have a life insurance policy for 500k, which was for when the kids were younger, but to cut costs, and save $100 a month, i want to cancel policy with her as beneficiary and get a 100K policy and name a relative as beneficiary.
4) she does carry health insurance for family, but cannot take me off until divorced or new enrollment next jan 1.
5) I pay 100% for investment property, she is 1/2 owner as its aginst home equity on main house, and I pay the interest each month.

She is dragging her feet, and I want to cut her off from 1-3 above asap, do you see any issues/ again we have not filed, but she has been out for over 4 months. My portion far exceeds what she pays, and she knows that she will ahve to pony up. If this does not get her attention, then its time to file and I should go for primary custody.

Help appreciated!
10+ Posts
Posts: 49
Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:30 am

Re: Could use advise

Postby Oneforthree » Mon May 14, 2012 4:52 pm

Motivate her by action. Eliminate any extra stuff such as cell phones. She can work more for such if she wants it. If the car (asset) is in your name as sole owner or joint, it has value and perhaps keeping it insured is beneficial. It is likely a marital asset. Also, if she transports your children in it, perhaps think twice before dropping coverage.
100+ Posts
Posts: 106
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:28 am

Re: Could use advise

Postby ghr444 » Wed May 16, 2012 12:26 pm

Thank you for the advice, The car was agreed to be her's upon seperation, and she agreed, has been driving for 5 months now, and not paying insurance, since drinking is involved, I want to get it off my policy asap, and with a new policy period, and auto not house at marital home, I am removing it from policy. If she does not obtain insurance, and I will send form to DMV about the change in ownership, then I either will take plates and registration from car at her work, I have title and ownership if questioned, and then send her the title, signed over by me. I realize she could drive without insurance, but with no license tag or registration, and if drinking, would be in big trouble. I also could report it stolen.

Yes, she has ceel phone bill now, states she cannot pay and why and I hurting kids, I said I have paid for 4 months since seperation, and its your bill in your name and I am not on it or obligated to pay, I also stated if she fails to pay, that if on her, and the kids will not have phones, and I will see about alternative options after advise by attorney.

Thanks for your input,

Did I do right?
10+ Posts
Posts: 49
Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:30 am

Re: Could use advise

Postby RC411V » Wed May 16, 2012 12:33 pm

I didn't understand everything about your post, but it seems like you are communicating with the ex too much, interacting with her too much and just getting mixed up with her too much. Try not to do stuff like taking plates, talking to her about getting a phone, stuff like that. Don't do anything with her at all.

If you want the car off your policy, get a new policy for yourself and your car. Don't try to get her off yours, just a new one for yourself and let her figure out the rest.

If you want her off the phone, you may be able to cancel the service temporarily and force her to get a new one. Talk to your attorney on that, but at the least you could block her phone from taking/sending calls to her favorite phone numbers and she will definitely want to get a new one. That's what I did and it worked great. I didn't talk to her about it, didn't ask about it, just did it and pretty soon she was calling me from a new number and I didn't have to pay for her cell phone anymore.

Don't pay for anything for her that the court hasn't ordered you to pay. Save the money for your kids.

In general, try to handle stuff without interacting with the NJ at all. Pretend she doesn't exist.
1 - Question authority
2 - Think for yourself
3 - Test ideas by the evidence gained from observation and experiment
4 - Follow the evidence wherever it leads
5 - Remember: you could be wrong
User avatar
1K+ Posts
Posts: 4381
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:05 pm
Location: In the lead

Re: Could use advise

Postby ghr444 » Wed May 16, 2012 2:49 pm

Thank you RC!

The reason for her coming off the auto policy is that I have 4 cars and 4 drivers, (2 kids) and the new policy states she cannot be insured as long as the auto are not in the marital home. I do have a new policy taking effect, my concern is she will not get her agreed auto onto a new plan and will drive my titled car, and registered car with no insurance, thus I have the liability if she gets in an accident. Taking the plates and registration was meant to force her to get the title from me in return of these items, thsu if she wants to drive with no plates, insurance of registration its on her, I also will report to the DMV the title has been transfered.

The phones were in her name, and for the kids, I just have been paying the bill while I have a company phone, I told her its her obligation now, and she said I am letting the kids down, i said no she will be letting the kids down should she not pay, at that time I will get alternate plans for the kids. She idicated she has no money, but has enough to party alot.

Thanks for response, I do agree I say to much, but with the auto, its tricky as the auto she has is in my name, and drinks and drives, and I want her off my new plan, or she is off, as I am not renewing, I just want to make sure she does not drive my car, while still in my name uninsured.

10+ Posts
Posts: 49
Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:30 am

Re: Could use advise

Postby Fatheroffour » Wed May 16, 2012 2:59 pm

If my woman were drinking and driving in an auto under my name and coverage and I wanted to put a stop to it, it would be a simple thing to stop.

Pull the computer.
Remove the rotor button.
Pull the fuel pump fuse or relay.

There are any number of ways to render it inoperable that only take a few seconds to do and undo.
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”― Mark Twain
User avatar
Posts: 30839
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:37 am
Location: Top of the world

Re: Could use advise

Postby ghr444 » Wed May 16, 2012 3:20 pm

Good point FOF,

You gave me great advise in the past, but I have her out of the house, I have the kids almost all the time, except for the occasional sleepover, or diner, and a martial agreement with her as me primary, I am not asking for anything from her, we have divided assets and debt, and are trying to resolve a few things related to some investment property we have. The kids can freely she her as she is 7 miles down the road, but they are with me all the time. I knew I would win this as I am the parent where the kids know they can depend. I just want her out of my daily life, except for the kids stuff, as I know we will always be tied. She is dragging her feet, as she will ahve to anty up on some of these costs which include the cell phones and auto insurance for her agreed upon auto. Its just now that I have been shutting her off, and as of Friday she will ahve no insurance or be insured, and I want to make sure she titles the car and insures it, and not let it expire and continue with it under my name, until she gets caught, and she will! The kids do not ride with her anymore, so its a matter, of getting the car in her name, and out of mine. The cell phones issue is over, her account her deal.

Thanks for you very important input!
10+ Posts
Posts: 49
Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:30 am

Return to Before and During Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: bigDoodle66, herpapa and 14 guests