learn these words!
TIME SPENT WITH THE CHILDREN
learn these words!
I never hear the end of people crying foul because they didn't win custody because of being Dads, fathers or male. STOP LYING TO YOURSELVES! It is NOT true! All you're doing is sabatoging your case by lying to yourself like that. The reason why you don't have custody of your kids is because you didn't spend the most time with them. Hate me all you want for saying it, but it is true. The most common reason why you didn't spend the most time with them - just like me - is that we were out working our jobs. Yes, I know. It sucks. We got drawn a bad lot for trying to take care of and provide for our families. But that is the true reason why we didn't get full custody of our kids.
I was in court earlier this week watching a court session before a Commissioner that is known to favor Fathers.
Some details about this case: The parents were fighting over their little girl. They had both "kidnapped" the girl from each other on various occasions. Both the mother and father had been meth druggies for a while. The father had remarried and had a family with step-children about the same age as his daughter. The mother was currently remarried to a convicted drug felon and moved out of State, violating a direct court order to not leave the State.
The Commissioner was nearly irrate with how the mother had behaved during the entire ordeal. He kept coming back to her screw-ups and kept mentioning how he was leaning towards the father. The attorneys all battled it out for over 2 hours. The Commissioner took it under review for nearly 40 minutes in his chambers. When he came back out, again he tallied the facts up and proclaimed that he was in favor of giving custody of the daughter to the father because the scales were tipped in his favor. Except for one thing. The Commissioner mentioned that there was just one hurdle that he couldn't over come: "who was the primary caretaker of the children". (In considering competing claims to custody between fit parents under the "best interests of the child" standard, considerable weight should be given to which parent has been the child's primary caregiver. Davis v. Davis, 749 P. 2d 647 - Utah: Supreme Court 1988). Time spent tending to the children = primary caregiver.
What had happened here is that when the child was born, the father skipped town and didn't make a reapprearance until a DNA test was done a year later that indicated he was indeed the father. Then, the father came back to see his kid and started the whole "kidnapping" ordeal. (However, it wasn't true kidnapping, because there wasn't a court order in place yet declaring custody one way or the other). The Commissioner was trying to find a way to give custody to the father. But because the father HADN'T SPENT THE TIME WITH HIS CHILDREN, i.e. he hadn't been the primary caregiver, and he lost custody.
Now, go back up to the top of this post and read that emphasized part again. If you want to win custody of your kids, you have to find a way to spend more time with them than the other parent.
Get a library card. Start checking out books on law and how to win your case.