military divorce

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military divorce

Unread postby rangerthat » Tue Mar 13, 2012 4:58 pm

I posted for advice on here a while back but now I'm looking for some new advice on this progressing situation. Again the quick summary:

married 8 years, separated a year (never filed)
I'm active duty military, stationed away from her, she lives in ohio w/ kids
she already has all of our household goods
I pay her a required amount according to the military (no CS order in effect currently)
I pay for her car payment and insurance (car is in my name still)

Well.. being naive and trying to stay civil, I had been working on a dissolution w/ STBX. She was fighting it the whole, wanting more money, my retirement, alimony.. basically the works. All of the sudden she tries to compromise and SEEMS to be working w/ me. I retained a lawyer, spent all the retainer on trying to reach a deal during this. She then out of no where says she filed for divorce and low and be hold I check online (public record search) that it has indeed been filed. I have yet to be served. I found a family law lawyer (pretty good one) but I have to wait a week to have my initial consult (and probably retain him after the consul).

So.. her motivation this whole time has been money.. wanting more of it for CS and alimony. She works now and probably makes about half of what I do. I am assuming I'm going to get slapped w/ an emergency CS order here soon since she was very upset when I started paying her the amount I was required to by the military. (about $500 less a month). I did this because it was clear that my money was going to her lawyer to fight me for more and I was simply giving in to keep things civil and be able to talk to my kids. I took all the debt when we separated (all in my name) and have paid her every month we have been apart to help with kids.

Now the most important.. she uses the kids against me of course.. has said numerous times I can not talk to them because I am not paying her enough, having them tell me we should get back together, degrading me in front of them (arguing on the phone with me with them in the background).. etc. I have thousands of emails from her going all over the place.. saying she wants to be with me (never going to happen), she hates me and hopes I die, the kids won't be around me.. etc.. it goes on.

All the while during this I do my best to keep in my kids lives (hard to do when stationed thousands of miles away) and I keep paying her every month w/out a support order and I always pay her car payment and insurance.

Besides getting a lawyer.. since I am obviously doing my best to get a good one fast.. what is everyone advice now that I know she has filed for divorce? It's hard to talk to my kids w/out going through her because I won't know where they are at etc.. but I know I should minimize any contact with her. I know what the list says but a big thing for me right now is the car I'm paying for her. If I get slapped w/ an outrageous CS order and alimony I won't be able to afford paying for her car. If I go into bankruptcy because of this I could lose my security clearance and my job thus losing my ability to support my kids.

We did at one point have a pretty good agreement I think.. I was going to pay more CS than I needed to by law, her car and insurance and I have medical ins for the kids. That wasn't good enough for her because she kept wanting more so now were going into this.. makes ABSOLUTELY no sense.. why risk losing having a good flow of income coming in just to be vindictive?? That question was rhetorical but really.. any advice welcome. Thanks!!
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Re: military divorce

Unread postby RC611V » Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:45 pm

Basics are similar to me (and most guys on here) that I figured it would be cool if I was reasonable and started out nice. It doesn't work like that.

Sorry no advice, the distance is a big issue for you and I don't know what to do about it. In general, I guess the usual advice applies; expect her to treat you like her worst enemy, don't be mad about it but approach her like the dangerous, unpredictable (except that she will unfailingly try to injure you) and malicious creature she is, don't communicate more or about anything other than what you have to...

Good luck...
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Re: military divorce

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:51 pm

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Re: military divorce

Unread postby panhandle slim » Thu Mar 15, 2012 12:50 pm

The best advice I can give you is to educate yourself. I can recommend a couple of things for you to google.
1. Silent Partner: Military Pension Division - The Servicemember's Strategy (Very excellent reference) ... member.pdf
2. Dividing military retired pay from DFAS

In Florida, the day she filed for divorce is the day she quit earning your retired pay. With your marriage only being 9 years, DFAS will not pay her directly so that will be a pain. You have to be very careful on the wording of the retirement division to make sure she doesn't get anything more than what the law says she's entitled to.
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