Not sure. I dont think I could ever me happy not seeing my kids everyday for the rest of my life. Im happy they are safe and healthy and emotional strong, happy I am primary and see them the majority of time, happy their mom is sober, happy that as an involved Dad I will forever be a driving positive force in their lives. But knowing there will be nights they wake up crying, or are sick throwing up and ill never be there when they call out for me will break my heart for a long, long time.
I guess Im more relieved this mess is over (although the financial mess will be around for years to come) BUT, from a personal standpoint knowing that I can rebuild and start new is the biggest victory.
I told my Dad last night that this almost 5 year process felt like I was up in a plane all alone. Forever circling in a holding pattern while the world went on without me. Now I can hear the landing gear open up as I approach the runway....
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland