Wow. She sounds like a winner. Too bad your already swimming in deep water.
It's good that your here now so you can develope and execute a strategy that will give you the best chances of success in reaching your goal rather than having a divorce sprung on you.
My wife also cannot handle our toddler. She is out of control with her.
Biggest part of your winning strategy will be documentation of your Superdadedness as well as these out of control moments your wife has with the child.
Hang tight, document and wait. Time is on your side.