If I could do it over...

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If I could do it over...

Unread postby WhoWeAre » Thu Jan 15, 2009 7:00 pm

Suppose your relationship was ending now, instead of then. Suppose you could do one thing over. You cannot save your relationship, but you sure wish you had...

Mine is... I sure wish I had realized she was not the same woman anymore; that we were locked into an adversarial system and that I would need to fight because the only thing that matters anymore is the judges decree.
We live in a world where too many people won't go far enough... won't do what they know is right... what they believe.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Thoughts? » Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:02 pm

A clear understanding that I couldn't buy her off.

I.E., I could throw the world at her (I did), ask her for counseling & to work on it (she went but didn't), but that all I did was remove her incentives to be reasonable. She had my attention -- she was destroying my family so hell yes she had my attention; she had my money -- I gave up most of my paycheck to avoid disruption to my family; and she had zero incentive to do anything because of it.

End of day, I'd lock & load, put up a great defense, hire the best, tell her to pi$$ off, then if she wants counseling, do it from a position of equality. Trying to restore a relationship from a position of relative weakness leads to automatic loss of everything near & dear to you....you have to give up too much just to level the playing field, to come out happy means giving all of it up.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby i_won_sorta » Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:37 am

i wouldn't have settled out of court. i was nervous of losing my kids and was willing to give her way more parenting time then i should have to make sure that happened. i should have made her a 'weekend mommy' and given her half of the marital debt. i ended up taking all the debt, giving her THOUSANDS in cash, a paid for car, furniture, and paying off her STD related ER visits so she would sign over sole custody to me. in retrospect i think i would have gotten it anyway without having to give her so much money and time with my kids.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Jehr » Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:57 am

Dedicate 100% of my waking days to building a time travel machine, so I could go back and stop myself from marrying the witch in the first place!

Seriously...I wouldn't have taken her back after our separation that ended in 2005. I should have just divorced her then and been done with it when it would have been much easier and cheaper.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby hopeformykids » Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:09 am

you can play this game all day long...

however, I am an ardent believer in the adage "things happen for a reason" so while i do regret getting married, I don't regret my children...who would have never happened if I didnt get married. So you take the good with the bad.

God works in mysterious ways and sometimes it the answer isnt right in front of your face...it sometimes takes hindsight to identify.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby velobard » Fri Jan 16, 2009 12:45 pm

A couple of years ago my favorite song was "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts. I endured 20 years of insanity with my ex, but it got me some great kids and led me on a path to where I wound up with a wonderful woman as my new wife as of a few years ago.
If love is a battlefield then my first marriage was the Little Bighorn.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby HammerDad » Fri Jan 16, 2009 1:35 pm

I would've frozen some sperm immediately after college and got a vasectemy. Then I wouldn't have had to deal with "but you know I am bad for taking my pill"....
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby LOBO3315a » Fri Jan 16, 2009 3:26 pm

Wished I had stayed in the apartment instead of moving out.... It would have evened up the playing field, a bit...
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby jerico08 » Fri Jan 16, 2009 4:36 pm

I have no regrets for filing. I know I gave it my all for yrs only to receive complete emptiness in return so it was time.
I had a great career, nice place to live before I met NJ,, after taking on some water for a while after divorce I still have my great career and eventually found a new place to live with one addtional since that time that I am truly thankful for my wonderful kids minus one miserable nutjob.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby help4dad » Fri Jan 16, 2009 6:07 pm

I would have responded to her original petition. Not defaulted, not move out of the matrimonial home, and hired an attorney from the outset.
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