If I could do it over...

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby breaker_morant » Mon Dec 21, 2015 3:32 pm

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:Good write-up, Bro.

BTW - This forum was built, brick by bloody brick, upon lessons learned.

breaker_morant wrote:We separated early in the marriage, with an agreement that was (largely) written in her favor. I didn't have a lawyer, and signed it, thinking that was the best I could do.
FYI - Until stipulation/settlement is signed by the judge, any agreement you make with NJ isn't legally binding.

Tom


As you've mentioned in other posts. They do,however, get to be argued in court as contracts - and I plan to use that as leverage to push settlement more favorably in my direction. They can argue that they're not valid...and they might win....but they might also lose. She and her attorney(s) drew them up, gave them to my lawyers, and they're signed....so they get due process in court. Their risk is higher than mine, and I plan to exploit that as much as possible, including parts that used to be neutral or negative for me, have now turned into positives (separate vs marital debts, waiving of pension rights). Same thing with the house buyout agreement. It's not the agreement itself that's most important, it's how it's leveraged to push the negotiations in my favor.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby breaker_morant » Mon Dec 21, 2015 3:43 pm

Trevor wrote:
breaker_morant wrote:3) When you hear the word divorce (even as a passing thought), file immediately.

Premature ejaculation in this context can be fatal to your case. This is not fire-ready-aim.



You're absolutely right - a better way to put it would be.....when you hear 'divorce', even as a discussion point, assume that she's already filed (even if she hasn't), get an attorney and get your house in order as quickly as possible.....so that you are prepared to take action in your favor.

I didn't post this earlier, but it is a lesson that I've learned over and over.

Don't be afraid of being the 'bad guy'. If there are kids involved, you need to be the best parent possible, and be civil with STBX, but don't let your fear of others' perception of you dissuade you from taking action that you need to take. My STBX is living in an extended-stay hotel, with little to no income outside of the support check, and she has no access to any bank accounts, other than the one the support check goes into. While I had some fear about 'what would the neighbors/school/therapist think?', what I actually encountered was -

'We know you've had it rough. She needed to be out of the house. You had to be brave to go to court for the PO', etc.

Most people know what's going on, even if you can't see it....and they'll be supportive. The ones who aren't? Don't matter. You're there for the kids and you, not them. You may have to be the 'bad guy'.....but you're not a bad guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh4f8SUp-PU
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby lionel2013 » Wed Sep 21, 2016 12:24 pm

Deranged rant


Wow, I could not have said it any better - it describes more or less the story of my marriage and of my divorce. I too was a fool to believe my marriage could still be "fixed" once I understood it was seriously damaged. And, of course, I was wrong about that. I took about four months of emotional beating and boat loads of guilt thrown at me, for nothing - she still ended up filing, and immediately after declared her relationship with her Mr. W. The same Mr. W. who dumped her unceremoniously two years later, so now she is stuck in a small town, where she had moved for him, single and depressed. So yes, eventually there is payback, and it's a < female dog >.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Havalu7 » Thu Sep 22, 2016 10:48 am

Plus having to wear black all the time? My STBX is having to realize that the gravy train was expensive and now that she is having to pay for it all...woe is me I should have realized how good I had it with the evil two job hard working guy who was upset that she couldn't even keep up with the damn electric bill and provide food for herself and HER S17 spicoli waste of a teenagers body! Ok I feel better and this forum helps us vent and rant here instead of at our jobs and coworkers while we go through this hell. Sometimes (in my case) it's our own fault because we ignore the red flags or MANY red flags as I was lonely and not dealing with my own abandonment issues.
”No is a complete sentence” Unknown
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Outis » Thu Sep 22, 2016 11:50 pm

Someone needs an extra tin foil hat.
What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Sep 23, 2016 4:16 am

Better make that for two

Lionel wrote:Wow, I could not have said it any better -
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Sep 23, 2016 9:23 am

This is the kind of third world whacko nut job that will burn witches at the stake and perform genital mutilation on a young girl for her own good.

I have no problem excluding them from this country based upon their mental illness.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Mock Turtle » Fri Sep 23, 2016 11:41 am

Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
γού καvνοτ βε ας ςτοοpid ας Ι αm ηνλεςς γού Ηαvε βεεη ας ςmαρτ ας Ι ψας.
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Sep 23, 2016 1:04 pm

Don't feed the troll, guys.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: If I could do it over...

Unread postby lionel2013 » Mon Sep 26, 2016 10:57 am

Fatheroffour wrote:Better make that for two

Lionel wrote:Wow, I could not have said it any better -


You mean, for the deranged forum member who posted the deranged rant, and for you? Surely.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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