1. Moving out Staying put can theoretically be best because as it reinforces your relationship with your children. There is no legal requirement that the husband leave. That said, if two people don't get along, having constant conflict can hurt the family. To stay the husband sometimes must be willing to endure even severe provocation since even one punch will result in a restraining order.
2. Cost benefit-it's a marathon. Lawyers don't scare other lawyers in divorce, they create business for each other. Too often, a husband or wife thinks some tough motions or letters will scare the other party but they don't. Be prepared for a long fight and use limited funds wisely, with a cost/benefit analysis where work is needed.
3. Two battles In divorce, there is the battle between the husband wife and their counsel and between the litigants and their lawyers, with the husband and wife trying to keep their assets and the lawyers time will dissipate them.
4. She stills loves him. Many battles are fought in a fruitless attempt to save the marriage or because someone can't let go. Recognize the dynamics in yourself or your wife.
5. Limit calls to the lawyers. It's not uncommon for clients to call lawyers repeatedly on things large and small and then complain about bills. Lawyers keep track of and bill for every call. Don't talk to your lawyer about small things, pleasantries, or anything not directly connected with the legal aspects of your case. Group and organize your material so the calls are limited and cost-effective.
6. Family and friend's dynamics. Be careful about other people pushing your buttons. Jack from the Kiwanis is a nice guy but I don't think he can stand up to a piranha like your wife hired. Jane, as women we are always accommodating and putting other people first, I am afraid that you are not getting enough here. Hyped up by friends and family, each litigant fights and depletes limited funds. When Jane applies to colleges with a 3.8 average, her dad suggests she attend the local community college. What happened to the college fund you had talked about when I was little she asks, was that used us for the trial. No honey, there was no trial, just letters, motions, replies, responses, and nasty documents going back and forth which depleted all of that money.
7. Read critical conversations. Your job is not to straighten out your wife but to figure out the most effective way to handle the case and get her to a mutually acceptable position. Not the words you want to say but what will be effective.