Lessons Learned - Before and During

Tips on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation tips for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Here_We_Go » Wed Jul 09, 2014 1:04 pm

love hurts

just kidding. I think a big lesson to learn is your kids will be fine if you get a divorce. as they say in cast away tomorrow the sun will rise.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby jon43 » Fri Jul 18, 2014 4:10 pm

LF1274 wrote:Mediation only works when both parties are willing to make concessions. I really wanted to settle my divorce through mediation, however she was bitter and not really willing to make concessions, leaving me with an agreement that I shouldn't of agreed to.

Our mediator literally wrote a book on mediation and was terrible. He mantra was, "it's either this or you wait a year to hear it from the court" - which in hindsight, was just a way of getting me to agree.

Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to fight in court. It can save you endless regret and a lot of money down the road.


++++.

My lesson all the way. I avoided court because I was afraid (false notions of the system). Its ended up costing me more. If the soon to be ex is contentious, it will get worse leading to and after the divorce. Eventually they go back for more. As you know they like to test, and not knowing if its fair or not they will try it. Going through it now.

Mediation guy used the same if you don't do it now then you'll do it court too. He should have said do it now, do it in court later when she challenges it.

I would also add, and another lesson, is NEVER think of this person as a friend. They are in no way shape or form anything like the person you knew when you happy. Chances are they will never go back to that person. When we divorced we tried that lets be friendly thing. It got to be where she was getting over friendly and digging for info, trying to catch me off guard, sending mixed signals. Its very toxic. There is no such thing as friends after divorce, if I hear people who are like that I scoff and I rarely scoff.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby RustBeltCrooner » Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:02 pm

jon43 wrote:another lesson, is NEVER think of this person as a friend. They are in no way shape or form anything like the person you knew when you happy. Chances are they will never go back to that person. When we divorced we tried that lets be friendly thing. It got to be where she was getting over friendly and digging for info, trying to catch me off guard, sending mixed signals. Its very toxic. There is no such thing as friends after divorce, if I hear people who are like that I scoff and I rarely scoff.


+1. This was my story too. My ex was also chummy with my Cupcake. It turned out the ex was manipulating both of us for information and other advantages. My ex is a master manipulator. She certainly had the judge wrapped around her little finger. A highly toxic individual. Now she is on the no-contact list for me, our son and my Cupcake.
Five years of litigation if you include Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Only kid is s28.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Ramble_On » Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:06 pm

RustBeltCrooner wrote:My ex was also chummy with my Cupcake. It turned out the ex was manipulating both of us for information and other advantages.


For those reading over our shoulders, this would be another reason not to date during your divorce. Who would have thought that bringing the chick you're banging around the spouse you're divorcing would cause problems? [rhet] [sarcasm]
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby RustBeltCrooner » Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:34 am

Ramble_On wrote:
RustBeltCrooner wrote:My ex was also chummy with my Cupcake. It turned out the ex was manipulating both of us for information and other advantages.


For those reading over our shoulders, this would be another reason not to date during your divorce. Who would have thought that bringing the chick you're banging around the spouse you're divorcing would cause problems? [rhet] [sarcasm]


Totally agree. Could have turned out a lot worse than it did on that score. I thought we were having a amicable divorce but all out war was the ex's plan all along, I discovered.
Five years of litigation if you include Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Only kid is s28.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:26 pm

The phrase around here is cleaning up your old mess before making a new one.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby afc » Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:27 pm

dont < feces > where you have to eat
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:28 pm

I thought that was for workplace relationships.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby afc » Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:30 pm

Works for both.

Co parenting/parallel parenting is like work. You arent friends, you dont love them but you have to work together to put a quality product in the world. Spreading the foul stench of "look at what a much greater woman I have than you ever were" wont help
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby RustBeltCrooner » Thu Aug 21, 2014 9:50 am

The relationship with my wife was over years ago. She had no sexual interest in me. But she did have an interest in my Cupcake, or more specifically her bustline, which she stared at a lot. So I suppose that some jealousy was involved, but not the "woman scorned" kind of jealousy. More like envy of the Partonesque variety.
Five years of litigation if you include Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Only kid is s28.
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