Lessons Learned - Before and During

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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby coscrewed » Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:27 pm

I don't care who gets married, I just wish they had to take a test *before* they married showing that they knew what they are getting into. The marriage rate would plummet even further though.

Then there is common-law marriage, that throwback to the 1800's (1877 to be exact - the last Supreme Court ruling on it), which really only exists in its ancient form in one state - Colorado, of course. Other states have what they call common-law marriage, but they will very rarely declare a common law marriage without the explicit agreement of both parties. Colorado allows a contested, unilaterally declared common-law marriage of a cohabiting couple based on the statement of one of the parties to the marriage, and one "witness" who will testify that they heard the couple say they were married.

So, what we will be having in a few years are a bunch of court cases where cohabiting same-sex couples are suing for divorce based on their "common-law" marriage that the other party didn't agree to. Same-sex couples didn't have that risk before. Of course, the Colorado Family Law racket is sharking this to the hilt, recommending that every cohabiting same-sex couple get a cohabitation agreement ($$$$$ for them) so that in a few years when the common law cases are filed, they can point to the fact that a couple *didn't* have a cohab agreement as one of the factors of evidence supporting a declaration of common law marriage. Sweet.

This is the classic Colorado common-law screwjob: http://www.dailycamera.com/ci_20713196/ ... melessness
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Here_We_Go » Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:37 pm

why does anyone who is married live in Colorado. I get the mountains and the parks just not the lifetime alimony and common law divorce
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Sep 04, 2014 12:51 pm

Here_We_Go wrote:why does anyone who is married live in Colorado. I get the mountains and the parks just not the lifetime alimony and common law divorce


I suspect because most people who get married for the first time, in CO or any other state, have no idea what the divorce laws are in their particular states, and it wouldn't even cross their minds to look into it because who would want to ruin the wedding bliss by contemplating doomsday scenarios?? "Honey, before the rehearsal dinner, why don't we read up on family law in this state so that we educate ourselves just in case?". I don't think so.

I certainly did not. When I got married, 17 years ago, the notion of divorce was nowhere near my brain - not even on the same continent - and I was one of those who thought I would remain married to (now) X until one of us died.

Moreover, both my parents and my ex-in-laws never went through divorce, so there was nobody around (that I was close enough to) to warn me, directly or indirectly - I was completely and utterly ignorant. Three of my (older) first cousins (two female, one male) had gone through divorce, but those had happened decades ago in a different country, in Europe, so not relevant at all.

As years went by, and I started working, every now and then I would hear a male colleague joking about how he would let his wife rule the roost, "or else it's going do be bad" (a divorce, that is). But still, even though that began to make me aware, in a general way, that divorces are financially disastrous for men, the prospect of my own marriage going down the tubes was not even a remote possibility. X played the game very well, for years and years, to make me believe that divorce was not an option.

Fast forward to today, having gone through my own divorce (and I'm not even done with the courts yet), I think some pre - marriage "family law" intro should be mandatory (but of course no one will make that happen, I know). So all I can do is help in that way by "shoveling" on this board, especially when newcomers post about whether or not they should get divorced. And, most certainly, if I'm still around if/when my son decides to get married, I will make damn sure I explain to him what he's about to get into.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Sep 04, 2014 1:42 pm

Old men have been warning young men about the perils of marriage since the beginning.

One of the qualities of young men that makes them young men is that they don't listen. They like to find out for themselves. By the time they figure out they should have listened to the old man, they are one.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby NotDivorcedyet » Thu Sep 04, 2014 2:21 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:Old men have been warning young men about the perils of marriage since the beginning.

One of the qualities of young men that makes them young men is that they don't listen. They like to find out for themselves. By the time they figure out they should have listened to the old man, they are one.




Shiiiit, I started warning youngmen while I was married about the perils of marriage.

I honestly wish I had listened, I'm still young in age, but I'm an old man mentally and physically haha.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby a dad » Thu Sep 04, 2014 3:21 pm

You don't see the futility and irony in that?
Last edited by a dad on Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Sep 04, 2014 5:04 pm

FB_ wrote:
especially when newcomers post about whether or not they should get divorced. And, most certainly, quote]

It's simple, the moment you start thinking about divorce is probably a good time to admit to yourself that it's over. You might choose to downplay it, but you will only find that you are back at it again...which could then end up costing you even more e.g. in the form of indefinite payment of SS because you or NJ dragged it out

if I'm still around if/when my son decides to get married, I will make damn sure I explain to him what he's about to get into.[/


Am with you on this, this is NOt one of those instances where you "let them make their own mistakes". If after the education and what to expect they don't yield your advice, then at least you tried


I don't even think I will tell him not to marry someone specifically, unless he is unfortunate enough to fall in love with a crack < edited >. I will refrain from giving my opinion especially because I have such a <urine> poor track record at picking women (the one before X, 21-22 years ago, was an even bigger piece of work - but at least we did not get married - thank God! - and she put me out of my misery after only a year or so).

But I absolutely will tell him what he should expect if he does get married, then divorced, depending on whom he chooses.

As for your comment about divorce being inevitable when you start thinking about divorcing, you're absolutely right. Trouble is, many of us around here have been in denial for a long time, and then we either got dumped, or had to dump the wife. Closely related to the assertion that when a couple starts talking about going to couples' counseling, it's game over anyway - they just won't admit it yet.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby RustBeltCrooner » Sat Sep 06, 2014 4:50 pm

NotDivorcedyet wrote:
Fatheroffour wrote:Old men have been warning young men about the perils of marriage since the beginning.

One of the qualities of young men that makes them young men is that they don't listen. They like to find out for themselves. By the time they figure out they should have listened to the old man, they are one.


Shiiiit, I started warning youngmen while I was married about the perils of marriage.
I honestly wish I had listened, I'm still young in age, but I'm an old man mentally and physically haha.


As an educator and a molder of young minds, I am hard at work warning young men away from matrimony. Whenever I can fit it into the biology curriculum, of course.
Five years of litigation if you include Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Only kid is s28.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby calientes » Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:29 pm

RustBeltCrooner wrote:
NotDivorcedyet wrote:
Fatheroffour wrote:Old men have been warning young men about the perils of marriage since the beginning.

One of the qualities of young men that makes them young men is that they don't listen. They like to find out for themselves. By the time they figure out they should have listened to the old man, they are one.


Shiiiit, I started warning youngmen while I was married about the perils of marriage.
I honestly wish I had listened, I'm still young in age, but I'm an old man mentally and physically haha.


As an educator and a molder of young minds, I am hard at work warning young men away from matrimony. Whenever I can fit it into the biology curriculum, of course.[/quote]


You wait till they go home and tell Mommy :D
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Sydkate » Wed Sep 10, 2014 8:48 pm

how do I ask a question in this forum. I need advice on how to get my wife into mediation and I cannot afford to pay our attorney any more. She is refusing to agree and so am I just want a judge to be fair. Can I force her to go to mediation
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