Lessons Learned - Before and During

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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby afc » Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:09 pm

So yeah....like I said

weakness and then blaming others for the agreement they willingly made
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:15 pm

I can understand the desire to settle for less than favorable terms. Its the settling for the known instead of taking a chance on the unknown. It happens in other aspects of the legal system as well.

Pleading out would be an example. Take the probation and guilty plea instead of facing prison time at trial. It happens every day and the system is built around it.

When the person later discovers all the negatives associated with the guilty plea, no one gives a crap.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby afc » Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:27 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:I can understand the desire to settle for less than favorable terms. Its the settling for the known instead of taking a chance on the unknown. It happens in other aspects of the legal system as well.

Pleading out would be an example. Take the probation and guilty plea instead of facing prison time at trial. It happens every day and the system is built around it.

When the person later discovers all the negatives associated with the guilty plea, no one gives a crap.



See personally, I think a lot of this looking back after the marriage ends - looking back on the 'why did i do that'? And concluding that "I must have been trapped!", "or settling!....yes! That's it. That HAS to be it" is a way of saying anything but what is usually the truth "I was (stupidly or not) in love"

MY ex didnt turn out the way I would have liked but Im not going to deny that when I proposed and married her...I was in love.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:44 pm

That would be revisionist history.

Different issues, imo.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby afc » Fri Aug 29, 2014 3:23 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:That would be revisionist history.

Different issues, imo.



I think it's related because we're trying to develop rules, codes of living, ways to deal with women based on our history with the one we've already been married to. And for any of that to ever have a chance at working, a "yes, if she does this I kick her to the curb" or "never, ever would I do THIS again", etc then the history needs to be remembered with some accuracy.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby lionel2013 » Sat Aug 30, 2014 1:02 am

Fatheroffour wrote:Image


What does this mean?

I'm sorry, I'm slow.

Maybe "I don't know what to say"?
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Trevor » Sat Aug 30, 2014 5:47 am

Or it can mean "I know what I want to say, but my lack of confidence that you can wrap your head around my statement gives me pause." It may not be worth the effort explaining something that the other person isn't going to understand anyway.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Sat Aug 30, 2014 7:30 am

Trevor wrote:Or it can mean "I know what I want to say, but my lack of confidence that you can wrap your head around my statement gives me pause." It may not be worth the effort explaining something that the other person isn't going to understand anyway.


Trev nailed it along with the addition of "Nah, not going to bite on the troll bait."
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby NotDivorcedyet » Mon Sep 01, 2014 2:39 pm

My simple lessons learned so far:

1. Kids come first, before everything. They did before, but now its to an extreme. Kids come before careers, women, hobbies, everything.

2. Avoid Cupcakes until after divorce is finalized and its been a nice chunk of time (12 months) afterwards. Getting laid is ok, just don't get involved or attached. You need to get to know yourself and be ok with being alone, and ok with it just being you and the kids before you go shacking up with the next future ex-wife.

3. Be civil with NJ, Be nice to NJ, but don't give NJ a goddamn thing. It will bite you in the < hindquarters > if you do. Give her an inch, she will take a mile.

4. Trust no one, anyone you tell your story to is a potential spy for NJ. If you give out too much information, you can blow your case. This is high stakes poker, control your tells and keep your cards close to your chest.

5. Even if you don't believe in therapy get yourself and your kids into therapy.
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Re: Lessons Learned - Before and During

Unread postby coscrewed » Tue Sep 02, 2014 5:09 pm

RustBeltCrooner wrote:It may surprise you to learn that men or women who have been through an Ohio contested divorce have no little interest in a second marriage. Most of my divorced buddies have "fiancees" where the engagement can drag on for years or decades.


That doesn't surprise me because not only do people who have divorced have no interest in getting remarried in CO, people here aren't even marrying the first time, unless they are gay.

Colorado shows up in the middle range for weddings per capita, but the number is hugely skewed by "destination weddings". The "destination effect" is what makes the per capita rates so high in Hawaii and Nevada. Colorado residents very rarely marry now, especially marriage among those over 40, at least in middle class and higher income strata.

I know a LOT of 40+ year old singles. It is even affecting the real estate market here. Smaller houses/apartments are hot items.

I'm sure the stats are going to be skewed for a few years now because of all of the same-sex marriages. Look for uninformed articles next year about the huge increase in the number of people getting married. I doubt the Census Bureau will change in time for the 2020 Census.
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