What's My Next Move?

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What's My Next Move?

Unread postby Euronymous » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:24 pm

Okay I'm back, and more miserable than ever. Here's status:

*STBX sent another harassing email to my new employer's HR department yesterday (about an insurance issue that has yet to be settled). STBX has sent several hostile emails to various department heads of my company, and a while back my attorney sent her a letter warning her that if I lose my job as a result of her antics he's going to seek maintenance. I also sent her a written warning that she is to no longer contact my company directly, which hasn't stopped her. I have talked the people in my company about this and they're totally understanding and supportive of me, but the emails continue.

*Last week I began a covert job search for a position that requires less overnight travel. I had an interview today, but this process will take time. Meanwhile, STBX continues to harass me and kids non-stop. My job performance is suffering tremendously.

*Last night, one of our boys had an epic meltdown after he finished dinner because STBX had hidden the computer he wanted to use for his relaxation time. STBX did not clear this with me and our boy called her at work to ask where the computer is and I could not find it in our house. STBX would not tell us where the computer is, and our son began crying hysterically. As I sat with him and calmed him he confided in me that he is so emotionally distraught that he doesn't have anything to live for and that he's contemplated jumping off one of our decks. I listened and told him that I was glad that he was sharing his feelings with me and that I wanted to make sure he was getting in to see the counselor our boys have been seeing regularly. As I finally got him to go upstairs to eat a cookie I had baked, I saw a slip of paper on the floor. I picked it up and saw a note written by out other boy saying that he is miserable and sick of the divorce and wants a gun to end his misery. He was asleep in his room. I immediately scanned the note and sent it to the counselor with details of what I had witnessed. The counselor came back to me today and said that she wants to talk to me when I bring boy #1 in for his counseling session tomorrow and discuss engaging Children's Crisis Outreach Response System (CCORS) immediately. I don't know anything about this but am ready to take immediate action to get them further help. I have the boys on constant watch until I'm in to see the counselor tomorrow. (Side note: counselor shared what I had told her separately with STBX, and STBX came storming through the door tonight screaming to the kids about how "Dad's up to no good and the counselor is trying to cover her own butt! Dad's telling the counselor more lies and he's the one that needs to check into a mental hospital!" ) Regardless of everything else I'm writing here, please understand that getting the kids the help they need is priority #1 in my life right now.

*I realized today that I must immediately cease traveling for work. What might have happened if I was away on travel last night while STBX worked late at work, as usual? I am ready to share everything that's happening with my boss and ask him to lay me off so that I can be here full time to help these kids and shield them from Mom. I have not engaged my attorney on these recent events, but am wondering if I should see if we can either get maintenance from STBX for my job loss or seek a greater than 50/50 share of custody. My brain is so scrambled, but I know I must help these kids and depart my job immediately, I'm just not sure how exactly to strategically go about it. I am ready to drop out of my professional life for however long I need to to try to be here for my sons.

Help, please!
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby mgtowthatish » Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:49 am

Euronymous wrote:STBX has sent several hostile emails to various department heads of my company, and a while back my attorney sent her a letter warning her that if I lose my job as a result of her antics he's going to seek maintenance. I also sent her a written warning that she is to no longer contact my company directly, which hasn't stopped her. I have talked the people in my company about this and they're totally understanding and supportive of me, but the emails continue.


What does your attorney say about filing an order of protection (restraining order in some states)? She is harassing your employer, and trying to sully your name. You could also take her to small claims court for damages, but probably not worth it.

She is slandering your name and writing it down (libel), which is a crime. File a police report if it continues. Not knocking you, but I think you're showing too much mercy here. I'd put the hammer down and go to town if someone was doing this to me.
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:13 am

Alternatively, since your STBX is neither an employee, nor a concern of theirs, her email address can be blocked, and everyone's problem is solved.

Except you won't do it. Remind me why this simple and proven* strategy isn't good enough?

* Radio silence works.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:44 am

You are obviously in a very, tough spot. I applaud you for being there for our kids. You are being a Dad first and foremost - that's most important.

Unfortunately, I do not have the legal answers you seek. Please keep posting and the vets here will help you. If she's half as bad as you describe, she's going to claim you quit voluntarily and expect you to pay as if still employed. But that doesn't matter at all right now. You need to ensure your boys get the help they need and sounds like you are on top of that. How old are your boys again? I can only imagine how distraught you must feel. Many here have dealt with these types of issues.

Finally - do as Trevor suggests and have your IT department block her address from entering the email system.
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby Euronymous » Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:44 am

Trevor wrote:Except you won't do it. Remind me why this simple and proven* strategy isn't good enough?


Yes, I asked my HR person to please have STBX blocked at server level, but I got the "don't worry, we know she's wacko and we trust and believe you" treatment.
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby scoutdad » Wed Feb 14, 2018 11:21 am

It still must be blocked. There is no reason for them to see any of that garbage. And for you peace of mind, you shouldn't have to worry about people at your work hearing from her. I can see how that would negatively affect your performance. Heck, divorce alone is a huge drain on work performance.
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby Euronymous » Wed Feb 14, 2018 11:36 am

I'm comfortable enough that my company knows how crazy she is that I've moved into "let her continue to flail while I continue to document" phase. And given that I've know for a while now that I can't continue with this job with moderate travel, what do I have to lose (and more importantly, what might I stand to eventually gain) by letting her continue to harass my employer?
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:22 pm

Euronymous wrote:*STBX sent another harassing email to my new employer's HR department yesterday...has sent several hostile emails to various department heads of my company...my attorney sent her a letter warning her that if I lose my job as a result of her antics he's going to seek maintenance...I also sent her a written warning that she is to no longer contact my company directly...I have talked the people in my company about this and they're totally understanding and supportive of me, but the emails continue.

Euronymous wrote:I'm comfortable enough that my company knows how crazy she is that I've moved into "let her continue to flail while I continue to document" phase. And given that I've know for a while now that I can't continue with this job with moderate travel, what do I have to lose (and more importantly, what might I stand to eventually gain) by letting her continue to harass my employer?

Then why are you raising the issue here? If your company is fine with it, then it's not "harassment." This is a cul-de-sac, not an avenue. You're not "documenting" anything except you're a high-maintenance employee. Fecking stop the games - your IT team should stop the emails immediately.

Not trying to be a < edited >, but with your kids going off the rails, I'd've thought you'd have a better handle on priorities.
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby dad2grls » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:24 pm

Trevor wrote:Then why are you raising the issue here? If your company is fine with it, then it's not "harassment." ..

Not trying to be a < edited >, but with your kids going off the rails, I'd've thought you'd have a better handle on priorities.


I was thinking the same thing. Your company understands the situation and nothing needs to be done about it.

Let it go, you've got bigger fish to fry. If anything the continued calls to your job will work against her in court.
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Re: What's My Next Move?

Unread postby Euronymous » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:30 pm

Yeah, that's why I bolded in my original post that kids are definitely #1 priority. I'm leaving work at 3:45 today to take one of them to counseling, and the other goes tomorrow.

Look, I've sketched out a letter that I'm ready to send to my boss telling him why I can no longer travel and, consequently, will probably no longer be able to maintain this job. I'm just wondering if before doing this I engage my costly attorney and see if this can be done strategically to pin the primary necessity for my departure on STBX.
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