Fair and Equitable???

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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Broken Machine » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:48 pm

dad2grls wrote:
You entered into a contract with her by signing a marriage license. Anything you earned during the marriage is half hers, legally, morally, and realistically. Doesn't matter if you earned the money by serving your country or collecting garbage.


Yeah and I have said as much. But if you would bother to read what I said, there was no money contributed to military retirement. None, zero, zilch. Don't know how much easier I can explain it to you.


dad2grls wrote:You married the wrong person. Your decision, and you allowed it to perpetuate. Own it.


Thanks for the obvious there, captain. Where did I say that I didn't own it?



dad2grls wrote:Right, you believe blaming the bad laws and the courts for your problems is the answer.


Really dude? Nowhere did I blame my problems on the courts? Did I say some things are wrong? Yes. Am I blaming them? No. I blame my cowardly STBX.

dad2grls wrote:Courts don't penalize cheaters for the most part. Courts generally aren't concerned with the reasons for the marriage, just that one or both parties want out and they do the best they can to split things up fairly if the parties are unable to do it on their own. They don't have the time or the resources to get involved to the extent that would be necessary to find fault- which is why most states are now "no fault". It's simply not practical to do it any other way.


Yeah thanks. I got that and I said so already in a previous post. But I guess you skipped right past that with your limited reading comprehension.



dad2grls wrote:Yup, he's a "victim". It's everybody elses fault he married the wrong person and let things get totally out of hand simply because he "doesn't believe in divorce" and now he blames the courts and the law for his mistakes.


Oh go blow it out your < hindquarters >! I am not playing victim nor blaming the courts. As I said several damn times, I was telling my story to OP because he is dealing with the frustration of the divorce in the financial area. Now why don't you stop being such a damn "tough guy" and either help OP journey to finding his peace in all this or just keep quiet.

And another example of your lack of reading comprehension, I did say that I blame myself for letting things happen in my house. Good Lord...< edited > keyboard warriors.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:53 pm

No it is not


Actually, it is.

The only way to be a family man in the military is to have a wife taking care of things back home.

"She contributed nothing" ignores that fact.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Chaos » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:54 pm

If you're just venting, that's cool. Better here than in a court room. It's kind of a waste of time though. You should be focused on what you can do, not your perceived injustice in the system.

ETA: I just realized this isn't even your thread.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Broken Machine » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:08 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:
Actually, it is.

The only way to be a family man in the military is to have a wife taking care of things back home.

"She contributed nothing" ignores that fact.


What is wrong with people's reading comprehension here??? I was talking about MONETARY CONTRIBUTION. Money, dinero, cheddar. So NO...it is NOT the same in that regard and when comparing to other retirement accounts where marital funds are contributed.

I see your point about the spouse taking care of the homefront. But that is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how military retirement is being treated like any other retirement account and it's not the same. Hell, I don't even know why they even call it a "retirement". It's chump change. In fact, I'm not even upset about the money. I'm upset about how my service is just cut up like it's nothing.


Chaos - Some of it was venting but again, I was trying to tell OP of my journey through the anger of this when I was in the earlier phases of my divorce. I have let go of what my STBX is doing. I don't engage in her games. And when she does her stupid idiotic things (like kid swap days), I am better at letting it go. I don't < female dog > about my house anymore because after she moved out I focused on cleaning and making it better. I LOVE living here now.


EVERYBODY...Please read before replying to something I said. I am not giving a pity party here. I am not blaming the court system for my problems. I realize I was wrong to think that my STBX was wife material. Looking back I ignored several red flags. I was angry, starting to get bitter and 'hating women', etc. But I decided I was not going to go down that road. I decided to help myself, work on my issues, and rebuild my life. I am still in that process and I have a while to go. And frankly, having to explain myself over and over and dealing with fools who want to play tough guy is starting to make me feel like I'm being dragged backwards in my healing process. So with that said, I am done with this thread unless it to address the OP.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:36 pm

I read good enough.


Wall of text demonstrates where the issue is. You don't think we understand so you write hundreds of words. You feel misunderstood.


Best of luck to you.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Broken Machine » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:38 pm

Right back at you.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby dad2grls » Tue Feb 13, 2018 2:21 pm

Broken Machine wrote:What is wrong with people's reading comprehension here???

EVERYBODY...Please read before replying to something I said.


If it always seems to be everyone else who's wrong, usually it isn't.

Your posts don't make sense. Or you have no concept what "Retirement" means. It means the company you work for puts money aside for you. Sometimes the employee contributes on their own, sometimes they don't. You're welcome.

Here you say there was no money contributed towards Miltary Retirement:

Broken Machine wrote: But if you would bother to read what I said, there was no money contributed to military retirement. None, zero, zilch. Don't know how much easier I can explain it to you.


The other 3 talk about *gasp* Military Retirement, you know, the money that your company (In this case the US Government) put aside for you for each year that you worked for them. Money that was put aside DURING YOUR MARRIAGE that your wife is legally, morally, and ethically entited to half of.

Broken Machine wrote: my military retirement is not based on any income put into it like a traditional retirement account. It is based solely on my service of 20 years or more. It was a contract between me and the government.

P.S. - I should also divulge that my STBX is holding my retirement hostage


Broken Machine wrote:I'm talking about how military retirement is being treated like any other retirement account and it's not the same.


Broken Machine wrote:Look, I understand if a couple decides to part ways and then split things equally. That is fine and I'm not talking about those type of divorces. But when one just up and decides to leave for no real reason, then they should just leave.


In many or even most divorces, one party wants out, not both. Sometimes it's because of infidelity on the part of the other partner (sexual or financial), or verbal/physical abuse, or a drug or gambling problem, or a lack of sex and affection, or a zillion other "legitimate" reasons.

Who is supposed to decide if the party who wants out has a "real" reason?

People lie, they hide, twist, and fabricate the truth, the facts are obscured, and the courts don't have the resources to delve into the private and intricate details of the lives of the divorcing parties, so no, the party that wants out shouldn't "just leave" and not get half the marital assets, it only seems like the fair thing to YOU because you are the one being dumped for reasons that you don't understand or approve of, and because you allowed your wife to crap all over you for 20 years.

You sir are blaming the "system" because you have to give your wife half of everything you earned during the marriage, and that, my friend is "fail to own it". You are not doing the Op or any other guy going through a divorce any favors by spreading your vitrol at the "system" when it really has everything to do with you.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Broken Machine » Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:56 pm

dad2girls - When I said to "blow it out of your < hindquarters >" I didn't mean to pull fabricated crap out of there. People are thinking that I am "blaming the system" or whatever. And now according to you I am blaming everyone else but me for whatever under the sun. First I'm blaming the system, now its everything else. Think what you want. There is no medicine to cure a fool, of which you are acting like one. I said it over and over again that I was not blaming the system, I was explaining that I am angry at how divorces go, and *gasp* everyone hates how it goes. But God forbid someone vents about it because then they are talked down to and told that they blame everything or some other nonsense, LMAO! You want to act tough and know it all to people, go ahead but find someone else because I won't take it. I don't give it to others and I expect the same in return.

And I do know what retirement means. I know there are different types of retirement accounts. But even the military knows that if someone wants out that they go their own way with whatever they have that is theirs. Case in point, the military covers the health of my dependents. When the divorce is finalized, STBX has to get her own. Why? Because she wanted out and is out versus if she was still married to me she would still be covered. But for retirement, somehow people think they are entitled to it. Not deserve...entitled.

Also, the military offers another retirement called the TSP. The STBX will be getting half of that. Which sucks but I get it because marital funds went into it. But it is not the same. You don't get it, another poster who was in the military does. Again it is not a slam. It's just a fact of life. Every veteran feels this way. It's fine when it's other things like 401k, home equity, etc. But for some reason, this really gets to us and in my opinion it really isn't about the money. But let us just agree to disagree on this.

Let me summarize it again for you. Yes, this < feces > sucks. Yes, I said so. Yes, there are things about it I disagree with and think are wrong and should be fixed. I understand about the 50/50 division of property. Even if the law states they deserve it even if they didn't do anything in the marriage to do so. It's upsetting but we all go through it. So again, I was not meaning to spread "vitrol" as you state. I'm just trying to relay the frustrations I feel about it and that he is not alone.

If how you dealt with it is to put a smile on your face and skip down the sidewalk, that's cool. Some people just want to know they aren't alone in the frustration and anger. Not given the talk down like a kid.

One more time...I was explaining how I felt about things. Trying to relate to OP. I'm not blaming the system. But I don't go stating that it is all great and gravy either. And no, I don't expect it to be.

You and I aren't going to see eye to eye on this. And that is ok. So can we both just drop this < feces > and focus on helping OP in our own way? It's not like either of us is giving bad advice like moving out, dating, or not getting a voice recorder.
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Re: Fair and Equitable???

Unread postby Chaos » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:09 pm

Start your own thread instead of taking over someone else's.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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