Overwhelmed

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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby afc » Mon Jul 17, 2017 2:50 pm

If you file first you can get a better handle on the accounts, where she would need to account for what she took and when.

Just a thought
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby lionel2013 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:18 pm

afc wrote:If you file first you can get a better handle on the accounts, where she would need to account for what she took and when.

Just a thought


It does not matter one bit who files first - it only matters how well prepared you are when you or your spouse files.

It's a good thing you drained that account and put the money into an individual one, but manage it carefully, and keep receipts. If you can't prove that whatever you will have spent was legitimate expenses the Court will call it "dissipation of assets" and it will not be good for you (you will get a smaller piece of the pie at the end, because of it).

ADAM is nonsense, just like all the "fathers' rights attorneys" out there. The law is the same for all, what's different is a good lawyer vs. a bad lawyers. "Fathers' rights attorneys" cannot produce miracles for their clients if the law doesn't allow them.

Last but not least, I am sorry to hear you're going through all this but let me add to the pile of other members who told you they went through the same or similar stuff. I, too, went through a similar experience - in some ways better, in some ways worse, but in essence the same < feces >, just a different flavor. Your marriage is over, get used to it. Hope for the best but expect the worst, be prepared and understand that, quite likely, you won't be 100% satisfied at the end of it, it's rare when that happens to someone. It will be just a matter of how many and what kind of compromises you will have to make before all is said and done. Just remember that, like the rest of us here, you will, eventually, get through it. The key thing for you to keep in mind at all times is that your wife is not the person you thought she was.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby DogTired » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:26 pm

I didn't see where it had been mentioned so I'll do so - Get yourself a digital audio recorder ASAP and run it secretly in your pocket any time you are around her. Every second you are home together, whether you are sleeping or showering or watching tv. Can you explain why you think I'm telling you to do this immediately?

As for your comment that she's going to go ballistic...so what. Nothing except a judge's order should keep you out of your home where your kids live.
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby Rooster999 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:41 pm

She definitely is NOT the person I thought she was. She is a selfish and controlling witch. I truly believe she has a mental problem. Both her parents have mental disorders. When I mentioned it to her she got pissed. Cant help someone that wont let you help. I would have done anything for her. Now I just want her gone. I still have feelings for her, but I love the "old" her, not the new psycho one. She is extremely attractive, which doesn't help any. But when she speaks to me, I can feel the hate in her heart. Maybe she's going through a midlife crisis. Nevertheless, the marriage is definitely over. Thank you everyone for all of the posts-keep em comin-I am learning a lot.
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby afc » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:47 pm

She might not be crazy. She might just hate you.

Dont read everything she does through a "crazy filter". Wall off the emotion and treat this like a business dissolution.
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby Rooster999 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:50 pm

I picked up the audio recorder today! I will have it going tomorrow. I think it was a very productive day. I spent a fair amount of time writing in my journal, as well. I feel a lot more prepared than I was yesterday!
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby Rssooner » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:56 pm

Here is the advantage of filing first. First my ex wanted the divorce not me. You file first then say nothing. If you work out your marriage then withdrawal filing. If she files then you can decide what court to take based on what judge of the two is strategically better for your case IF YOU HABE TO GO TO COURT. that's what I did.


whatever_works wrote:Good work on all fronts. On filing first, my research is the same. I think the advice to file first comes from old time "at fault" divorces so it can safely be disregarded now. However, there is a catch - you need to get into the filing mindset first. In other words, exactly where you are now. Once you move on, you start seeing things more clearly. The longer your wife spends in that mindset, and you emotionally trying to save the marriage, the more damage is done to the kids' future.

Of course if there is a technical advantage to filing first, someone would correct me. But I would love to learn what that is so I would welcome being corrected.

Next thing up for you is to get into the litigation mindset. Do not think in terms of settling amicably. Think in terms of getting to a trial quickly. Doing so, conversely, might give you an amicable settlement. That is another thing recommended on these forums.
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby lionel2013 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 6:19 pm

If she files then you can decide what court to take based on what judge of the two is strategically better for your case IF YOU HABE TO GO TO COURT.


I'm lost.

He may have a some say when it comes to which judge hears the case if the statute is similar to the one in IL, but not a choice of court.

Which two judges are you talking about?

Moreover: no lawyer will want to file for him, then wait to see if things work out, if they are any good they will want to see the case moving. Same for the judge. He may have the luxury of 2-4 weeks with a continuance, but not much more.

And above all, why? His "extremely attractive" wife has checked out, he's only wasting his time. He runs the risk of thinking he can still fix it, only to see her file six months or a year from now, after she bangs some more non-marital < edited >.
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Jul 17, 2017 6:53 pm

Rooster999 wrote:I emptied a joint account today and put all the money in a new account, that is just mine.

A new bank, right? Because if it's in the same bank, you'd better move it today to one in a different bank.
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Re: Overwhelmed

Unread postby Rooster999 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 11:47 pm

The money is in a new bank. I am curious as to why this matters. We also share an acct at the new bank, but this is a brand new acct in just my name. Is this ok? Also, is it legal to record someones voice without them knowing? Also considering a spycam that I could conceal on myself to record everything visually. Any thoughts on this? My life is literally on the line, here. I want to get this right. Planning on moving back in soon, and all hell is gonna break loose! Wouldnt surprise me one bit if she called the cops and accused me of violence. I want everything recorded for my protection.
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