Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Lenny1970 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 7:44 am

Not sure i agree with the advice on here... if he wins restraining order... moves back... what if wife lies and says he shoved her and the shove just didn't leave any marks. Wouldn't the accusation be enough to land him in jail same day?
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Havalu7 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:04 am

Umm Lenny as always everyone's contribution is valuable so don't take this the wrong way.

However moving back in has always been the standard playbook next best move when you have moved out of your house. Now if the alleged abuse was false and untrue then he must move back in with the caveat that he is running a covert audio recorder 24-7 in his pocket (telling NO ONE of its presence) to protect himself against the false reporting of a/another domestic violence accusation.

Does that make sense Lenny? Heck even if the dv had happened and it was true there is nothing that is legally keeping him from moving back in. Lenny do you play chess? Not moving back in when he legally can is like trying win the game without a queen when you have a pawn that you can move to the opposing sides border and get your queen back or even have two queens (veteran chess players can you have two queens?).

Why in the heck would you NOT do it?

Lenny and OP this is SOP (standard operating procedure) on how to win the business transaction that this has become after you take the tried and true method of taking the emotion out of these decisions and play to win for the best interest of the kid/kids.
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby MegaDad » Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:24 am

Lenny1970 wrote:Not sure i agree with the advice on here... if he wins restraining order... moves back... what if wife lies and says he shoved her and the shove just didn't leave any marks. Wouldn't the accusation be enough to land him in jail same day?


This is why he also needs to get an audio recorder and have it playing anytime he is anywhere near her. Problem solved.
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Lenny1970 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:34 am

If you Google on the subject, you'll come across many stories of men being incarceratd on totally bogus charges. The burden of proof is only the accuser's word, i.e., he shoved me. The victim doesn't have to show any signs of being abused. In fact, many stories have the man being arrested a day or two later and being totally surprised by the arrest, i.e., https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/com ... s_falsely/
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Havalu7 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:42 am

So Lenny don't get a recorder for your self but don't steer new guys against common sense that is shall I say lacking (based off of YEARS of examples stated here) in some posters posts.

I'm out. Finding a new wall as my forehead hurts. Good luck my friend.

Shalom and peace be with you!
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Anything4Her » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:50 am

Lenny1970 wrote:If you Google on the subject, you'll come across many stories of men being incarceratd on totally bogus charges.

That is correct, which is why you have a recorder secretly running the entire time. It is not for use in court, it is for use when the cops come to arrest you, showing there was no drama on your part during the alleged time of incident. Is it perfect? No, but it has been shown to have a higher chance of a positive custody outcome than moving out.
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Lenny1970 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:58 am

Guys, think about it. You're in your home office. Cops knock on door & say they have complaint that you argued & shoved your wife. You say, what argument? what shoving? No recording would help because there was never even an argument. Your divorcing wife just called the cops & lied. What are you going to do, show the cops a blank tape?
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:08 am

Yes, play for the responding officer the time period in question where there is nothing but ambient noise, perhaps the TV in the background.

The recorder itself demonstrates that you knew the risk was serious enough to carry a recording device - not your phone, but a dedicated device - specifically to address the potential for a false accusation.
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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Anything4Her » Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:10 am

Lenny1970 wrote:What are you going to do, show the cops a blank tape?

Yes, that is exactly what you do.

Ask the cop '*when* did she say I shoved her?' Show him the recorder running and back it up to the indicated time stamp. It recorded the TV running in the background. Or it might record her saying 'I'm going to get you out one way or the other!!'

Again, is it perfect? No, but it is the best alternative this group has come up with in their years of collective experience. We have some great stories running around here about liars being exposed by audio. Staying in the home *might* be backfire, moving out *will* backfire. You play the game and take your chances.

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Re: Divorce just started , already feel beaten.

Unread postby Lenny1970 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:33 am

In my case, cops came to my house. Agreed I didn't do anything violent. Wife even said I didn't do anything violent. But next day at work I was served with a TRO for cooking steak-umm (not kosher food). TRO report said I groped her a year earlier and banged on her bedroom door. TRO issued 5/18/17. I'm still living at my sister's. PRO hearing scheduled for 6/27/17. Just seems to me the burden of proof is so low that a recording with silence on it wouldn't help. Maybe you guys are right.
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