Your thoughts???

Discussions from before 2005.

Re: Your thoughts???

Unread postby David » Mon Jan 10, 2005 12:49 pm

Thanks Lawmoe.

I threw it out to the boards for the experiences others have dealt with in my situation and going on what my attorney feels is relevant. My son is withdrawn and has already been told my his mother to not say anything to us about what goes on. This I overheard through a conversation on the phone when I questioned why she didn't provide a lunch or lunch money to my son and she chewed my son out for 'snitching.' He has a loyalty to not divulge any information. Her erratic behavior is documented. Her prescription drug abuse is documented (sleeping pills, pain meds). These in particular put my son in danger because she has to get high somehow. I don't want to wait until she gets into an accident or OD's or some other jerk beats her up for money she owes him for drugs which is the worse case scenerio.

I don't know what relevant information my son's psychiatrist will be able to provide or what information my son has shared with him.

This is tough because I've been dealing with this and will continue to deal with it but when my son is with me, he is great. The first hour or so after a return from his mother, is difficult. In fact, there have been times when she has had to call me to get him or he has asked not stay.
David
 

Re: Your thoughts???

Unread postby Anon for this » Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:33 pm

What are the current custody arrangments and what exactly is it that you want changed?
Anon for this
 

Re: Your thoughts???

Unread postby David » Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:08 pm

Current custody arrangements are joint-legal with me having primary custodial. She has him two nights each week during the school year. Summertime, she gets more overnights and consecutive days.

If I can get sole legal, than that's what I'm going after and not allowing the two nights during the week to continue. Perhaps the schedule can be revisited once she has stable employment and a source of income and clean drug screens showing that she is not abusing prescription or illegal drugs. This guy that she has been living with this go round also has 3 other adults in the house where my son has been permitted to play M rated video games containing drugs, violence, gangs, murder. His Teacher address her concerns over my son's behavior at last conference as well as destruction of school property and I addressed these with his mother and she doesn't think there is any harm in letting him play violent video games. I'm the bad guy when I restrict him from these kinds of games and since she allows him so he of course he thinks it's all cool because mom lets him. I work hard to provide discipline, responsibility and she destroys it.
David
 

Re: Your thoughts???

Unread postby nuke » Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:11 pm

How do the two of you communicate regarding these matters? You need to be able to substantiate that she allows him to do age inappropriate things as well as her attitude towards his troubles at school. At a minimum email her or tape your phone calls. So if she tries to deny anything, you can back up what you are saying. She will lie and you will have to prove it.
nuke
 

Re: Your thoughts???

Unread postby David » Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:41 pm

We don't communicate. She has nothing good to say and most of the conversations are with my son. I have a number of memos sent to her about my concerns and she ignores them. One incident she dropped him off at my house in the morning claiming he was sick and couldn't go to school and she couldn't keep him because she had to go for a cancer treatment, my son didn't have a fever and he looked fine to me. Off to school I took him and she called later that day and told him that I shouldn't have sent him to school and all I'm worried about is him having perfect attendance because I'm too perfect with everything I do. I have to listen to her conversations so I can combat her manipulation. My son does a good job of walking all over her and he knows what buttons to push and because of that...he doesn't have any problems in going with her. Does anyone else have to do this too?
David
 

Re: Your thoughts???

Unread postby Anon for this » Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:19 pm

Given that it's only been six months, I think you would be better off modifying Parenting Time, rather than Custody since the burden of proof isn't as great (I'm sure there's a more "legal" definition).

To be honest, there really isn't all that much difference between "sole" and "joint" custody, because even though the parent are supposed to make "joint" decisions, if they can't agree the "custodial" parent has final say anyway.
Anon for this
 

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