Temp, custody

Discussions from before 2005.

Temp, custody

Unread postby Paul » Sun Jan 09, 2005 5:19 pm

My story in a nut shell

I have been married for 14 years had great times when money is rolling in when its not she dont like it. About five years ago she was diagnosed and received meds for Bipolar took them for about a week and sayed no one else thinks i am and what is wrong with being happy all the time? The problem is we were both very heavy drinkers at the time and over the past 3-4 months have almost stoped drinking money tight again and she has been almost imposible to live with. I have 10 year old twins and two step sons that 17 and 19 that i have pretty much been Dad two that wont even talk to me right now because of all the BS she has told them.

Anyway i am going to court on Thursday to try and get temperary custody of my twins so we can stay in the house any advice i'am in Texas?


Re: Temp, custody

Unread postby Kia » Sun Jan 09, 2005 6:20 pm

!st, congrats for your sobriaty!! Stopping drinking is a hard thing to do. How long have you been sober? I know that will be brought up in court! I would start going to meetings and getting a card signed saying you have been going.If it does not come up in court,no harm done.

Second, are you guys still living togeather? Does she know about your intentions of going to court? I would start documenting everything she does in her manic states. Is she a danger to the kids? Can she even be trusted around them?

Here is a good thing to read from Bolivars post:

Here is the link to “THE LIST” by Tom. A MUST READ!*!*!
http://www.dadsdivorce.com/phorum/read. ... 37&t=55733

THE LIST by Tom is a 5600 word behemoth, but has lots of no-nonsense strategy and info.

The 10 Stupid Mistakes Fathers/Men make when facing divorce (by ben)

1. Not having exact knowledge and information regarding their case
2. Relying on second, third or worse, bad information
3. Underestimating their ex’s
4. Making poor decisions regarding their personal behavior
5. Not taking advantage of EVERY mistake made by their ex’s
6. Failing to secure competent, Father-friendly representation.
7. Trying to be noble and ‘fair.’
8. Lack of focus, focus, focus.
9. Not being your own best advocate
10. Failing to document and secure documentation for ALL issues affecting your case.

Link to “THE LIST” at SPARC

Link to SPARC - Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center
Information To Assist Fathers and Non-Custodial Parents

Link to Divorce Institute by Lawmoe

Link to Custody Reform – Dedicated to all NCP striving to remain as parents to their children!!!

What I learned
Author: kahuna (---.lv.lv.cox.net)
Date: 12-23-04 12:25

1. There are wayyyy more women out there with uncurable and untreatable psychological disorders than I thought, and a lot of them are good looking.
2. As far as evidence, men need mounds of paperwork and photos but women only need tears.
3. Organizing and managing your case is your responsibility, not your attorney's.
4. Unless you married a drug addicted/sociopath/dysfunctional/criminal loser, the likelihood of getting primary custody is close to nil.
5. An unemployed man is called a "deadbeat dad" but an unemployed mom is called a homemaker.
6. A high priced attorney is not better than a cheaper one.
7. When your down in the dumps, your true friends will show.
8. Do a background check on all potential spouses.
9. Prenups are critical.
10. Adultery doesn't mean squat when it comes to custody, alimony, or child support.
11. Listen to that feeling in your gut....if you think your spouse is cheating, she probably is. If you take her back, you deserve to get cheated on again.
12. False DV charges are WAAAAAAY more common than you think. Always carry a tape or video recorder during the divorce, or better yet, don't ever be alone with her.
13. Restraining orders are easy to get....for women.
14. You cannot reason with unreasonable people.
15. Marriage is the worst financial contract known to man. There is no other contract which financially rewards someone for breaching that contract.
16. You will always get sick of having sex with your wife, no matter how great she looks.
17. Prescription drug addiction is EASY to hide.
18. Psychological evaluations are a great tool to allow inadmissable evidence in and worth every penny....if you are sane and she is nuts. If you are both the same or close to it, I wouldn't suggest it.
19. Everyone is biased----EVERYONE.
20. 2 1/2 year old twin boys are a boatload of work...but they are the greatest gift ever.
Added by pete
21. The best advice often comes in harsh truth, and you don't have to like it, but you should listen.
22. Never forget what the true enemy is in divorce...the system
23. Never forget what is most important in the outcome....the children.

In retrospect, I wish I hadn't tried to negotiate with nutjob in the beginning, I wish I would have had a tape recorder so I didn't get put in jail for 13 hours, I wish I had found this board earlier, I wish I would have cashed out my bank accounts much earlier, I wish I had listed in psych 101 a little more, and I wish I hadn't been so naive about criminals, drug addicts, sociopaths, and especially marriage laws. I was a fool to expect fairness from the courts.

“Never forget who your actual opponent is. – The System”. Don't give your opponent any opportunity to continue to pretend the problem is between you and the eX-. It thrives on the conflict it engenders.”
By Jim Loose

It tells you who contributed to it throughout the post. Goos luck and make sure you have your ducks in a row!!

Re: Temp, custody

Unread postby Paul » Sun Jan 09, 2005 6:44 pm

Thanks not 100% off the beer but have had no whisky for 4.5 months and 2-3 beers at any one time.
Yes she knows i filed for divorce and she got served last wed with court date set and we are still in the house together until then.
My qustion is she is not a risk around the kids as far as hurting them she just acts like a teenager allows the older kids to drink the 17 year in his room i took pictures last night of his collection of shot glass on his shelf and dicovered serenges in 2 of them snooped a little more and found a nice asortment of beer wine coolers ect in one of his cabinets will this help me in my case?? I have hired what i think is an owsome att. female one my wifes att. told her that her chances of getting custody were bleak because could not afford the house and a custody battle?

Re: Temp, custody

Unread postby Kia » Sun Jan 09, 2005 7:15 pm

You mean syringes? You found her works? Ok,If I were you,I would CAREFULLY use a kleenex or piece of tissue paper to pick them up and put them in a baggy. You do not want those in the house around the kids.almost 90% and more of needle usaers have Hep C. It lives along time,unlike HIV/AIDS, in the air. Do not turn them over to the police as you might get arrested. I may be wrong,but I would call your atty and asked if they need them for proof(finerprints,what the drug is,does she have HepC or HIV/AIDS)

AS for your drinking, you really need to stop ALL drinking or it will backfire in court for you! You need to find a sponsor and go to meetings.They might ask for a UA in court if you ask for one from her(which I bet your lawyer does)Her allowing the kids to drink is BAD NEWS.Are you documenting EVERYTHING!?? This is a battle! You need to prepare and you can't do that high.You say she is not dangerous to the kids but do you think her letting them drink is safe? Put your foot down NOW on that.

Sorry but it seems like you BOTH have an addiction problem which means the kids have a higher risk or predisposition to addiction.Stop that NOW.YOU.ot her as I doubt she will.She is looking for a drinking buddy or trying to be a "cool" mom.(stupid)

Hey, did she save the old med bottles for the meds they gave her for the bipolar issue? If so, get them.Proof.Look through the records now and get all you can that proves she may be unfit. I know it sounds sneaky but I imagine she is already doing the same to you.You have to protect the kids and also show the court that you are the better,responsible,fit parent for the kids! Don't keep them at the house.Keep them at a friends that you trust.
Before doing this however,ask your atty.I am not an atty and do not want to give you bad advice.I am just going on what got my friend in a similar situation(we found the needles,pipes, psych drugs,etc) and he now has 100% custody and she has supervised visits!The kid is doing MUCH better with his dad.(the kid is my daughters best friend since birth practically)

I will give the "floor" to the guys.They have most likely been through something like you are going through. Best of luck!Listen to the guys.They have very solid great advice and have helped many!

Re: Temp, custody

Unread postby Pete-last hurrah! » Sun Jan 09, 2005 7:18 pm

Read the list my friend. It will not be nearly as easy as you might believe.

1. Financial inequalities can be leveraged by spousal and child support.

2. The presence of paraphonalia for drugs, and or the presence of alchohol in your child's room in your house does as much to damage her chance of custody, as it does damage to yours.

3. All marriages are stressed when money is tight. The issues she had when money was tight is not going to factor into custody.

4. Diagnosed bi-polar and off meds will only impact things if it places the children in physical danger.

5. If your wife cannot afford to fight the battle, you will be stuck with the bill.

6. You will need a much stronger case than just the few things you mention here to establish maintaining custody.

Watch your back, you are going to be charged with DV charge in the near future to get you out of the house and set the tempo for custody.
Pete-last hurrah!

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