custody mediation hints

Discussions from before 2005.

Some Mediation Tips

Unread postby Lawmoe » Fri Jan 07, 2005 11:49 pm


(1) You must be organized. Make an outline of ALL the issues in the case. Outline your initial position with the undeerstanding that you will be moving that position in mediation.

(2) Do not make your best offer first.

(3) Highlight the issues that are most important to your spouse and not so important to you. Use those issues as bargaining chips.

(4) Seek agreement on small issues. Small agreements can lead to bigger agrements oncee you get the ball rolling. For example, saying -"Can we agree that we both are here to do what we believe is best for the children?" Who can disagree with that. You have your first agreement.

(5) With regard to custody issues, it is often better to remove the term "custody" from negotioations. It is an emotionally charged word. Instad, negotiate a parenting schedule that works with both parent's schedules. That is truly what you are trying to do. Once you have a schedule, you can always apply a label later or allow the court to do so.

(6) If you make an offer, do not change your position until you receive a counter offer. If you do, you are bargaining against yourself.

(7) Keep your cool and do not engage in argument. It is counter productive. Even if your spouse tries to push your buttons refrain.

(8) If negotiations break down on one issue, move onto another. You can settle one issue without settling them all. However, becarefully that in so doing, you do not paint yourself into a corner by reserving only an issue in which your position is weak. Then you have no bargaining tools.


Unread postby No·MAD » Sat Jan 08, 2005 5:08 pm

To quickly discredit Fed Up...Please reference this: ... eply_36286

Need suggestions
Author: Fedup (
Date: 09-26-03 15:50

I have the ex from hell to beat all exs. The children are now adults and I have no relationship with them, thanks to their mother. I will tell you that I never missed a child support payment, kept up all required insurance, including life coverage on me, for as long as I was required. We have been divorced for 20 years and she's still hounding me. It's like she can't let go. I'd like to pay her back. She's gotten my mail, listed phones in my name to get my calls, hired private detectives to tail me, photograph my house and wife and car. I'd like suggestions for what I could do to make her miserable, cause her disruption, aggravate her, annoy her, whatever, that won't get me tossed in jail or sued again.


Fed Up/Zip has been on this site for 1.5 years under multiple names and giving the false impression that they are two different people. I recognized this within 2 weeks of reading this site. I was amazed that no one else could see it. You would constantly switch names and give the other "person" approval with a pat on the back such as:

here - ... eply_69490

or here - ... eply_69483


Then I did some digging and came up with this:

Fed up: ... eply_36286

zip: ... eply_27317


Interesting that they are different enough to fool the casual observer, but close enough to warrant a positive identity when viewed under close detail.

Both "posters" here had two boys, moved across the country/3000 miles, and had been divorced for 20 years...etc etc.

I also speculated that at least 1 of your son's is a poster here as well. ;-)

Might as well mention the fact that both "posters" say their ex's was stalking them, or the fact that both posters appeared here about the same time, or the fact that both posters vehemently attacked me from the beginning when I only "insinuated" that I knew they were indeed the same person. I would have never exposed him if he had not attacked me.
Throughout my history here I only expose those which become problems, and maintain silence on those that do not become problems.


ֹֹ/ֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹ/ֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹ-ֹֹֹ[ x x ]ֹֹֹ-ֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹ/ֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹֹ/ֹֹֹֹֹֹֹ

Re: custody mediation hints

Unread postby Investigate8 » Sat Jan 08, 2005 6:45 pm

As some of the others suggested get a plan together and concentrate on the best interest of the children.


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