I need some advice please!!!

Discussions from before 2005.

I need some advice please!!!

Unread postby Marc » Thu Jan 06, 2005 10:54 am

As you all know, my ex agreed to 50/50 in mediation. We did not sign anything because we didn't have time to come up with a schedule and the mediator asked us to fax it to her as soon as possible so she could type it up and we go back on 2/1 to sign it. So...... here we are 10 days later and my ex is playing games with me. She had me redo the schedule 3 times and decided she didn't want to give me 50/50 until 2/1/06!!! I told her that was fine and we would do the step up plan until then. I agreed that overnights would start in march. I emailed her a schedule that is perfect!! I also included holiday and vacation. She told me that she had a few minor changes to the holiday schedule because they go to hawaii in the summer. So she promised to have it to me by Wednesday at 5 pm. Of course I don't get it and I call her and she tells me that her mom got home late and didn't have time to email it to me. She says that she can't make her mom do something she doesn't want to do. I told her that I let the mediator know that I would fax it today and she tells me to put the blame on her. Guys... I am so sick of her. She is not trying to work with me at all and now I feel like I am back at square one complying with all her rules and requests. I am also having some major problems with things that are happening with my son.
The first thing is that my son has told me things that really concerns me. He is only 4 years old and has told me that I was supposed to marry mommy a long time ago but I left and now mommy doesn't love me anymore. He told me that he is not supposed to tell me he loves me. He still refers to me as daddy marc and calls my ex's fiance daddy! On my christmas gift my ex wrote to daddy marc on the package. I have asked her to correct it over and over again and she tells me she won't. Even the mediator told her what she was doing was wrong- she doesn't care.
The second thing is that my son asked if he could sleep over. I told him I would talk to his mother and he could sleep over really soon. My wife asked him if he was sure he was ready and he was jumping up and down saying "I'm ready, I'm ready"- he was so excited. My ex admitted he was saying he was ready but then the next time I saw him, I asked him if he was ready to go pick out his bed and he told me he wasn't quite ready yet. <edited for content>
The last thing is that on a couple occasions my ex has told me that my son told her he wanted to go home and I told him no in a stern voice. Not true but I am just really <edited for content> tired to hearing this crap.
So, here is what I need advice on. I know that my odds of getting 50% in court is very very slim. Especially since I only have 6% now. However, I am very worried about what they are doing to my son- he is only 4 and they are confusing him. I feel so bad for him and they are not working on building a relationship between us. I feel that we need to have an evaluator come out and see what is going on. But then another part of me thinks that if my ex does finally agree on the plan that leads up to 50% I should take it and just hope that me spending more and more time with him will fix everything??? Any advice would be appreciated.

Re: I need some advice please!!!

Unread postby nuke » Thu Jan 06, 2005 11:10 am

If she is agreeing to 50-50, I would lie low on the other issues. Wait a while until you've had the 50-50 for a while and then go after the other issues. RIght now, 50-50 is a godsend for you and you should snatch it up while you can.

Re: I need some advice please!!!

Unread postby Pete » Thu Jan 06, 2005 11:11 am

Breath. Deep breath.

You are almost done with this stuff Marc...hang tight. I wonder if getting the mediator to step in is possible...I have had no dealings with mediators, so I am not sure what recourse you have in terms of her stall tactics and non-compliance with producing results as requested.

She is trying to get you upset, and it is working. Things will work out okay as long as you keep fighting and doing your part.

I would get a recorder and innocently record your son's statements of Daddy Marc and such, since it is contrary to what the mediator said. It is completely bogus what your ex is doing to your son.

Over time, you will have the ability to make the necessary impressions on him, where he will make his own decisions.

He should not be involved in any of the "grown up" dealings going on, and if you do your part to keep him out of it, then he should be fine.

He will grow up seeing you as the better man, and all will (hopefully) be fine.

Good luck Marc...Keep us posted.

Re: I need some advice please!!!

Unread postby HP » Thu Jan 06, 2005 11:30 am


A friend of mine (male) found out he had a child that was almost four. The reason was because Children Services took her away from her mother and he got a knock at his door one day.

Anyways.... State took all her legal rights away. The Grandparents had temporary custody until he could be located.

So this is the story, and read on because it will give you some reassurance...

Once the dad was found, he immediatley filed for custody. The Grandparents wanted no part in him having her (naturally because he wasn't around.... mind you he didn't know the kid existed until CS knocked on his door).

So anyways....... they did everything to try and affect him getting custody. Even went as far as to say he was a sexual molester. He wasn't but had to go through psychology exams to prove it. It was a long road (almost a year) and he got to know his daughter, and as time went on, his visits were increased to longer, than over night than to days then to five days a week, then to eventually getting custody.

During the custody fight though, the kid knew her sisters father as "Daddy" and the Grandparents insisted it stayed that way. They kept telling her that "Tommy is not your daddy" (Tommy is her bio father).

Tommy and I both always corrected the issue when she was in visits (I babysat for him while he worked). I always referred to him as "Daddy" and when he would pick her up I would say "Daddy is here".

She eventually refrained from calling him "Daddy Tom" to just Daddy.

Needless to say, he was awarded custody and now the Grandparents and mother that refrained him from her are no longer in the picture.

I bet now they wish they weren't so stupid with the situation.

So look up! She will figure it out on her own. Just tell her that you are her true daddy and no one can replace you.

Re: I need some advice please!!!

Unread postby Marc » Thu Jan 06, 2005 1:26 pm

Thanks for the advice. It is hard not to get frustrated. My wife always tells me that as time goes on and I have my son more often things will change. I guess I need to learn to be patient and be thankful-- I just know that my ex will never encourage the relationship and I hate her for it. I hate hearing him call someone else daddy when I am here and I have been fighting for him for so long. I will wait a few more days for her parenting plan but if she doesn't send it to me soon then I have to prepare myself for trial. I don't want to wait around and find out at the last minute that she doesn't plan on working with me.

Re: I need some advice please!!!

Unread postby Mike Wilkin - Decatur, I » Fri Jan 07, 2005 2:04 pm

First of all, I am going thru something similar. My ex and I agreed to 50/50 custody temporarily in Feb 2004. Her atty was to have filed it and failed to do so. She filed a false DCFS claim and OP against me in May 2004. She lost both of those. So upon trying to get my kids back, I had to wait until a court date on 8/27/04 for a "Temporary Custody" hearing. I hadnt seen my kids in 4 months and so the judge awarded her Temp custody and gave me visitations EVERY WEEKEND. She lives an hour and a half away and I provided all the transportation. We have had 1 half of our final hearing and the other half is set for 2/9/05. I did record all of my childrens events from pick up at mothers to drop off. Her atty fought to have it thrown out and the judge allowed it anyway. HOWEVER, he would not allow sound. He called it HEARSAY for whatever reason. My oldest daughter had some pretty good stories to tell candidly, not at all being interrogated. The mother in my eyes is winning by using Munchausens By Proxy, howeverm my atty thinks we have her pinned to the cross.

Mike Wilkin - Decatur, I

Return to Archives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 4 guests