Daughter hates me

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Daughter hates me

Unread postby DanandBettie » Wed Dec 29, 2004 6:46 am

Last night daughter whom is 13 called my home and told me she hates me and never wants to see me again. We were suppose to see eachother at 4pm today. I have been trying with her for 4 months and honestly being 13 I don't know what good going to court will do for me... Her mother has her so brainwashed that the daughter even said my current wife runs my life. Which is so not the case, actually daughter and new wife got along great and now all of a sudden she doesn't like her? HUM!!!!!!

Seriously guys what would you do???
I do have a lawyer appointment on February 8th, but see she is at the age she can say where she wants to be and I most likely will be screwed...

I need alot of advise and right now, do I try to fight it or just leave well enough alone?

Don't get me wrong I love my daughter but I can't get anywhere with her.


Unread postby Pete » Wed Dec 29, 2004 8:08 am

As posted in reply to your situation since you began posting about in April.

Daughter and parents...and at a minimum parents, and most likely daughter...need some counseling. Dealing with divorce is hard enough without some professional help.

Your daughter WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS FOREVER. If you stop fighting now, you are only going to make it worse on her. She is 13--a hormonal nightmare, and just becoming a woman in more ways that we men can comprehend.

We can't keep giving you the same advice over and over. Counseling was recommended as long ago as April for this situation.

We can't make her want to see you, and we feel your pain, but you need to be proactive in creating a solution.

Re: Daughter hates me

Unread postby DanandBettie » Wed Dec 29, 2004 8:09 am

This is the Bettie that goes with Dan, my opinion of Dans situation is this: I believe sense Daughter is an only child and mother doesn't appear to be having anymore she has a hard time sharing her daughter. We have never been a threat to the mother all Dan has ever wanted was just to be ble to see his daughter. I also believe that the daughter is treating her father this way because then he will leave her mother alone and won't ask for < parenting time >,that way mother has daughter all to herself. Do you guys thinkI am right or wrong on that? I have seen this situation (4 years now) get out of control. Daughter making statements like"Mom wants you to sign off your rights so Step-dad can adopt me." "I only come here because it is court ordered." "Mom doesn't need your money step-dad makes more." "MOm never told me you two agreed to < parenting time >."

I understand this is hard(I have 3 children also) but the worst thing he could do is give up on her because that is exactly what mom wants.

I firmly believe he needs to push for a pschological evaluation or counceling to get to the root of the problem, because I know her behavior isn't normal and it has been parroted into her.

Do you guys agree?

Re: Daughter hates me

Unread postby Fed up Father » Wed Dec 29, 2004 9:38 am

I had the exact same situation with my 13 year old, who I have 50/50 custody of (search for other posts of mine to read in detail). She would threaten to "live with Mom" every time she didn't get her way or when she'd get into trouble (which Mom would give in to her all the time). I finally got sick of the threats one day and told her that it was her choice to leave, and she moved out.

In the three months that followed, I spoke with her three times...all three were when SHE called ME. I told her each time that I loved her, and that I was here for her when and if she decided to come back. During that three months, I went on a week long N.C. vacation with my wife's family (including my son and step daughter), and got re-married (which she was supposed to be in the bridal party...already had her dress and shoes)...all without her. She was invited, but chose not to be a part of our lives and therefore missed out. When we got back from our honeymoon, she called sobbing, begging us to let her come back and saying how sorry she was, etc, etc, etc.

To this day (six months later), I have YET to hear one threat to leave, and her respect for our home, our rules and me and my new wife is tremendous. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do (let her go), but three months away from me, and more importantly three months with her IDIOT Mother did WONDERS! It was the best thing I've ever done as a Father. My other kids saw it, and know that threats do not work with me and neither of them have ever talked to me like that.

Trust me, she WILL NOT be like that forever. Simply tell her, "I love you, I'm sorry that you feel that way, I hope you change your mind, but I will respect your decision and will not fight you. Give me a call sometime and let me know how you're doing". And then drop it. Don't call. Send a birthday card and gift if her birthday falls during the period that she's gone. But go on with your life. She will miss out on things, and she will miss YOU, I guarantee it.

Good luck to you.
Fed up Father

Re: Daughter hates me

Unread postby Josh » Wed Dec 29, 2004 9:43 am

That was well handled. Children need to respect their parents.

Re: Daughter hates me

Unread postby DanandBettie » Wed Dec 29, 2004 11:03 am

Done that tryied that nothing happened, daughter hated him even more. her mother pumps so much crap in her head it is unreal. They spent the last 4 months apart every attempt to contact her denied or ignored. Finally he went to school and then she was happy and loving towards him, but when mom is in the picture BOOM Hatred towards him.

Re: Daughter hates me

Unread postby Josh » Wed Dec 29, 2004 11:56 am

I am sorry, save yourself.

Re: Daughter hates me

Unread postby Fed up Father » Wed Dec 29, 2004 1:53 pm

You just have to trust that as she matures, she will come to see what she has done. I didn't believe that it would ever change, but now my (now 14 year old) daughter does not get along with her Mom. They are in counseling together.

Be patient and there for her, but pushing and fighting for her is not your best bet, IMO.
Fed up Father

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