ex withholding < parenting time >

Discussions from before 2005.

ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Gavin » Fri Nov 19, 2004 7:57 pm

My exwife is not letteing me see or talk to my 6 yr old. Have not seen my child in over 2 months and exwife and her mother not allowing me to even talk to my child on the phone. Problems started with exwife after I got remarried. I am currently in the process of taking her to court in hopes thaqt the judge will find her in contemt, how ever I live in Washington state and it is very biased towards fathers. I am not behind in any way shape or form in my child support or any other money matters. My question is, how long or how many times can she do this before I can go after full custody of my child?

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Pete » Fri Nov 19, 2004 9:15 pm

It depends on your custody order. If the divorce decree states a < parenting time > schedule, she will be in contempt for not following it.

Start a journal and document EVERY time she does not let you see your children. Call her as much as you are allowed to, without being harrassing, and ask to talk/see/exercise your < parenting time >. If she denies, show up with the local law enforcement and a copy of the divorce decree.

If your decree allows for < parenting time >, you have every right to see your child---regardless of you remarrying or not.

You need to keep us posted, and you need to give us more details. We can help you understand your rights, and how to get your rights despite what your ex thinks.

Keep in mind, that unless you are totally honest with us, we cannot help you. It sounds to me like we can--give us some more information on you divorce/custody decree .

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Gavin » Fri Nov 19, 2004 10:16 pm

I have < parenting time > every other weekend from 6 pm on Friday to 6 pm on Sunday also from 6 pm to 8 pm on the Wed. proir to my weekend and 6 pm to 8 pm on Tues. and Thurs. on the following week. The divorce order states that I shall have resonable phone contact with my child. This is not the first time that my ex has kept my child from me. Last time was over the Christmas holidays last year. My daughter did not and could not recieve her Christmas presents until Jan. 21 after we went back to court. My ex filed contempt charges on me but the judge found that I was not in contempt but did not give me any make up time.

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Pete » Fri Nov 19, 2004 10:25 pm

Make up time is difficult.

Make sure you do not discuss any of these problems with your daughter, and be very tactful when she asks about it. Do not be negative about your ex in front of your daughter.

Do not ever lose your cool when speaking to the wife.

You need to keep a detailed journal of every time she denies you contact, either by phone or in person. This journal will be gold in a contempt hearing. If need be, photo copy it weekly and mail it to yourself--just don't open the mail. Keep it as verification that you kept the journal weekly and did not just create it. Start asking for times outside the court order, as much as possible---if the wording includes "as the parties may agree", you are not limited to the schedule of access outlined. If she disagrees, more ammunition---you can claim that you have made every effort to see your daughter more, but has been denied by the ex.

If she continues to restrict access, you can claim a number of different things---Parental Alienation Syndrome among others, and you would have every right to go for MORE custody time due to her being continuously unreasonable. The more she does this, the more goes in your favor. Make a motion for more time, and you could possibly get it if she continues to deny you access.

Every time you talk to her in person, have a small hand held recorder in your hand--if it is in plain site she cannot claim any wrongdoing as you can claim it was in plain site.

Record your phone calls, but before doing so make sure that one party recording is legal in your state.

You have a good case, which can get better.

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Thoughts? » Fri Nov 19, 2004 10:25 pm

Pete's comments are good.

Also make sure you have a reasonable bit of a paper trail on the < parenting time > denials...in addition to the journal, have emails & letters requesting the < parenting time > or documenting your request & the denial...remember to avoid getting harassing....point is to have firm doc to help you with your contempt case.

How often can she do it? Many times...and the courts are biased and won't do a lot against her initially...but they will (most of the time) start doing something with repeats...hopefully you'll get the same judge & she'll build a rep or history that will nail her < hindquarters > to the wall. Document, document, document.

Please don't let this discourage you...you need to draw a line in the sand and make sure they know they can't cross it. Remember, your kids deserve both parents, and you they need you so it's for them that you're doing this. I had some recent issues myself...the more tolerant I am, it seems the more she walks on me...by sending a clear warning shot, it swung back in my favor cuz she knew I was going to pursue it and she'd lose.

Good luck.

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Gavin » Fri Nov 19, 2004 10:48 pm

I thank you for your input and insight. I do my best not to belittle my ex in front of my daughter becauase I do know that she loves her mother and that it would come back to bite me in the butt. My ex has already accused me of doing this, but then again she is very good at accusing but terrible at providing any proof. I really like the idea of the recorder in plain view, I hadn't thought of that one. But she does leave very nice voice mails which are admissable.

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Gavin » Fri Nov 19, 2004 10:53 pm

I have also went the route of contacting the police, all they do is take the report and give you a number and they will not get involved in any custody case. They say that you have to take it up with the judge.

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Pete » Fri Nov 19, 2004 10:57 pm

This is true, BUT you have a police report to back up your claim in court regarding her denial. Third party, reliable, independent verification that she denied you your rights.

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Gavin » Fri Nov 19, 2004 11:01 pm

ok, understood. thanks

Re: ex withholding < parenting time >

Postby Lawmoe » Fri Nov 19, 2004 11:21 pm

I assume that you have an order that grants you contact. If that is the case, it is still difficult to change custody on the basis of a willful denial of parental rights, It requires along standing pattern.

Even when that exist, the Courts, in my experience, are reluctant to change on that basis. Keep careful records and do not wait too long before you file to enforce your parental rights or it could have just the opposite impact.

I am sure different states view this differently.


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