Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Discussions on technology and its application and implications in divorce

Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby DivorcedDadInVa » Wed Jan 06, 2016 9:58 am

What are people thoughts on the non-custodial parent's access to their kids social media? My daughter is 8 and I am fighting parental alienation - having already lost my 15 year old son to her. The custody evaluation I requested indicates that she is an alienator and that the evaluator expects her to continue to do so going forward.

First, she's 8 and shouldn't have Instagram anyway. I could report her and have the account forcibly deactivated. My daughter and I have a good relationship right now despite NJ's continued alienation actions, and she openly told me she had an Instgram account. I tried to follow her afterwards and she will not accept. My son also blocked me from his Facebook account.

Even worse, both my son and daughter setup their account with weird spelling variations of their names thinking that I would not be able to find their accounts. IMO this is further alienation .... I KNOW NJ knows about these accounts, and she is directing them to "hide" these account and for my daughter to not allow me to follow her Instagram. My daughter was initially excited when i told her I have Instagram ... that was when she volunteered her oddly-spelled username. She was excited UNTIL she went home Christmas Day to NJ.

Not sure what to do. I guess NJ thinks I'll use it to spy on her ... but frankly, what are you allowing your kids to post/do/say that needs to be hidden?

We've been divorced since August and money/property is settled, but we're still fighting custody/< parenting time >, with a full day trial set in a couple of months.

Thoughts?
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby CTDivorceAttorney » Tue Jan 12, 2016 10:34 pm

Personally, I don't think it's right for any 8 year old to have access to their own Instagram or Facebook profile regardless of who has custody.
Just a Connecticut attorney. None of my posts should be considered legal advice.
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby Mock Turtle » Wed Jan 13, 2016 12:03 pm

DivorcedDadInVa wrote:What are people thoughts on the non-custodial parent's access to their kids social media?
You can search the board for "social media" and you'll see everyone's thoughts on the matter. Our sons were also rather young (8 and 10?) when they started Facebook but I stayed out of it and didn't snoop. I figured they will post and say the same as they would in a text or at school. When I later discovered and understood the alienating effects on our relationships, I followed the veteran's suggestion here to take my then S16 and S18 out for Sunday brunches and let them do the talking. That began the long but rewarding recovery from the alienation damage. Beats the crap outta snooping on Facebook any day.
DivorcedDadInVa wrote:We've been divorced since August and money/property is settled, but we're still fighting custody/< parenting time >, with a full day trial set in a couple of months.

Thoughts?
This is not good because the money/property should have been used as bargaining chips for the custody negotiations. Is there anything else you can use for chips now?
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Jan 13, 2016 12:09 pm

Not sure what to do
.

Not sure what you can do with what amounts to a difference in parenting styles. Document what you can for possible use down the road.
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby minuette » Wed Jan 13, 2016 6:23 pm

How would shutting down the 8yo's Instragram account improve your relationship with the child or address/eliminate a detriment to the health or safety of the child?

If D8 had allowed you to follow the account unobstructed, would you still report it? If not, why not - doesn't the account still violate the TOS, regardless of whether you are blocked?

Have you had functional discussions about appropriate use and self-protection? If the account exists, you should have those discussions. Objecting to the existence now paints you as a hypocrite, if you had no objection when she first told you and you have not reported it.

(Addendum: D20 got a Facebook account on her 13th birthday. Which she requested, in advance of her birthday, of both parents (we'd been divorced for awhile by then). What I didn't tell her is that I would not have required her to wait, nor require her to add me as a friend. I knew her measure before she got an account; the fact that she waited and asked us both was an excellent sign that her use would be consistent with how her father and I raised her.)
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby beenthere » Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:24 pm

Personally, for me, in no way, at no time, would I allow any child of mine, especially one who is living under my roof "legally" (however you want to interpret that) to have a FB or instagram or any other kind of "social media" account -- period. These are adult prerogatives. There is a delete key for a reason. Any questions?
“When mom and dad went to war the only prisoners they took were the children” ― Pat Conroy
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:12 pm

minuette wrote:How would shutting down the 8yo's Instragram account improve your relationship with the child or address/eliminate a detriment to the health or safety of the child?

I saw what you did there, min.
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby NewReality » Thu Jan 14, 2016 9:07 am

DivorcedDadInVa,

I'd take some time to examine whether you really believe that social media concerns are, or should be, a priority in your parenting situation.

If you'd already done this, do it again.
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby Hiscrive111 » Tue Feb 23, 2016 4:44 am

I think that when the 8 year Boy /Girl use these types of social media it is not the good thing for thier ..Because first its just un healthy for their eyes as well as their body..And in this age their body needs special ingrediants So i am not in favour that 8 year old children should use it
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Re: Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, etc.)

Unread postby nr552 » Wed Mar 02, 2016 3:30 pm

He's too young, terms of use violation. My EX setup my then S12's FB account, and intentionally blocked me so I wouldn't see it. I have a 2nd acct for various work related reasons that I use to check on "things", found his, reported it to FB as an underage person. FB took it down. I mentioned to then S12 that FB account was found, he back pedaled.. and I basically told him he was forbidden to have one until age 14 now, not the standard 13 due to blocking me. When he turned 14, he asked if he could have a FB account, and I helped him set it up.

Now he's got instagram, twitter, FB, snapchat, whatever else... and I have access to monitor it at any time. Take that stance now.
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