Ex recording me

Discussions on technology and its application and implications in divorce

Ex recording me

Unread postby Tennisdad » Tue Nov 03, 2015 9:52 pm

I live in IL. We have joint custody of S3 with 60/40 time, with me having more time. Ex has been audio recording me regularly. I found today when she came over to pick up S3. In a heated argument I saw something sticking out of her back pocket. I reached for it, recorder fell out, and she started screaming that I attacked her. She admitted that she has been recording me for a year. I backed away and left.

I'm a little concerned that she has this incident recorded and has probably recorded arguments in the past. I know she is planning a custody/< parenting time > modification in the future. Can these recorded arguments affect me? Can she play them to a GAL in a custody battle?
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Nov 03, 2015 9:56 pm

Expect to be served with a restraining order tomorrow for that stupid little stunt. Really, you reached for her pocket and she screamed at you to stop attacking her? You fell into the trap, face first.
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby afc » Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:02 pm

Illinois is a weird state for recording. Used to be strict 2 party and in 2014 it got weird and murky.

Do you have a lawyer?
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Nov 04, 2015 12:13 am

Tennisdad wrote:Ex recording me.....
Not so!! You assaulted her!! And if her recorder was up and running at the time of the incident, she can prove it.

Tennisdad wrote:In a heated argument I saw something sticking out of her back pocket. I reached for it, recorder fell out, and she started screaming that I attacked her.
As Trevor said, you walked right into her trap. Now you're gonna be fighting a war on two fronts; 1) restraining order and, 2) family court.

You had best get an MP-3 recorder of your own. You should also document these events in your well-written journal.

Make no mistake, Bro. Someone is coaching her. She knew exactly what to say and when to say it. Her audience was the recorder.

Tom
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby Ready4Change » Wed Nov 04, 2015 8:00 am

You weren't too specific on whether or not you actually touched her, and I'm not sure what constitutes an attack/assault. How did you verbally respond to "attack" comments? If you clearly said something like, "What do you mean attacked you? I never even touched you. I was just trying to look to see what was in your pocket...", you are immediately questioning the validity of her statement. If you just clammed up, turned around, and left, you've got a pretty big obstacle to overcome now. Since you were in a "heated argument" and she "recorded arguments in the past", it sounds like you need to recalibrate you DGAF meter, and quit letting her rent space in your head. The other guys are right: she's being coached; and you're falling for every bit of it hook, line, and sinker.

Regardless of what has happened up to this point you need to start making some big changes. Whether the law is murky or not, she is recording you. If I were in your shoes, I would get a GoPro or some other video/audio recorder, and inform her that every interaction will now be recorded by you as well.

Good luck
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby Tennisdad » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:01 am

Thanks for the responses. I touched the recorder/her back pocket at which point she swerved and pushed me away. There was minimal contact, no striking, hitting or anything. Is this assault? I did say 'I did not attack you' and 'I do not give you permission to record me' immediately in response to her screaming, then left.

She might get a restraining order, but our interaction is minimal, only at exchanges. How will the recording be used by her? She can't use it in court. I checked and IL is still a 2 party state.

I just realized after reading this that it was a set up. She was baiting me and I fell for it. I will start recording and I am keeping a journal. No idea who would be coaching her though.
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby afc » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:07 am

In the heated arguements you have had has there been any
threats?
insulting vile language - b word, c word?
any of this happen in front of kid?
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:11 am

Tennisdad wrote:How will the recording be used by her? She can't use it in court. I checked and IL is still a 2 party state.


She doesn't need your consent if there was no expectation of privacy during the conversation. Where did the exchange occur? If the exchange occurred in your driveway then she'll have no restrictions using the recording as evidence.
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:22 am

Tennisdad wrote:There was minimal contact, no striking, hitting or anything. Is this assault?
You're in serious denial, my friend. Assault is one thing. Domestic violence is another. You need to know the difference.

The argument, all by itself, IS domestic violence. The fact that you touched her during a heated argument IS, all by itself, domestic violence.

For that matter, upon her word, and her word alone, she can go to ex parte and get a temporary restraining order just because she wants one - the incident you described notwithstanding.

Q: Did she call police?? Were there witnesses?? Were your children present??

Tennisdad wrote:No idea who would be coaching her though.
You still don't f_ucking get it. NJ's don't just dream this stuff up. Instead, someone with experience, someone who knows the ropes is coaching her. At the very least, that's what you hafta assume from this point forward - and you need to watch your back and prepare your case accordingly.

BTW - As of right now, she's got you pinned against the ropes. She's ten steps ahead of you. She's planning her next move. To counter this, what have you got in your arsenal?? What's your game plan??

Tom

Tennisdad wrote:Can she play them to a GAL in a custody battle?
Absolutely!! And the GAL will report to the judge details of the recording. Moreover, in addition to the restraining order, the GAL will be writing a nasty report when all is said and done. You can count on it.

BTW - You need to fight the restraining order with everything you can muster. Do not settle this out of court!! This is absolutely critical.
Last edited by Tom Kirkpatrick on Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ex recording me

Unread postby Tennisdad » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:29 am

AFC, No vile language in front child. No threats either. But I have said things like "you are stealing from me. you're a thief." (she one came to my house to drop off kid, and while I took him to potty, she took a hard drive, my fit bit, and slipped out.)

This took place inside my apartment.

Tom, Understood. I looked up assault and am clear. She did not call police. No witnesses. Son was present. He is 3.

I honestly do not have a game plan. I was caught off guard. I do not know what to do. If there is a restraining order, how do i fight it? I would appreciate some advice.
Last edited by Tennisdad on Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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